Gay Muslims—the Elephants in the (Prayer) Room


http://www.flickr.com/photos/ledr/3633632364/in/photostream/WebbStaff Note I: This is a controversial issue with varying perspectives. Our guest author is expressing one perspective; we encourage others to respectfully discuss their own perspective in the comments or submit your thoughts as a guest piece. This article is meant to open up a discussion on this issue, rather than be a definitive stance on homosexuality.

WebbStaff Note II: Comments have been closed on this post. We encourage positive and fruitful discussions, which we feel has already taken place in the comments of this article.

By Mohammed Yusuf

Muslims, I find, tend to be quite good at avoiding open discussions about deeply personal matters affecting our communities. The problem is, it is exactly this attitude that leads to the circulation of myths and the subsequent worsening of the original matter. Muslim communities tend to treat such deeply personal matters as elephants in the room. One such elephant is, of course, homosexuality—that someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender can also be a devout Muslim.

I am a student at a British university. I have not come out as homosexual and I happen to be quite active with my Islamic Society (ISoc) on campus. When I’m in the company of other students in the ISoc, I do hear a few “gay jokes” being made (although this is a wider societal problem too). In relation to these so-called jokes, do you think I enjoy that these jokes are essentially about someone like me? To those who make these jokes, given that no one has their sexual orientation stamped on their forehead, you’ve most probably already prayed alongside a homosexual without realizing. Let me ask you, was there anything ‘lesser’ about these people?

To those who have a conservative attitude towards homosexuals, given the homophobic rhetoric, attacks and social exclusion that a homosexual often has to put up with, do you genuinely believe that someone like me would have actively chosen to be gay rather than straight?

The number of times I have previously wished that I wasn’t homosexual…but that’s the whole point: you cannot choose to be homosexual (to put it another way, how many of you actively chose to have feelings for the opposite sex rather than the same sex?)

Homosexuality isn’t a choice. Muslim communities should stop sweeping the topic under the carpet and start providing the right kind of support and advice.

For starters, does your local mosque provide a confidential online or drop-in advice service? (Not a service run by a traditional-minded scholar who can barely speak English, but by someone who is fully aware of the contemporary environment, is a good communicator, and someone young people can relate to.) Does the Islamic Society at your university only ever discuss topics such as perfecting your prayers and how you can do charity? Or does it openly acknowledge that university is a time when you may have a whole range of personal issues, and therefore advertises suitable welfare services? Do our community leaders shun discussion of very personal problems or do they lead the way in acknowledging that personal problems do exist, and create initiatives to tackle these problems in an effective and Islamic way?

Ask yourself each of those questions and you will see that as a community we need to be doing far more to support the homosexuals among us.

Fortunately, I met an extremely knowledgeable Muslim who’d given a few talks at my university. I got to know this person, their open-minded nature, and knew I could approach them to discuss my homosexuality. The day we met up and I told them, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I no longer had to struggle on my own but could talk to somebody if I needed to. I then told a couple of my closest friends at university who I also knew I could trust. One of them afterwards gave me a hug, and that meant the world—knowing that this person wasn’t going to treat me any differently.

I’m now at a stage where being homosexual no longer bothers me as it once did, and I can now focus on the more important things in life. I have the odd struggle, but I guess sexuality just isn’t a straightforward thing. Having been through all the mental anguish though, I do feel for those who are on their own right now, unable to turn to anyone for advice and support. If you’re a Muslim struggling with your sexuality, I’m not going to offer you some generic advice as some scholars might, and then avoid your actual concerns altogether. I really wish I could point you in the right direction—but that’s part of the point of this article, that the Muslim community needs to do more to support those of us who are homosexual and Muslim.

I will say, though, that you’re definitely not alone. There is an Islamic viewpoint that says the having of same-sex feelings is itself no sin. And contrary to how others may make you feel, you’re no less of a human being or a good Muslim. I wish you all the best, and really hope you find the support you need.

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291 Comments

  1. Khadija says:

    Brother may Allah guide and assist you in every way, have tawakkul and pray to Allah, for He is the controller of the heart and can change it if you sincerely wish and pray for it! Keep fearing Allah like you do bro, and one day you’ll emerge better than all of us, who are strangers to the internal struggles you face!

    • Nur says:

      …..and if there is nothing in his heart that needs to be changed?

      • yas says:

        There is always something in the heart that needs to be changed. Leaving a general dua’ as our sister did: “may Allah guide you in every way” is the best type of dua’. She also said that fearing Allah alone will make him emerge better than us all. Powerful words that any humble servant can follow- based on the topic above and any other topic as well!

        May Allah relieve your struggles too, Nur, ameen.

  2. Your brother says:

    Salam ‘Alaykum Br. Mohammed,

    Thank you for writing this. I, like you, also struggled with homosexuality from before secondary school. And yet much of the community respects me for memorizing the Quran and calls me to lead prayers. I can’t help but wonder what they’d think if they knew. But of course, their opinions shouldn’t be any of my concern – It should enough for me to strive to be as sincere in my iman as possible and to not act upon what God has forbidden.

    You are very right that homosexuality is not a choice – neither you nor I asked for it. The muslim community should know that gay jokes are “laghw” and harmful for those among us who are homosexual. Nor is it beneficial for muslims to scare one another by always claiming that “the punishment for homosexuality in Islam is death.” No, the scholars speak of the “amal qaum loot” and understand it as a specific sexual act between two men, but homosexuality is far more and can be independent from this one sexual act. And on top of that, the vast majority of hadith that call for a death penalty for the “amal qaum loot” are weak (cf. the opinions of scholars like Ibn Hazm http://www.academia.edu/427557/_Ibn_Hazm_on_Homosexuality._A_Case-Study_of_Zahiri_Legal_Methodology_).

    Muslims can benefit from the discussions of some scholars such as Shabir Ally: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoOA02OCJUA

    Personally, I overcame much of the struggle with homosexuality in an unconventional way. Another Muslim brother and I maintained a close, loving, but non-sexual relationship for a number of years. It was paradoxically the deep affection and love that we two had for one another that gave me satisfaction and the strength to overcome same-sex sexual desires. Soon, we felt as though we were deeply committed “brothers” and the idea of sex became “incestrous” and naturally undesirable to us. Alhamdulillah, homosexuality is no longer something I struggle with suppressing – hugs and real commitment and love were enough.

    But of course, many of our Muslim peers would make fun of us for being “too gay” so our relationship remained very private. It shouldn’t matter what they thought though – God is enough for us, and I pray He rewarded us for our living chaste lives and staying away from zina for His sake.

    • Gibran says:

      Assakamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      As far as I know, there is the death penalty for married adulterers, people who commit the act of the people of Lut salawatu wasalamu alayhi and people who commit zina with people in the prohibited degrees(you could say, incest) and people who commit zina with animals.

      Those sexual crimes are in fact punishble inshaa Allah.

      That being said, it’s awesome you have a good relationship with your brother and Alhamdulilah you aren’t sunk in sin.

      • Gibran says:

        Also, bro I wouldn’t cite an article on Allah subhana wa ta’ala’s laws from a person from Tel Aviv….it might be a little bit risky. I would prefer something from a Muslim shaikh…I mean we don’t go to priests or rabbis for advise do we? It’s just not for Muslims.

      • Syed says:

        Wa’alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

        Well, Gibran, that the article is from a certain place is no excuse to dig one’s head into the ground and ignore it. I’ve just read it and must say, it seems to be a highly scholarly academic account of Ibn Hazm’s arguments in his Kitab al-Muhalla, without a “pro-gay” or “anti-muslim” agenda. I must thank the brother for posting it – it was a fascinating read and really conveys the eminence of Ibn Hazm’s Dhahiri scholarship.

        Rather than speculate that there is a death penalty for the act of the people of Lut (pbuh), can you actually respond to Ibn Hazm’s assessment that all the hadith on punishing homosexuals had major flaws in their isnad? I have not found one SAHIH hadith on such a punishment!

        If you prefer the opinion of a Muslim shaikh, then watch the youtube link of Shabir Ally. This Muslim shaikh states clearly that there is no explicit Hadd punishment mentioned for those who do sodomy. This is a matter on which the fuqaha may differ, so it is not right ever to say “my opinion is the ONE correct Islamic opinion.”

      • naved says:

        Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Certainly the thing I fear most on my Ummah is the (wicked) practice of the people of Lut.” (Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Ibn Hajar Haythami)

        Once Abul Aswad (RA) brought a letter which he showed to one of his students and said, “I bear witness that this letter was dictated by ‘Ali Ibn Abi Taalib (RA) to Abul Aswad. It reads, “When men will sexually satisfy themselves with men and women with women, then earthquakes will occur, faces will become transformed and stones will rain down from the skies.”

        Our Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has also said: “May Allah curse him who does what the people of Prophet Lut (AS) did.” (Ibn Hibbaan)

        If you are a good practicing muslim, you cannot be homosexual or lesbian. Make tawbah (sincere repentance) to Allah and turn to Him submissively.

    • Bobby says:

      Wow that was so moving.. may Allah swt reward you immensely for your struggle to remain chaste and pious, and continue to give you stregnth! May Allah swt guide all Muslims to become more tolerant if each other despite differences in thought and behavior. May He help all Muslims struggling with sexuality in any way to remain steadfast and chaste. Ameen.

      I am responding to the comment and not the article, because (a) the comment relates back to islam and offers a solution while the article just complains about society’s nonacceptance of homosexual muslims. i also think a lot of people on this page are being a little too suspicious about agendas and whatnot. yes, gay marraige has been the hot topic on the news recently and, as much as we hate to admit, it seems that your stance on marraige equality might become the litmus test for how ‘backwards’ you are. however, i dont think there was an agenda behind this article just because it councided with the gay marraige issue, rather this might just be the excuse a gay muslim needed to bring up the issue of not having a support system for gay muslims.

      yes we all know homosexual acts (sodomy) are haram. i dont think that has to be reiterated in paragraphs upon paragraphs, though i pray Allah rewards those who are thorough and thoughtful in their comments, and those who are writing because of a sense of duty to defend islamic principles.

      the issue isnt the homosexual acts, its the feeling and struggling with those feelings, simultaneously feeling like the lonliest person in the world because you are a spec in a sea of straight people. can you imagine a muslim having suicidal thoughts because of the isolation? can u imagine a muslim wanting to not be muslim anymore because other muslims will not accept you as a human being? keep in mind that Shariah is meant to preserve society and life as well, also keep in mid that from an islamic perspective, every living creature has rights, also recall that every creature was made to worship Allah. how many gay people have become atheist because religion or religious society would not accept them? it is a miracle that gay muslims choose to remain worshipping God, instead of being angry with God (may Allah protect our ummah from such satanic thoughts).

      i know of gay muslim women who use writing as a way to tell their story, but do it ina way that ends up racking ‘liberal’ support, and most of the time they write aggressively against what Allah commanded/ forbade while still considering themselves to be Muslim. and then ooh liberal americans and europeans love them and their books become award winning works and they get attention because they condemn islam.. you get the picture..This is what happens when we ostracize people in our own communities.

      the reason i replied to this commet specifically was to highlight i guess the positive approach to handling the issue of homosexual muslims. there is a solution that we can take an example from. i mean Allah created hermaphrodites too. Allah has His reasons for Creating what He does, and we cant know what the reason is. i sometimes think it has to do with us getting to knwo each other and forcing us to become tolerant to things that cause dissonance in thought, or at least to teach us how to deal with strange things in a civil manner. we were put on this planet to worship Allah and part of that includes respecting each others God-given rights by treating each other as equal human beings regardless of how others treat us. the prophet (s) was kind to everyone no matter how irritating they got, to the point that Allah had to reveal an ayaat in the Quran to make people stop bothering Him because he was too shy to tell people off (q 33:55)

      i understand many muslims are worried about the deen being like hot coals or having to bite onto the sunnah with our molar teeth. i am too. but thts going to get harder and harder due to outside forces if we are not strong enough on the inside. our ummah needs to be one body, we need to unite on our similarities because we are the only people who beleive in one God and accept the final revalation, a neccesaary requirement for avoiding eternity in hell. so dont forget the big picture: if you save even one life from entering hellfire, it is better than any of the richest things in this world.

      may Allah swt protect our hearts from straying, and unite this ummah, ameen.

      i hope my comment doesnt get misconstued as promoting homosexuality or giving it a positive image, no. i merely wish to offer my thoughts on the dilemma of dealing with muslims who already gay. if i have said anything incorrect, may Allah forgive me. of i have said anything correct, it is all from Allah.

      • Bobby says:

        one last thing that i think is important to point out. Allah says in the quran in surah misa: Then those who believe in Allah, and hold fast to Him,- soon will He admit them to mercy and grace from Himself, and guide them to Himself by a straight way.

        i think all of us can see something that we are personally struggling with in that ayyaah.. something to think about.

        may Allah swt ease our burdens and enter us into His mercy and grace and guide us on the straight path. ameen.

        • Bobby says:

          *surah nisa’ 4:175

        • Farah says:

          “i sometimes think it has to do with us getting to knwo each other and forcing us to become tolerant to things that cause dissonance in thought, or at least to teach us how to deal with strange things in a civil manner.” That is an amazing perspective, subhanAllah. Do think about writing on this topic; what you wrote here was lucid, non-confrontational, gentle in tone. May Allah reward you.

    • Syed says:

      Wa’alaikum Salam brother!

      Thank you so much for your response! I concur with brother Bobby – you come from such an important perspective that is often overlooked in today’s discourse! I would love to hear more about your perspective – maybe you too should write an article.

      Too often we are presented with a black and white choice. Gay Muslims should either embrace same-sex sexual behavior against Islamic opinion or “heterosexualize” by marrying and having children. But how many broken marriages like these are there! You present a halal middle ground – focussing on the emotional love between two men supporting one another with clear boundaries when it comes to sex.

      I think we would all benefit from hearing more of your story, insha’allah!

  3. Paul Bartlett says:

    Salaam to all. Certainly such personal issues which affect one’s life intimately need to be faced squarely by the Muslim community and with compassion, not avoided or dismissed. Real people struggle with real matters in actual life, and hand waving dismissal or casual condemnation helps no one and nothing.

    I am “straight,” but I know what it is to deal with such intimately personal matters: I have struggled with mental illness much of my adult life (and I am no longer young). I was psychiatrically hospitalized several times, and even after many years I need strong psychotropic drugs to keep from going off the deep end. Still, my experience (and observation in life) has been that most Muslims (or other religious people, for that matter) simply do not want to face the issue of someone being impaired in a way which impedes his/her commitment to and practice of the faith.

    A number of years ago, a “caller” (da’ee) told me to throw away my medications, become a Muslim, and say the prayers, and I would not need anything else. Fortunately, I had enough sense not to throw away my meds (I even needed to increase the dose of my antipsychotic drug recently.) So far as I understand, if one is outrightly psychotic, the person is excused, but there seems to be no recognition of impairment short of psychosis.

    Make no mistake. I am not saying that homosexuality is or is not a mental disorder, nor whether it is innate or acquired (or some of both). I am not in a position to make such assessments. I leave such judgments up to Allah (swt). But it does no one any good — and betrays a lack of compassion — either to ignore the matter entirely or to make facile judgments and even quick condemnations, which are all too easy for those who are not in a situation (homosexuality, mental illness, or whatever).

    • joymanifest says:

      Salam br. Paul, I am Muslim and have a mother and sister who are both schizophrenic. They are both Muslim too. I just wanted to share that. I think we need to face these issues head on. In the rather backward country they live in (I won’t name it) the community considers mental illness black magic or some bad spirit’s influence. Allah protect us from ignorance. FYI some of the earliest hospitals for the mentally ill were in the Islamic empire, as was the recognition that mental illness is a disease. There is a website http://www.mentalhealth4muslims.com. it is a start and a step in the right direction, though not very comprehensive. Just wanted to share.
      Allah help you. I struggle with the symptoms of schizophrenia and it is tough

      • Paul Bartlett says:

        Salaam. Thank you for the link. I will look it up. This thread has been a valuable one, as it has encouraged people to look at issues which many would prefer not to have to face. If you (or anyone else, for that matter) wish to make contact about such things, I can be reached at my “secondary” email address slyphnoyde@yahoo.com, from which I can privately pass on my “primary” email address.

      • Farah says:

        Salaam. Is there an email address I can write you on please?

  4. Ali says:

    Several things need to be sorted out here. One, it needs to be made abundantly clear that homosexual acts are strictly forbidden in Islam. Sodomy is an enormity. This needs to be said and stated clearly and unambiguously, for there are people with agendas who are in the name of “tolerance” trying to alter the Sacred Law and deem the haraam to be halaal.

    With that said, the person who merely has a homosexual inclination has to repress it (just as the normal healthy male has to suppress his lustful inclinations for females he’s not married to). This struggle against the base desires is something all of us must struggle with. In that sense, the one with homosexual inclinations is like everyone else: we all have to resist our repulsive desires.

    As for the person telling others, the general rule is that we don’t tell people about our sins. It isn’t wise to go around telling friends that you lust for members of the same sex. Instead, the one with homosexual inclinations needs to find a learned, pious, and wise Muslim who knows how to help heal the heart and seek advice. And it is better when seeking advice to use the third person (like to say: “What would you suggest to the young man who has homosexual proclivities?”) without mentioning the one who is actually afflicted with the disease.

    Also, we should keep in mind that there are very powerful interests that are trying to impose the normalization of homosexuality upon Muslims. These people are NOT content with Muslims saying that the one who has homosexual inclinations is not sinful as long as he does not allow himself to have homosexual fantasies, or desire to act upon those fantasies, or engage in such an abomination. They want Muslims to deem that homosexuality is “Okay,” and that the punishments prescribed in the Deen for homosexual behavior are either due to fourteen centuries of misunderstanding what the Prophet taught—or they wish to have Muslims deem that the Islamic punishment for homosexual acts, as taught by the Prophet, are “barbaric.” May Allah protect us from kufr!

    On the whole, we see the Muslims have been ominously silent in condemning the homosexualization of the the society. It is only a matter of time that the acceptance or condemnation of homosexuality will be the litmus test (by the secular supremacists) to determine whether or not one is an “extremist” Muslim or a “tolerant-progressive” Muslim. And we can imagine Muslims apostating en masse over this issue (by deeming the well-known haraam to be halaal). The homophiles want your kids, and if we do not develop clear and cogent arguments against dangers of the the homosexualization of the society, we place our survival as Believers here in jeopardy.

    Lastly for those afflicted with homosexual feelings, the most important thing is not to deem these feelings to be legitimate. You have to fight yourself. Do not place yourself in circumstances in which you will feel aroused; if you do feel these desires, occupy your mind with something useful, like reciting the Qur’an. Remind yourself that this life is short and we must struggle against our base inclinations and insidious satanic suggestions. Also, be sure to eat from the halaal, eat very little meat, sleep less, and get up at night to pray. God-willing, with striving and sincerity, you will get relief from this trial. Allah is the One Who controls the hearts, and Allah is the One Who turns our hearts from the reprehensible to the rewardable. It’s all easy for Allah.

    • rahma says:

      Jazakallahukhairan brother for ur response I agree wit u completely and I love the response. May Allah keep us guided

    • Nadeem Qureshi says:

      An excellent response to this article – I use the word ‘article’ euphemistically here, for if I were to call it what it is, my response would probably find its resting place under the virtual carpet.

      We live in dangerous times, when the powers of evil are not content with just leading people away from the path of righteousness, they are working diligently to have the path of evil decorated as the path of righteousness.

      Our lives as Muslims are easy. Allah subhanahu wa Ta’ala has clarified for us what He deems haraam. Whether one is born with haraam inclinations or acquires them through his growing years is immaterial. Knowing that an act like homosexuality is haraam ought to be enough for a Muslim to help him fight and overcome shaitan’s base commandments. And even if he finds himself losing that battle against him – La Haula wa La quwwata illa Billah, and may Allah make us prevail on shayateen always, and may he keep shayateen away from us – a Muslim must never lose sight of what his cause is, what halal is and what haram is. Because, then as long as he knows in his heart that a wrong remains a wrong, whether he can help himself or not, there is hope for him.

      Once he transcends that boundary and starts calling a wrong anything but a wrong, all hope is lost.

    • hamzat7887 says:

      Žazak-Allahu chayran…

    • Ali,
      What a reprehensible statement: “afflicted with homosexual feelings”.

      I am a straight Muslim woman and find comments like this demeaning, condemnation and judgmental statements to be the reason why our society is rife with social ills. Instead of love and compassion and true brother/sisterhood, some straight Muslims act like they are god.

      Maybe it is you who’s afflicted with opposite sex attraction?

      • ag says:

        With all due respect I disagree Ms. Zonneveld. He’s not trying to be insulting. “Afflicted” is not a derogatory term. Perhaps you are taking it wrong? Make excuses for a fellow Muslim before you jump to judgmental condemnations. He was very respectful to others in his comment and you attack for just one word?

        And yes, for the record, afflicted is a correct term. Just like many young, unmarried (and sadly even married) Muslim men AND women are afflicted with inclinations towards Zina.

      • Ali says:

        Ani,

        Entertaining homosexual thoughts is sinful. Engaging in homosexual acts, such as sodomy, is an abomination. We judge such matters according to the Sacred Law. It is part of Islam to condemn sin, and we judge those who openly engage in sinful behavior as sinners, and that does not mean that one has to perfect his (or her) Islam before they enjoin virtue and forbid evil.

        • GM says:

          “Entertaining homosexual thoughts is sinful.”

          Salaam brother,

          I just wanted to mention and remind us all briefly that Allah does not punish us for our thoughts, only our actions. As such, a person can certainly be considered homosexual and muslim–since homosexuality is an inclination and self definition of attractive feelings, rather than an action. That being said, it would be their participating in homosexual acts that is considered sinful only. Alhamdulilah, what is in our hearts and minds is known only to Allah swt and He is the only judge.

        • GM says:

          **I know you did not say that homosexual people are not considered muslims. It was said by someone in a later comment but I wanted to say it in general since it was aligned with my point.

      • Gibran says:

        I’m sorry Ani Zonneveld, I don’t know if you know the position of Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama’ah. The Muslims who are on the straight path. It is that whoever declares something haram halal while it is widely known and accepted and haram has left Islam.

        It’s akin to denying ayat in the Quran. Or distorting the meaning to such an extent that you are truly denying the meaning. There is no way out. Sometimes you just have to submit.

        Hence, “Muslim.”

    • Nina says:

      Homosexuality and sodomy are not the same thing. That’s like telling me, as a straight woman, that I am going to sleep around with men. It is demeaning to think that just because someone has homosexual feelings they will be promiscuous with the same gender. You wouldn’t think the same about your straight brothers and sisters, would you?

    • Nina says:

      And brother, there are plenty of things that go on in America that go against the deen. Alcohol being one of them. But I am sure you don’t say that America is trying to impose alcoholism on Muslims and make it normal to drink. Muslims have a choice, and many of them alhamdullilah have simply said no. Are gay people trying to make other Muslims gay? Are alcoholics trying to make other Muslims heavy drinkers? So how could you say that gay people are trying to impose homosexuality on Muslims? If you don’t think its okay to be gay, then keep it to yourself. No one is forcing you to be gay. Its the same thing I’ve been doing about alcohol- someone else’s decision to drink will never affect my decision not to.

      • Ali says:

        Nina,

        Perhaps you have not lived in America for very long. The homosexual agenda is now out of the closet and trying to impose its lifestyle on others. As for drinking alcohol, it’s legalization (as abhorrent as it is) is not the same as what is going on with homosexualization of the society.

        A person can have a job and say that he doesn’t drink–or that he doesn’t approve of alcohol drinking without very likely losing his job. A person who doesn’t drink might have a limited social life amongst non-Muslims, but he is not called “intolerant” or “evil” for not approving of the consumption of alcohol.

        Another point is that Anheuser-Busch isn’t coming to third grade classrooms talking about how alcohol consumption is an “alternative/legitimate lifestyle.” This society has hopped on a very slippery slope into the abyss of nihilism and total corruption. May Allah unite the Muslims in obedience and give us the strength, courage, and wisdom to resist this fitnah.

    • Sister says:

      Power to you brother Ali! Well said because ultimately we can accept the individual but we certainly should not accept the act or the concept.

    • amatullah says:

      Assalamu’alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

      JazakAllaahu Khayr brother Ali for the response! SubhanAllaah! it is so scary to see people trying to “sympathize” with such issues. I dont mean we have to go beat them up and definitely people who are fighting these thoughts should be helped. But like how brother Ali mentioned there are proper ways to address this issue. And Im very saddened that this website has published such an article.

      My Psychology lecturer said that in her research she found that there is no evidence at all to show homosexuality is because of genetics.

      Robert Knight states:
      The people who most need to hear the truth are those who mistakenly believe they have no chance
      themselves for change. It is both more compassionate and truthful to give them hope than to
      serve them up politically motivated, unproven creations like the “gay gene.”

      Simple logic will make a person realize the negative consequences of homosexuality on the fabric of a society.

      Apart from Islam other religions like Christianity and Judaism highly condemns homosexuality.

      And what does this statement mean: “Homosexuality isn’t a choice?”
      Dont try to make light of what AllaahS.w.t, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth considers highly immoral and sinful! It’s one thing to acknowledge one’s weakness and to seek help to rectify it and a totally different thing to blame others for one’s own sins and justify it to make it seem trivial. Be Careful.

      May AllaahSWT take away the impure thoughts from anyone who is going through this!. Try to balance your fear of AllaahSWT with hope in His Mercy..if you are truly striving to obey Him inshaAllaah He will help you! Brother Ali’s advice written above is excellent..mashaAllaah!

    • ay says:

      jazak Allah khairan
      for your response
      i agree with you
      May Allah protect us and guide us

    • shema says:

      Alhamdulillah brother.well said. Jazakallah khairan

    • Aisha says:

      JazakAllahu khair!

    • Kinaa says:

      Barak^Allahu feekum brother Ali. You shaded light to those who have the heart and want to learn and follow Islam as prescribed by the Almighty and passed by the Messanger, salaLLahu aleyhi wasalam, and not be the play ground of the kufars who are trying to impose this and make the society take it as a normal. Brothers and sisters, please take this advise very seriously and may Allah protect us all from sinning and also from trying to justify it as if it’s with in the boundaries of ISLAM.

    • Brother in Faith says:

      This should be the top comment. It is Brother Suhaib Webb’s responsibility to clarify the position of Ahlus Sunnah wal Jama’a.

      The act of Sodomoy is a major sin. No amount of Western pressure or influence will stop us Muslims from preaching the truth from the Quran. We will not bend to the demoralization of Western Society.

      Having homosexual tendencies is a trial. Islam is very clear that sexual relations can only happen between a married man & woman.

      As far as the concerns about the “Gay Agenda” being pushed by the media, these are legitimate complaints. Look at President Barack Obama’s domestic policies. He has abandoned his African American base, leaving them in crippling poverty. However, he has become an ardent supporter in promoting “gay rights”.

      But, we must put politics aside, the most important thing to do is follow the Quran and Sunnah.

    • HM says:

      Salam.

      You are wrong on several things.

      First of all, to my knowledge, there are no valid arguments, both Islamic (Qur’an verses, Sahih hadith), or scientific ones, that explicitly say that same sex attractions (SSA) are a disease, or that they are wrong, immoral, sinfull or anything similar.

      You say, I quote:

      “As for the person telling others, the general rule is that we don’t tell people about our sins.”

      Here you obviously imply that having SSA is a sin. That means that committing homosexual act (having sexual intercourse with a member of the same sex) is a sin, but also that, for example, loving a person of the same sex is also a sin. So, having certain feelings, even without them being bodily actions is now a sin? To my knowledge, you have no evidence to support the implication that a person who is attracted to a member of the same sex is actually committing a sin, and shall therefore be punished by Allah, unless forgiven. People won’t be judged for their thoughts and feelings, but for their actions, unless I’m wrong? Also, do you talk in a company how you liked a certain girl, how you love her and would wish to meet her? Not that I’m implying that it’s desirable for a homosexual to talk that way. But you should be able to see the double standards which some people try to use as an argument for their position on something.

      You say:

      “And it is better when seeking advice to use the third person (like to say: “What would you suggest to the young man who has homosexual proclivities?”) without mentioning the one who is actually afflicted with the disease.”

      To my knowledge, you have no valid argument nor evidence to back your claim that having SSA is a disease. There are valid scientific studies which have shown that homosexuality (in terms of SSA) is not something one chooses, nor it is to be considered a disease. What evidence do you have to give your statement that homosexuality is a disease a validity? None, to my knowledge.

      One needs to make a firm difference between thoughts, feelings and even desires on the one side, with actions of the body (including specific behaviour) on the other side.

      You say, I quote:

      “Lastly for those afflicted with homosexual feelings, the most important thing is not to deem these feelings to be legitimate. You have to fight yourself. Do not place yourself in circumstances in which you will feel aroused;”

      Again, you have no valid arguments to call homosexual feelings an “affliction”, implying that it is a disease. To my knowledge, when Lot, peace be upon him, came to his people, he told them not to cast aside their feelings, but instead asked them why they’re doing (doing, that is committing something, not feeling) that which no other people did before. Once more, and this cannot be stressed enough, feelings and desires are one thing, actions are something completely other. Also, what is your suggestion on how a person should not place themselves “in circumstances in which you will feel aroused”? Should they avoid male company all together? That would be unreasonable to expect nor would it be feasible. Thus, just like it is duty of a heterosexual man to control his urges when in a company of the women which are forbidden to them, it is equal duty for a homosexual man (or woman) to control his (her) urges when in a company of other men (women).

      Lastly, you say:

      “Allah is the One Who controls the hearts, and Allah is the One Who turns our hearts from the reprehensible to the rewardable. It’s all easy for Allah.”

      All this is true, but nowhere does Allah, to my knowledge, state that having homosexual feelings is something reprehensible, and that it needs to be wiped out. Of course, it needs to be controlled.

      Why has Allah forbidden homosexual acts (not feelings, emotions, or perhaps even thoughts) explicitly is a question not easy to be answered. It is His prerogative to allow or forbid whatever He wants, and He doesn’t answer to anyone.

      I have said enough, I think.

      Salam.

    • Hope says:

      Thank you brother for your comment. We will pray for every struggling soul but we cannot turn something known haram to halal just because it is a new trend.

      May Allah help us all.

    • Hyde says:

      Salaam, brother,

      You seem to have the most rational and clear response.Your comment about the homosexual agenda and the beer is spot on. When I tell folks at my workplace that I don’t drink (or even drive a car), they actually it is pretty cool (sort of “self-assured” gentleman). One can hardly imagine what would happen if I were to openly and freely voice my opinion on homosexuality…so much for freedom of choice to speak on your mind, huh ? Overall it is the ideology of secularism that is the root of everything.

      -Salaam,
      & check out my comment below.

  5. Ade says:

    This is a very serious topic and it needs to be clarified for the people by the righteous scholars.
    In regards to the authors thoughts, there is one crucial point missing. Where is the dependence on Allah, if you are claiming to be or perhaps want to a “devoted” Muslim, where is the Iman and Tawakul. Nowadays we see increasingly people seeking counseling, mentoring, and guidance. this is not bad idea but if it is sought as the only way out then you are undermining the Role of Rabbi. you will have another rabbi that guides and you are dependent on. So seek refuge in Allaah. See guidance, help, advise and assistance with all your matter from Allah.
    The authors thoughts are compelling and persuasive but we need to be careful. Because this will lead to a cascade of other issues, that are are danger to the basic principles of Islam.

    • khaled says:

      Ade,

      Don’t hold your breath waiting for “righteous scholars”–i.e., those trying to eke a living out of the Deen–to demonstrate the “testicular fortitude” reqd to make sound judgment on the homosexual fitnah.

      Average folks (including most “scholars”) don’t want to rock the boat (America), because they want to climb aboard it.

      The ummah indeed lacks qualified scholars, never mind righteous ones, fit to enjoin the good, forbid the bad…but all is not lost:

      “And We have indeed made the Quran easy to understand and remember; then is there anyone that will receive admonition?”

      اللّهُـمَّ بِكَ أَصْـبَحْنا وَبِكَ أَمْسَـينا ، وَبِكَ نَحْـيا وَبِكَ نَمُـوتُ وَإِلَـيْكَ المَصِيْر

      La hawla wa la quwata ilah bilahil aliyul atheem.

      wS,
      Khaled

  6. Hanah says:

    I know how you feel, i used to be like you… Just pray To ALLAH to remove all your attraction or feeling towards same sex, if you really want to change your life you just put in your heart that what you feel is wrong, and prayers really helps,Now im very happy with my life alhadulillah.

  7. Katrina says:

    Good for you for realizing that the problem is with others and not with you. Allah loves all of us.

    • Gibran says:

      Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      “Allah loves all of us.”

      Where did Allah subhana wa ta’ala or His Messenger say that we are all loved? What brings you to say this?

      • da says:

        The Quran says so over and over again, in the sense of rahmah:

        http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/withthedivine/ra%E1%B8%A9mah-not-just-mercy/

        That may well be the sense by which Sr. Katrina used the word “love” – no need to assume otherwise.

        • Gibran says:

          Rahma is not the same as love. Rahma is caring compassion and love is love.

          We can say “Allah is merciful to all of us.”

        • da says:

          You’re not a native English speaker, are you?

          When Allah (swt), like our mothers, surrounds all of us in endless compassion, we readily call it love. The love we receive from Allah, our mothers, or our wives and husbands are not necessarily the same forms of love.

          I think the point you’re trying to make is that Allah’s universal rahmah is no excuse for us to disobey Him. Allah always has rahmah for everyone but does not have mahabbah for those who reject Him. Those are two different forms of love.

        • Gibran says:

          When we talk about Islam, the words are separate. I can love someone and not be merciful to them and I can have rahma to someone but not love them.

          Best keep them separate when in Arabic they are separate.

          And this should give us a better opinion of Allah aza wa jal. How caring he is even with those he does not love.

  8. Yaseen says:

    If I had an urge to watch pornography (for example), would I feel like I had to write an article about it, or would I seek help to suppress this urge, even though I was ‘born this way’? I don’t know, it seems like there are dark forces at work here, especially in the context of recent news headlines. May Allah save us and our future generations.

    • A says:

      Salam, there have been articles posted on this website regarding pornography.

      • Yaseen says:

        Jzk, but please show me one where a person is writing from their own experience and how they’re telling friends/the general public about it. There should be a sense of shame in feeling certain urges.

        • B says:

          Then why are you reading about them? Goodness gracious. This young man has a problem. He needs to talk about it. He’s doing it anonymously: talk of the problem isn’t a way of gaining attention or boastfulness, its a way for him to find recourse in others who understand.

        • Sara says:

          Why should one be shameful to discuss matters of this nature? He is not talking about his homosexual urges but the struggle he is facing as a homosexual-Muslim. I admire him for the courage he had to talk about this and I am so glad SuhaibWebb decided to publish it.
          Do men have any shame in feeling sexual urges? How we act upon our urges is what makes a difference. I was born heterosexual but this didn’t mean I had acted upon my my urges. I waited until I got married. This is no different than homosexuality: being homosexual but acting on it are two different things.

        • ag says:

          @Sara actually yes, men do feel shame about having sexual urges toward women(especially non-married young men). And I think it’s something that does need to be discusses. I think for every 4 times you hear young Muslim men talking about marriage at LEAST 1 (probably much more) are looking for a halal outlet for his “shameful” urges.

        • Ali says:

          Sarah,

          It is better to use the third person when discussing such matters. By people openly talking about their sins, it will make some people think that their sins are not so bad in comparison, and they will not be so ready to give them up.

        • Sara says:

          @ag and @Ali

          First of all the author is talking about his struggle and the need to address and discuss this issue in the Muslim community. This is different than publicly being open about it, if he was he would have signed with his real name and/or promoted it which is far from the case here.
          The author has not sinned and I find it hard that people are confusing these two aspects: sexuality and acting upon it.
          How else are we supposed to discuss serious matters such as this one? This site provides a good outlet and I am very happy to see that.
          Like B said the author is reaching out and not publicizing the fact he is gay, and he is doing so anonymously.

  9. Hanafiah says:

    Objectively, its a non starter. And yes, there should be proper recourse not contempt. In the days of the Prophets signs of Allah’s fury was displayed in this world. Today, it is all down to us, the umah, with full guidance at our disposal. For the older generations they are ill equipped to deal with new situations. As for me I fully support the idea of consultation and certain programs rather than contempt. Uncomfortable it can be for me but I feel the duty to befriend them like anyone else, muslims or not. Subjectively, it is shaky grounds. I have sinful desires but with opposite sex which is difficult to control and I struggle day in day out. Will I be in the same boat? I have seen homosexual struggled and succeeded in fact now preaching Islamic values. If he can do it?

  10. C says:

    Alhamdulilah that homosexuality is forbidden in Islam. Love the comments of the ummah on this article.

  11. Yousef says:

    Salam dear brother please get in touch we run a support group for same-sex attracted Muslims: http://www.straightstruggle.com

  12. Mary says:

    Assalaamu alaykum,

    I am glad to see a piece on this topic. As Muslims we all need to know how to talk about this with each other and with Non-Muslims. Many people agree with us, and many do not; we need to clarify our position and learn how to convey it.

    To the best of my understanding, homosexuals cannot by any means change the way that they feel regarding sexual relations. Of course, Allah, muqlb aqulub can do anything, subhanallah. This comment, then, is concerning those that feel that Allah has willed their hearts not to change in this matter.

    My largest concern is that homosexuals will find their friends in faith getting married and not know how to approach the matter. It pains my heart to think that two people would get married and neither would be able to fully partake in the pleasures of marital intimacy because of the differences in their make-up. How can we deal with this issue? It is no one’s “fault.” Should we encourage homosexual men and women to remain chaste, yes, and to avoid marriage where their inability to develop intimacy with their spouse could make life difficult and frustrating for the spouse?

    Additionally, if a homosexual person is encouraged to get married, should he/she tell the spouse about the conflict? It is important to be truthful in a marriage and most importantly before the final ceremonies take place. We discuss many things before marriage like how and when to have children, if a brother would contemplate having more than one wife, and where they will live. Medical issues are another important aspect of what to mention before marriage. Therefore, with all of the topics in mind that we talk about before marriage, should a homosexual person talk about those tendencies before marriage?

    Thank you all for your attention and for your responses. May Allah guide us in this life to reach Him in the next.

    Jazakum allah khayr,

    Your sister, Mary

  13. Mohammad Masud says:

    Thank you Br. Ali for your great response to this post. Can’t agree more on what you said. Mohammed Yusuf declared that homosexuality isn’t a sin without giving any reference from Quran and Hadith. If the justification made in this article are acceptable in Islam or any religion or society, you can’t have punishment system for serial killer, psychopath, habitual thief, pedophile, polygamy, drug addict… you name it – almost all the people who commits those acts would justify that it’s not they choose to do but “they just born in that way”.

    I like this website and try to read its posts but felt bad by seeing this post that claims so many things with no valid references. I hope the authority of this website would publish posts that claims a thing with supported Quran and Hadith quote.

    • HM says:

      Salam.

      Interestingly, and paradoxically in the same time, neither you nor anyone else, to my knowledge, have evidence, much less proof, that having same sex attractions (being homosexual in nature) is a sin. I know not of any Qor’an verse, or Sahih hadith, in which it is stated that being homosexual (having same sex attractions) is sinfull.

      However, of course, acting homosexually is a sin. But a crucial difference, which too many people fail to see, is that a person will not, as far as I know, be questioned about their feelings (when it comes to this matter), but will be questioned about their actions.

  14. fred says:

    I really got a problem with this testimony and comments about: homosexuality is not a choice.
    because 1: no scientific studIES (not study) proove it. And 2 saying that, is like saying that Allah created gay man/woman, so if that s true, so I guess that we have a problem with all the Quran, and teaching of the sunna.

    As far I remenber it is not a sin as long you don’t act on it, and don’t… talk about it.
    May Allah helps us.

    • Ali says:

      Fred,

      Muslims believe Allah is the Creator of EVERYTHING. Allah is the Creator of the beings, their actions and their feelings. Allah created normal people and homosexuals. The issue here is that one cannot indulge in sin even if the person has a proclivity towards it.

  15. Hana says:

    Where in this article is the author “revealing his sins” as so many of the commenters are reprimanding him for doing? When did predisposed inclinations and feelings become sinful? If all Muslims kept quiet on the struggles they faced, we’d be a doomed Ummah. Imagine no one writing or speaking about their struggles with not being able to consistently pray the 5 prescribed daily prayers, and if they dared to confess, being told to keep quiet and go see a sheikh.

    Power and peace to you, brother who wrote this article.

    • Sara says:

      @ Hana,
      I agree with you, and I have expressed it in my comment above.
      First of all the author is talking about his struggle and the need to address and discuss this issue in the Muslim community. This is different than publicly being open about it, if he was he would have signed with his real name and/or promoted it which is far from the case here.
      As for those who have responded to my previous comment I again reiterate that the author has not sinned. I find it hard hard that people are confusing these two aspects: sexuality and acting upon it.

  16. Ehsaan says:

    i dont really have anything to add to this discussion but i just wanted to commend all the brothers and sisters for being very civil and handling this sensitive issue with care. ive read a lot of the comments and im impressed. This site attracts the right kind of readers. hamdullah.

  17. faqeer says:

    homosexuality is a constructed identity, the word itself was coined in the english language only in the late 19th century, and was a technical term form a person with a psychological/medical condition wherein s/he partakes in same-sex encounters. The concept – that one’s sexual attraction to the same sex is categorical and not an extreme on a moral/depravity spectrum – is a recent invention to legitimate the self-entitled transgressor. What you are talking about is a recent phenomenon as a subculture which was never a category until post-enlightenment rationalization of unrestrained satisfaction of desires.
    Also, there is NO evidence by even a single paper in the field of genetics that substantiates the claim that sexual attraction to the same sex is genetic. Look them up; every paper with such a claim has been thoroughly rejected by the field. We only recently discovered what controls the color of your eyes, and you want to talk about the complexity of sexual desire?! Furthermore, aside from the complexity of genetic governance, every human being has free will, in spite of their genetic predispositions.

  18. AnotherGuy says:

    May Allah protect the community from the evil of the accursed devil, the world and our selfish desires. It is sad to see that many are with the idea that homosexuality is not a choice; it definitely is. Do not ever blame anything on the Will of Allah like the accursed devil tried as an argument before. Our entire life is about choices. We choose to be a Muslim or not, to perform our prayer or not, to get married or not, to be a gay or not, to commit adultery or not etc. It is a common excuse given by the nafs to justify oneself; do not be deluded. By being given the urge, it does not make it being not your choice. If that is the case, one may argue that he in a fornicator not by choice (due to the urge from his animal self), may Allah protect us all from the delusion.

    If one is truly sincere in seeking help when one is gay; there are numerous scholars and Muslim brothers or sisters who are more than willing to help one overcome it. Go to your local mosque and perhaps the Imam could help; else go to the next town’s mosque for you have to put an effort for Allah would not change the state of a group unless the group themselves act for a change.

    However, if one were to try and find a scholar who is in the opinion that homosexuality is allowed in Islam or one can take his own sweet time to mend his way, then know that probably he is no scholar as it is unanimously agreed without any shadow of doubt of its ruling (i.e. forbidden).

    • Paul Bartlett says:

      I am not convinced that so many things are always choices in this life. I did not choose to struggle with mental illness severe enough that it landed me in a psychiatric hospital multiple times, severe enough that I still require strong drugs to keep from going off the deep end, severe enough that it hinders my observance of deen and even belief in and reliance on Allah (swt) at all. I did not choose it.

      Similarly, one might not necessarily choose homosexual inclination (I am not competent to judge). As I understood it, the author of this article was trying to express his situation as a Muslim in a community which often is either unknowing, uncaring, or quick to condemn. I did not understand him as justifying any particular act or acts.

      Several commenters have expressed the opinion that someone in such a situation should seek counsel in some way. Often that is easier said than done for some people in some circumstances. After I made shahada many years ago I tried to find a psychiatrist in my area who was a serious, practicing Muslim so that I could deal with my illness in terms of Islamic principles. I was not able to find one. Likewise, individuals wrestling with other inner matters, such as this author, may not always be able to find knowledgeable, sincere, competent Muslims to whom to turn for assistance. These are the kinds of issues that the Muslim community has to face, including that some aspects of life may NOT be choices. I think the writer is to be commended for broaching this matter for consideration.

      • AnotherGuy says:

        Brother, the like of mental illness and other physical disabilities are different than inclinations of the self where one have control over. The scholars have covered them in their works.

        The rulings for all acts will have to be derived from scholars (who derives them from the Quran and the light of sunnah alongside ijma’and ijtihad). The mind could not use logic and emotions to derive a ruling for anything.

        Quote (from Reliance of the Traveler):
        The position of the Asharis, the followers of Abul Hasan Ash’ari, is that the mind is unable to know the rule of Allah about the acts of those morally responsible except by means of His messengers and inspired books. For minds are in obvious disagreement about acts. Some minds find certain acts good, others find them bad. Moreover, one person can be of two minds about one and the same action. Caprice often wins out over the intellect, and considering something good or bad comes to be based on mere whim. So it cannot be said that an act which the mind deems good is therefore good in the eyes of Allah, its performance called for and its doer rewarded by Allah; or that whatever the mind feels to be bad is thus bad in the eyes of Allah, its nonperformance called for and its doer punished by Allah.

        And Allah knows best.

        • Gibran says:

          Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

          Didn’t Abul Hassan Ash’ari abandon his creed in his last years for the methodology of Ahmad ibn Hanbal?

          In any case, we only need to say “We hear and obey.” We don’t need to use our intellect, or kalam or any other thing made after Allah and His Messenger sallahualayhiwasalam. It is clear to Muslims we are to obey Allah and His Messenger.

        • Ali says:

          Gibran,

          It is the ideology of the Wahhabis to claim that virtually all of the scholars of Ahlus-Sunnah abandoned their `aqidah and embraced the object worshiping doctrine of the Mujassimah.

  19. yyl says:

    Some of the comments don’t seem to have read the article. The author makes a clear distinction between feelings of homosexuality and acting on those feelings (the sin is in the latter). The fact that this is probably not written under his real name, and that he acknowledges that he hasn’t ‘come out’ doesn’t warrant the judgemental comments against his ‘telling others’ about his sin. He has told us about struggling reconciling his feelings for people of the same gender and his Islam. If he admitted to acting on those feelings, then yes, he would have been telling us about his sin – but then again, we don’t know who he is.

    As for urging him to find a pious Muslim to talk to, did you read the article? That’s exactly what he did.

  20. Karim says:

    Salaams. Although I am not inclined to homosexuality, I’m able to empathize with the brother who wrote the article. The hypocritical-bordering-on-dismissive-to-hateful attitudes of many of the married “brothers and sisters” in many busy-body, gossip-ridden mosque scene towards any unmarried or divorced – or may Allah forbid – gay or gender-confused person is enough to drive all but the strongest and resilient of people out the door never to return.

    Critical, gossipy Muslims should strictly mind their own business. There’s a hadith which can be capsulized “Don’t be interested in that which doesn’t concern you.” Live and let live. Don’t go all superior on others. You are seeing the outward and Allah alone sees the inward. Be kind to other people. You don’t know what they go through.

    When I first converted, I was in a Muslim country and thought it was sooo nice to see young (teenagers) adults walking around hand-in-hand, arm-in-arm and cheek-kissing in public. I thought to myself what loving kind people Muslims are to be so openly affectionate with each other. I still think public affection is not a bad thing. BUT let people have their private lives and don’t be so judgmental against others.

    Personally, I favor polygamy if it were done correctly, if all parties could get along and the government and tax-system would get out of the way. But that’s another subject which has to do with wealth-sharing and labor-division.

  21. Farah says:

    Jazakallah khair for the heartfelt and really illuminating article, brother. It’s so important to bring these sort of struggles to light, so that the Muslims facing them can get the support they need from within the community, instead of leaving Islam over this issue. May Allah bless you and keep you strong in Iman, Ameen.

  22. Ali says:

    Merely having feelings for people of same sex can’t be said to be homosexuality. It is the sexual act that makes one. Islam is opposed to sex outside marriage between men and women, fpeople who engage in it of any nature isn’t good for iman. When western people talk of sexuality they are generally talking of pre marital sex. If one doesn’t engage in pre marital sex, they shouldn’t be worried about their faith.

  23. Mohammed says:

    I’m sorry but this is not acceptable. Essentially what your trying to do is get the pity of the Muslim community because “You choose,” to do this horrendous sin.

    You might as well have a guy who fornicates with girls come on and try to give us a guilt trip and let him complain how, “Bad he feels when others talk bad about fornicators.”

    Fact of the matter is that there are many straight single Muslims who cannot get married and keep firm on their faith and choose not to fornicate instead.

    I personally am one of those Muslims. I became religious the age of 18 and tried my best to get married then but because of my disibility and my finacial circumstances at the time I wasn’t able to.

    Now even though now I’m financially stable, because of my disability it is very difficult to find a wife. So what should I do? If I use your logic because I’m attracted to women and have no other choice, then I can go and buy a bunch of prostitutes and just party for the rest of my life.

    Then I can come and write an article on this site giving you all a guilt trip on how bad my circumstances were and that I thought I would never get married.

    Sorry but that doesn’t cut it. If the man believes in Islam, then he should follow it. If he isn’t attracted to women then no where does it say that, “We Must Get Married.”

    There are many many pious men who never got married and or had sex with another individual yet still lived happy productive lives.

    So There is no excuse here. Sorry.

  24. By says:

    Thank you for the post and to the readers for sharing your thoughts on this topic. Islam does not shy away from matters which concern the religion, and homosexuality is certainly an issue that is prevalent in our times. This article has opened my eyes to the possibility that there could be many active muslims within our community who also struggle with homosexuality. As for whether or not such inclinations are a choice, I prefer not to pass judgment as Allah knows best. I will take the word of those who open their hearts to us and tell us they would not choose to be in this position.

    Some of the comments have importantly pointed out the fundamental difference between one’s inclinations towards the opposite gender and the action and thereby sin of acting upon such feelings. As far as I am aware, neither issue is something that takes a person outside the fold of islam. Just as the individual has a sharia obligation to refrain from acting on such desires, as a community we also have a responsibility in acknowledging this issue and supporting our brothers who are struggling with this. Support, however, does not need to equal an overall embracing of homosexuality. Support may take many forms, including a) acknowledgement of the struggle b)having compassionate and learned muslim scholars and counsellors in place to support the individual and family if need be. Just as we support fellow muslims who struggle with other sins, like gambling and alcoholism we need to be more aware of and be prepared to respond to such matters within our community.

    On an ending note, I would like to clarify that I by no means support homosexuality for various reasons. But think of this…perhaps this brother’s struggle is the biggest one he will ever face and perhaps it is the enormity of this struggle and how he ‘chooses’ to respond to it that may make him receive the pleasure of his Lord. Perhaps he will be more favourable to his Lord than you or I will ever be..

    Allah knows best.

  25. By says:

    *same gender

  26. jj says:

    Asalaamalaikum Warahmat Allah Wabarakatu,

    Homosexuality IS a choice. To say that it is not a choice is saying that Allah is not just, astaghfirillah. Enough of the sugar-coating done to Islam, enough of the cherry-picking. As Muslims we are supposed to mold our ownselves to fit into Islam, not take what we like and chuck what we don’t. Where is the modesty in this piece of writing and what is the need to bring it to the surface? If problems need to be dealt with, then let’s deal with them. But with the Noble Quran and Sunnah in the forefront, not desires. People change all the time, and Allah tells us repeatedly to seek HIM for guidance. If one feels they cannot stop having these immoral tendencies, that does not in any way give them the license to accept it as who they are. On the contrary it means they should be seeking Allah as their number One attachment and not lose hope that Allah will purify their desires. Problem is, if one sees their homosexuality as part of who they are and therefore seeks out pity versus constructive feedback through the teachings of our beloved Rasullilah salAllahu alayhee wasallam on how to properly jihad their nafs, then you know what? There is no room for change because the intention is messed up in accepting that nothing can change and being gay is how they were created and how they will always be. They have then lost all hope, and therefore trust in Allah to alter their desires for what is more befitting. Furthermore, there is a reason why Allah wants us to keep those skeletons in the closet and not expose those elephants in the masjid or musalla. It is clearly stated that “Fitna ashaddu min alQalt” in the Quran, this means that even the publicity of corruption is worse than murder. Righteous scholars have explained this in the sense that if there is empathy given to the wrongdoers (even if they believe in LaIllaha ilAllah) FOR their wrongdoing, then this is part of the downfall of righteousness in family and therefore society. Furthermore, even though Imam Suhaib Webb did not write this article, the link about says “suhaibwebb.com” and therefore it is irresponsible for something like this be published without making it utterly clear what the Islamic Stance is on EVERY thing that has been expressed. Especially because Imam Suhaib Webb has a huge responsibility on his shoulders with this topic here online and in the state in which he preaches, the first state in the US to allow gay marriages..Massachusetts. Our Ummah is in a mess, and the disclaimer below really is not enough if our first priority here in relating ilm and gaining ilm. May Allah guide each of us and help us stick to the Straight Path. Ameen.

  27. Abu Abdilah says:

    I begin in the Name of Allah, and may the peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah.

    My advice to my brothers who are dealing with this issue is(be patient with the intro/pleaase complete the reading): Allah, the Most High, created us for a single purpose; to worship Him alone as Allah informs us in the Noble Qur’an. Worship is everything which Allah loves and is pleased with. This life is a test as we have heard many times;do we choose to do good or evil, believe or disbelieve, follow the example of Muhamad may peace and blessings be upon him, or follow our own desires etc. Allah has sent us the Qur’an, a guide for those who believe, and has sent us the noble Prophet. Everything we need in order to get closer to Allah is written in the Qur’aan and the Sunnah of our Noble Prophet. There is no more revalation to come in the form of whisperings. The whisperings we get which oppose the law of Allah know that they are from our enemy, satan. The best of mankind after the Pophets and the Messengers are the beautiful companions of our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and may Allah be pleased with them. Allah tested them with tests much harder than thoughts of homosexuality.Whisperings came to them even about Allah, the Most High, which are far more difficult to deal with than homosexual thoughts since the believer loves Allah more than anything else and can’t bear having evil thoughts about Him. They came to our Noble Prophet, as Abu Hurairah and other companions narrated to us us, and told him that we get evil thoughts that we find it extremely difficult to talk about them and in other narrations some of them mentioned that they would rather be thrown from the sky than speak about them. Yet others said we would rather be cinders than speak about them, which shows the severity of their thoughts. What was the response of our Noble Prophet. He responded in few narrations after asking them “Do you really feel as such(meaning you hate these thoughts to that degree)? and they replied “Yes.”: “That is true faith”, “Allah is the Greatest!All the praise are for Allah who has restricted his (satans) capabilities to whispering”. These narrations show that no matter how great the whisperings which satan whispers to the believer are, even if it is about Allah, they can’t harm him as long as s/he hate them. As long as one hates them, doesn’t act upon them, doesn’t invite to them, this is a sign of his faith. It is difficult talking to anyone about these issues;however, I advice my brothers who have such thoughts to speak to the scholars from the people of the Sunnah or those who are connected to the scholars since they know are the most knowledgeable about the religion of Allah and they are the ones who fear Allah the most as He has informed us. Know o my brother, that we can’t control satan’s whispers to us. He will whisper to us as long as we are alive, trying to misguide us from the path of Allah so he may ruin our eternal next life.What is upon us is to be sincere to Allah, and make dua to Him alone, crying to him, to remove any evil thoughts that may come to us, and know that Allah is more merciful to us than we are to our own selves. Moreover, Allah is the only one who is able to do anything, anything He wants He says Be and It is. I also advice you to study and follow the Sunnah of our Noble Prophet, and act upon it as much as possible. Read the Quran, memorize as much as possible, reflect on the meaning of its verses. Use Husnil Muslim, and do the daily dhikr the Prophet used to do and remember that Allah will never let the belivers down. It is only a test. These whispers, whether they are about Allah or anything else on His religion, or other sins, major like homosexuality, or other than it,will not last forever, they will go away. Remember that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear; He tests the believers according to their abilities. Allah know best.

  28. Muslim says:

    I am extremely sorry to say but what has the world come to. I don’t blame anyone but the culture we all are raised in. I am not and will never deny that homosexuality does not exist among muslims. I think a lot of educated “scholars” have posted very “informative” discussions on the topic. Well I am not a scholar and English is not my first language so I don’t know if that makes smart or not as the author quotes “Not a service run by a traditional-minded scholar who can barely speak English”. First of this study is solely based on feelings and not actual facts. How one feels does not justify his/her acts. If homosexuality is acceptable then acts like rapping, killing, and all other acts should be acceptable for the society as the person can say that he/she was born with it and it was not a choice to them. Please provide studies regarding this topic Instead of corrupting people’s mind about a sensitive issue. If we are born as gay/straight men and women then I have some doubts about “islam”. Why is Allah warning us about the punishments related to something natural, something that we have no control over. Recent movies, news, or homosexual trends are pushing muslims towards acceptance of such evils. If accepting such acts is ok then there is no point of me being muslim and following the beautiful religion of Islam. I would suggest the author should provide scientific studies proving that this is something we are born with and is not a choice. You could be trapped in a wrong body genetically and have those feeling and that case you can seek medical help. To say that it is natural to have feelings for the same sex with normal hormones and genetic material is just not…. My comment is not intended to hurt any muslim brother or sister.

    • Muslim says:

      I do also believe that if a person is truly committed to the religion then they should sit down and research about the topic of concern. Stop looking into holloywood/bollywood movies, trends, society acceptance, and I truly believe that when you look into the matter through islamic prospective then it will surely provide you with solutions. Islam is not just a religion but a way of life.

  29. Ahsan says:

    Sh. Yasir Qadhi has written about this here, and has a very similar position to the one expressed in your article:

    http://muslimmatters.org/2009/04/13/dealing-with-homosexual-urges/

  30. B. Fish. says:

    This is the word of Allah and not anyone’s opinion:

    “Do you indeed approach men with desire instead of women? Rather, you are a people behaving ignorantly.” (27:55)

  31. Shakir says:

    Regardless of whether or not it is a choice or if it is something you are born with is irrelevant in my opinion. I view it as a derire, which happens to be stonger in some than others, and not present at all in others.
    I would not think less of person who had these desires, so long as they did not act on them, and if they did act on them then I would hope they would make tawba and not carry on with the sin. Similarlly, I might have the urge or desire to drink every now and then, however I supress my desire for the sake of Allah. Should I be judged as an alcoholic or as one who commits the major sin of intoxication? certainly not

    Anyone who tries to say same gender relations are ok has deviation in their heart. It is a major sin, and may Allah protect us all from approaching such a thing.

    Allah tries us all differently.

    Brother to label yourself as homosexual because you have have these desires is wrong in my opinion. You are a Muslim inshaAllah, that is the label Allah has chosen for us. InshaAllah you submit to Allah and not your desires, and if you have made the mistake before then I hope you can make tawba not fall into it again.

  32. Diala says:

    Having these homosexual tendencies, feelings and “desires”, as you said, itself is not a sin. The sin however, is where you act on your desires and you’re ‘hawa’. That is when your Nafs tricks you and gets you in trouble, and makes you sin.

    The key is to not act on these desires. Just pray to Allah to help you. Genuinely do so. Make sincere du’a and have faith in Allah.

    Each person has a test in life, not all tests are the same. Some have their test related to money, some family, others their sexuality.

    Remember, the harder the struggle, the greater the reward in sha’ Allah.

  33. Yakoub says:

    May Allah bless you and keep you strong.

  34. SisterZ says:

    My comment is directed to Sh. Suhaib Webb and the rest working on this site.

    Dear Sh. Webb,
    I am glad to see this topic being discussed. It is important for people to have compassion for all others and try to understand their position and struggle. It is important for us to have empathy for the difficult struggles homosexuals often face. I have worked alongside homosexuals for over a year, and I know that they do not actively choose their orientation. I know that people of all orientations are simply people, they are wonderful, they are human, they are worthy, they are like us. I know of the distress brought upon them by the mainstream community. We need to understand that “homosexual Muslim” is a real concept. Homosexuality is a sexual orientation, it is not a behavior, just as heterosexuality is an orientation. I am sad that people find it acceptable to make “gay jokes” and belittle people simply based on a different natural orientation and therefore I am glad to see this article.

    At the same time, however, I know fully well that the concerns of some worried voiced here are valid. It is highly likely that there will be a group of people who will take this article to a different level than it itself has presented. There are many individuals (and groups), a couple of which have already participated on this thread, who are intent on something much further than recognizing and having empathy for homosexuals. Their goal is actually to make gay romance and gay marriage acceptable within Islamic law. I’m sure you are aware of these people. I am not merely being suspicious, as I have been amongst these people/groups.

    Thus I see it as vital for the scholarly Islamic stance(s) on homosexual romantic relationships and homosexual marriage to be made clear. A detailed and supported presentation of the subject according to Islamic law needs to be understood, because not everything in Islamic law is allowable based on it resulting from natural, innate feelings. I can see very easily this post becoming an immense source of confusion for people.

    Nonetheless, I’m still glad to see the topic finally being openly discussed.

    Thank you very much!

  35. Tawakkol says:

    Assalaamu aleikum,

    I will not make a conclusion on whether or not homosexuality is forbidden in Islam as the only knowledge I have are ayaat 7:81 and 26:165 of the Qur’an, which talk about the people Prophet Lut came to warn. I personally see it as something unnatural and feel it to be haraam, however, I think it’s also very important that we show sympathy and support to our brothers and sister who have feelings toward the same sex and to help them resolve them. We need to be constructive.

    There are several types of homosexuals. The most one that comes into the minds of religious people are people who are bored of one sex and want to try something new, or have actively strayed so far from the righteous path that they are simply rebelling against God or society through their homosexual acts or relationships.

    The second type are those who have genuine homosexual feelings but they don’t know why. They didn’t do anything rebellious, they have probably never had sex, they just don’t feel attracted to the opposite sex, but to the same sex.

    The last type are those who are born with mixed organs. Alhamdulilah these people are not many, however their struggle is greater than what any of us can imagine. I truly feel that they have a great test from Allah swt, but that He will show them great mercy on the Day of Judgement isa.

    The first type are people who are the hardest to help, primarily because they are homosexual by choice, they see it as their right, and they are the most ones that participate in parades, etc. Convincing them that they are wrong in their choices is no small task as they can be quite zealous about their stance.

    The second type are, I believe, like the writer of this article. Certain sequences of events and factors in their lives have depolarized their sexual orientation, despite their bodies producing appropriate types and levels of sex hormones. Many of these people are indeed interested and hopeful of overcoming their homosexual feelings, and their calls for help should not fall on deaf ears. The problem is that we don’t know how to deal with them. I had a friend who was Muslim and like a brother, but at one point he broke up with his fiancee, with whom he’d been for a long time, and that devastated him. Eventually he became homosexual. I tried my best to talk to him and help him to get back to the way he was, but I didn’t have the necessary knowledge nor skill set to do so, even though he was willing to try.

    There have been many success stories around the world of homosexual people becoming straight, by a variety of means, but I think that until now there is no one universal way to make it happen. My best advice to those brothers and sisters is to keep your imaan as strong as you can, be active in the masjid and the Muslim community, pray, volunteer, do charity activities, and most importantly pray to Allah swt to help you be the best Muslim example. As for your homosexual feelings, as much as some people are saying you should talk about them, I tell you keep them to yourself if you truly want to stop. Especially from members of the same sex you may be attracted to. The moment that you become comfortable as a homosexual will be the moment that your quest will become many times more difficult. KNOW in your mind that it’s a sin, ask Allah for forgiveness all the time, but do not distance yourself from Him or the community just because you think you are committing a sin. I’m sure that most of the Muslims that go to your Mosque have committed sins in their lives that are equal or maybe even greater than yours. The point is to not give up, this is what Shaytan wants, instead fight him with tawbah and esteghfar, and Allah swt will be in your corner to push you forward in the right path isA.

  36. Kamal says:

    “If homosexuality is acceptable then acts like rapping, killing, and all other acts should be acceptable for the society as the person can say that he/she was born with it and it was not a choice to them.” Except in all of these mentioned acts there is a lack of consent from the other party. A man forcing sex on another man is still rape. Two consenting adults engaging in homosexuality with each other does not harm anyone but these individuals who choose and consent to engage in this activity. Equating homosexuality to murder, rape, pedophilia, etc is thoughtless, in my opinion.

    • Ahmed says:

      Kamal, you are wrong. you just can’t compare rape with homosexuality. In rape there is no consent.

  37. Haajar says:

    Salaams brother,

    I ask that Allah ease for you your hardship and that he guides you to the straight path. All I’m going to say is that the reason why most Muslims don’t talk about it, is because the discussion leads to a dead end. A very obvious one. I do hope you know about Prophet Lut and his story. An entire nation was destroyed because the indecent actions they were doing. Imagine, an entire qawm wiped out. The question remains why? Because it was an unlawful act. Who made it unlawful? Allah (swt). And we do NOT question His orders (that is very dangerous and leads to kufr). We hear and we obey. I’m glad you brought this topic up. But I hope you didn’t post this article for the purpose of justifying this act, or declaring it ‘unsinful’ (that would also be dangerous). I am your fellow Muslim sister, and I will make dua for you and I will ask Allah to guide you. No hatred coming from here. Just trying to deliver God’s message. I love all my Muslims brothers and sisters for the sake of Allah, and please remember: we are One nation, One people, One family. With peace I came and to you all I wish peace. Salaams

  38. yahya says:

    The issue with: muslims making jokes about gay people while their in the room or not is no different than when we make fun of other peoples religion and the non-believers do the same to us. Even within our Islamic sects. The way I understand the story of Lut: the gay people would not change and refused but there were men among them whom are straight as an arrow but choose to practice their desires on men. And this type or this group were the ones whom had to be saved.

    • Ali says:

      Yahya, if a Muslim condemns moral degeneracy and perversion, he’s not wrong for doing so. Muslims have the right to do so. On the other hand, the disbeliever has no right to insult Islam.

      • Gibran says:

        Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

        We condemn moral degeneracy but there isn’t a reason to curse their gods (aliha, what they enslave themselves to.)

  39. Andreea says:

    A,

    I do not know much and cannot give good advice (i mean i don’t know enough from an islamic perspective), but should you need a friend just for chatting, i would gladly be here for you. Don’t be sad and disheartened, remember you have a good support and listener in Allah :) so if you need a friend reply and i’ll give you my e-mail adress. All the good wishes and may peace pe upon you.

  40. Sarah says:

    I can’t say anything much which has not been better said.

    However, I think that I should point out that we cannot compare someone who has same-sex feelings to someone who fornicates. The first is a feeling, which the person fights just as someone fights their own normal opposite-sex lustful feelings. The second is an act condemned fully by Allah SWT. Sodomy (homosexual romance/sex) is completely forbidden by Allah SWT, and we all agree on that. What we need to do now is help those who have these feelings and suppress them, to stay on the straight path of Islam, and I think that this is what the author was asking for.

    (Also, you should see the comment above which distinguishes between ‘homosexuality’ – there are those who fully choose this path (as we are seeing in modern society today), those who are simply born with these feelings and fight them, and those who are tested by being born with mixed-organs)

  41. Hassen says:

    Anyone consider the physical factors that may contribute to homosexual feelings? Of course Allah doesn’t burden anyone with a burden greater than they can bare. But we should definitely seek the means to addressing the challenges we face.

    Alhamdulillah we need to address this issue from a spiritual level, but I think we have totally neglected the physical level. Our bodies are being bombarded with so many harmful chemicals these days in our food, water, and the synthetic materials we interact with. It naturally has an affect on our bodies- often increasing levels of estrogen and decreasing testosterone. Might be worth looking into if a person with homosexual feelings is seeking a means of ridding themselves of these feelings.

    Anyways, didn’t see this point made before so I thought I’d add it to the discussion. May Allah ease this challenge for our brothers and sisters dealing with these feelings.

  42. Justanothermuslim sister says:

    Asalamu aleykum.
    All Praises belong to Allah.
    May peace be on all of you.
    Bismillah,
    By the article, i understand that my brother seems to justify homosexuality as something which is natural and one has no ability to choose against it if they are indeed homosexual. Well…. Thats one way of looking at it, and the other and the correct way, is not to rely on limited human judgement but rather the Divine rule i.e Allah’s rule.

    We know Allah is All Fair, He has no nature of wronging His slaves and we also know He is All Wise and The God of the universe. What He says is and has to be believed to be the most right, the perfectly right and unrifutably right, otherwise we are not the believers we claim ourselves to be.

    Now, for my brother to say that homosexuals havent a choice like us straight people do, is competing with Allah as being the perfectly right. Think about it, how would Allah be fair, as He is, if he punished a nation(Lut) for something they had no control over. Why would Allah send a prophet to warn this people against this evil? Wudnt that be absurd to say that Allah is contradicting himself(a’udubillah) when he tells us that no soul will be punished for something he has no control or will over but rather what that soul caused by his own choice?.

    So long story short, just because you feel something is right and your desire for something is present, doesnt make it right. People are different. If everyone was left to decide on what is right and what is wrong, this world would not be a world to live in. Thank Allah for His prophets and books.

    Another, is of the issue where someone says they are sincerely commited to Allah while they are involved in homosexuality (this is not me judging but rather discusing a point). It is not possible that a sincere true believer who has surrendered his entire free will to Allah to be a homosexual, which is a grave sin.

    Notice here, when you surrender something entirely, you no longer have the rights to that thing, you must comply with what the owner says about that which you have surrendered to him, therefore all the rules of use will come from the owner. In this case when you surrender your free will to Allah, He becomes the full owner. You trust He has the knowledge and wisdom to safekeep your free will in your best interest and you trust you have no ability to takecare of your free will because you have no knowledge or experience. Also that if you dont give Allah to safekeep ur free will that it will be corrupted by shaitan( who is more intelligent and much more experienced than a human who did not surrender his will to Allah). You will then feel content that however Allah tells you to use ur free will is ultimately the smartest and rightest and safest way you could use it where it cannot be attacked by the devils.

    Now, that in mind, you must also keep in mind that when you commit a sin and you do not feel regret and you justify that sin, it keeps you in dangerous grounds. You are following the footsteps of satan,he refused to prostrate and justified why he shouldnt when he said am created from fire and he is created from clay. This world is for tests, we were not sent here without a mission and this life is short. So to be smart you must disregard all your opinions and prejudices and preferences and think, how did Allah say i shud use my free will. So my point is, there is no discussion when it comes to divine rulings, thats none of our bussiness what we think. If Allah tells us to sit we sit, no questions asked. If he tells us why He told us to sit, then its from His mercy and not our right. If He tells us to sit and we stand and we justify our standing and come up with reasons why we shouldnt sit, then that means we dont agree with His ruling a’udubillah and we find ourselves in a better position to give a (better) ruling.
    If any of us are not doing what Allah says, then we must be aware that we are commiting a disobedience and that is ok because humans sin, so we should repent and try again to be better, but to do opposite of what Allah says and justify it is never gonna be okey and will cause Allah’s anger and punishment. May Allah guide all of us and protect us from the corruption of the shaitan. May He show us what is wrong as wrong and help us to avoid it and what is right as right and help us to follow it. Aamen.

  43. Gibran says:

    Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

    “There is an Islamic viewpoint that says the having of same-sex feelings is itself no sin.”

    What exactly are you trying to say with this? That there is an Islamic viewpoint that the feelings ARE a sin? Because I have never heard this.

    Or are you saying there is another Islamic viewpoint that these relationships are ok? Because they aren’t…

  44. aamir says:

    Thank you for posting this. It is however a common belief in Muslims that homosexuality is a disease – I have heard people say this in Khutbas. You have more or less answered this canard by pointing out that if sexual orientation is not a choice, how can it be a disease? The same was established as scientific fact by the American Psychiatric Association in 1974.
    So then, when Muslims claim that Islam considers it a disease, how are they not adding an unscientific claim to Islam? If Islam is immutable it means you cannot add anything to it – everyone knows that you cannot remove something from it, but immutable works both ways – adding anything that is contrary to science (or reason) seems just a bit worse. The verses themselves are against rape (sodomy).

    • Ali says:

      Aarmir,

      What the Western researchers make up on a given week doesn’t mean that it is a fact. Homosexuality is, in the least, a disease in the heart which inclines one to desire to engage in perversion. If the Muslim resists these inclinations for the sake of Allah, then this is a good thing, and he earns reward.

    • Gibran says:

      Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      There are clear ayat in the Quran against the very act itself.

  45. trr says:

    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah to all my brothers and sisters

    I want to share my experience only because I believe it will add to this discussion and also help me heal, so thank you for your patience. The outcome of the experience I want to share is to give one example of how homosexual feelings can be acquired instead of inherent. My personal understanding is that the acquired homosexuality is more common than the inborn

    To introduce myself, I am a scientist as well have worked with children who were sexual abused, and been involved with various community development initiatives and islamic activities for many years now as well as taken formal knowledge in Islam. My religion is the most important thing in my life and it has been a guiding force all my life.

    But here’s the thing, I grew up with a mentally ill mother, an irresponsible and violently hot-tempered father, as well the only other male member in the ‘family’ was my uncle, a well qualified and respected physician..but he was a gambler and a drunkard. My aunt was married for 25 years to a man who did not work but she provided for him. And all this in a so called ‘Muslim’ family in a traditional Muslim community. That is, a community that reveres the man as the provider, the woman as the home builder and does not allow women (despite what is in theory in our deen) to escape bad marriages easily. It is hard for a western society to understand the dynamics of that type society. Suffice it to say, I thank God for my emigration out of there.
    As you may imagine I never had much respect for men nor did I think marriage was a favourable thing, rather a place where women were in state of vulnerability and sexual exploitation. I know these words are hard, but bear with me, I am stating it as it was for me. Unfortunately most people suffering in such situations are the ones who cannot easily speak up. During high school I was befriended (I went to an all girls high school) by an incredibly beautiful talented Muslim girl who confided in me that she had been sexually abused in her childhood, and she came from a supposedly functional Muslim family. She was too scared to speak about this to her family. It was during that friendship that I began to really question my sexuality as I felt I was more attracted to individuals of my own sex than the opposite. At this time I was also learning Islam (my family hardly needs be said was unpractising at the time) and the more I studied and learned the more I tried to implement. I was very strict with myself about lowering my gaze when it came to boys as this was an age where all my friends had boyfriends…though we were Muslims we were in a dominantly non-Muslim westernized society. You needed a boyfriend, to drink, party etc. to be ‘cool’. However now looking back I wonder if I did the ‘lowering the gaze’ too well as it took me that much longer to be comfortable around guys without a fear psychosis developing. As in, I had no experience of good males in my family and because of my strictness with myself really did not even make male friends, so for me the male sex was either bad or unknown.

    To wrap this up, suffice it to say that after many years of working on my inner issues by Allah’s grace, and also with the practical help of Allah azza wajal (moving me out of that society, giving me a good community etc.) I’ve begun to realize no I am not homosexual, rather I have a healthy attraction to men. But this is only in the past few years as I’ve been healing more and more and to be honest very much it helped to have my father resume his prayers and come back to being a ‘normal’ father figure.

    I wanted to share my experience, in the hopes it will open hearts to Rahma…I did volunteer work with sexually abused kids -the deamons they have inside… Allah help them! words fail me…you cannot understand unless you have gone through it. I think these things play great parts in to our later sexuality. But it is interesting to me as a scientist, seeing how I have changed. That I’ve gone from not being comfortable or remotely attracted to men (I had zero respect for the male species unfortunately) mashaallah I’ve come to a stage where I can even find them attractive and the thought of a man does not fill me with fear.

    So my point is that one’s sexual tendencies can come about due to experience instead of just being ‘born with it’. It is a great struggle to keep away from forbidden acts. And in this regard I am glad Islam has clear bounderies, else I think there would be a lot of gay marriages…coz its easy It’s harder to fight one’s deamons. Allah help us all. Even I may have even gone down that road, auzubillah. Allah knows my heart and none of you do, so please don’t judge as being judgemental can hurt one’s iman. I am only being honest thinking of my past. There is a wisdom in bounderies.

    I do not know how this plays in to a truly inherent ‘congenital’ homosexuality… I honestly wonder about that, whether it is real. The science says we have both male and female hormones when we are infants..but usually one type wins out. And my personal hypothesis is that environment plays a great part in which wins out. Even things such as upbringing and what is moulded if you will in the infant/toddler.

    WaAllahu a’alam, wahuwa hasbuna wa niamal wakeel!
    -And Allah knows best, He suffices us and is the best Trustee

    Thank you for reading and peace to all

  46. HM says:

    Salam. Beautifuly well said. I wholeheartedly agree with you and understand everything you said.

  47. HM says:

    I shall say one more thing.

    Many people seem to object to homosexuals (those having same-sex attractions, NOT committing sodomy) for talking about this issue, because it’s something to be ashamed of. I shall put aside the fact, as far as I know, that nowhere in primary sources of Islam (Qor’an and Sahih hadith) is mentioned, or even implied (from a certain perspective) that having same-sex attractions (SSA) is a sin, a disease, wrong or similar. However, those people forget that Mohammad, peace be upon him, wasn’t ashamed to even talk about sex itself, and what things should husband and wife do and what they shouldn’t do when they have sexual intercourse.

    These people say something like “It’s not to be talked about with others. You should pray to Allah, and seek His help”. And what should that supposed to do? Will Allah send one of his angels (melek) to “clean” the soul of the “diseased” one? Yet people forget that, in the time of Mohammad, peace be upon him, people came to him asking about whatever they had a problem with, seeking counsel and aid. Seeking answers to the questions they had. How else should they know anything if they hadn’t asked?

    Yes, Allah is the one that changes anything He wants. But also, He is the one that set up the natural laws by which He (mainly) conducts such acts. And, the majority of His help is received via other people and things, either through counsel and answers, or directly through physical acts of assistance.

    The irony is even greater.

    Suppose that homosexuality (same-sex attractions) is an organic disease. Then, there must be a cure for such thing. If there is a cure, then someone somewhere must have it. Allah? Of course, but what use of Him having a cure if He keeps it for himself? Then a person, or a thing must be a medium by which Allah would give His cure. And how would someone acquire that cure if not seeking that person or a thing? A doctor would want to know what it is that his patient is afflicted with, so he can prescribe him a medicine by which, with Allah’s help, would a person be cured. So, a diseased one would have to say to doctor what it is he sufferes from, not hiding it for himself as that would be of no use to the afflicted.

    Suppose that, on the other hand, homosexuality isn’t an organic disease, but is a disease of the “heart”, just like, for example, being envious is. First, for that to be considered a disease of heart, there has to be a valid argument somewhere in the primary sources of Islam. Second, when it is confirmed that it is a disease, a cure must be present, for Allah created not a disease without a cure. And where that cure lies? In the mind of the diseased? In praying to Allah? The latter might be of use, but natural laws weren’t created by Allah so that He would break them every now and then. So, then a person goes to “doctor for diseases of the heart”. And how, is my greatest question to all, would a “doctor for diseases of the heart” know that a person is even ill, if the person successfully hides his illnes (no symptoms shown), and talks not about them? How would a “doctor for diseases of the heart” be of any use to the “diseased” one, if he knows not even what it is about?

    Mohammad, peace be upon him, has, to my knowledge, said that an ill person is obliged to seek a doctor (not excluding “doctor for diseases of the heart”), and that with that doctor’s assistence, Allah’s help and the ill person’s faith in Allah’s help, will the illnes be cured.

    We should not forget that Mohammad, peace be upon him, was also a “doctor” of a sort. It is him through which Allah has said what is and what isn’t a disease. It is him to whom people complained about a variety of things. It is him to whom people went when they needed advice about something, not Allah, as Allah would most likely not respond to them. Because, if Allah would respond to every query, then prophets would be of no use, it is my opinion. It is Mohammad, peace be upon him, to whom people talked about their private things (numerous examples can be found), seeking counsel and aid. And Allah is the only one who can help, but a measure of His help is indirect, that is, it’s given via people (for example doctors), and/or via things (for example medicines). I find it to be foolish to expect from Allah to always be of direct use. Allah sees everyone’s efforts, and gives His rewards accordingly. Simply praying for an illness to go away is a wasted effort, to my knowledge.

    So then, homosexuals, if we should called them diseased, aren’t allowed to talk to a potential doctor about their illness? They should pray to Allah to remove their illness? And what if Allah, if we should consider homosexuality an illness, doesn’t want to eliminate such illness directly because he prescribed a cure for it, and thus gives His help via that cure? What then? And why, perhaps a bit off-topic, has Sufism occured, and their Sheks are considered “doctors for disease of the heart” (to my knowledge), if all that is required is a bit of reading of Qor’an and faith in Allah’s help, for one to overcome any obstacle. Because, as far as I know, for the same reason Prophets, peace be upon them all, have been sent: a man or a woman alone too often are far too weak, and have far too little knowledge, to possibly even be able to understand what it is exactly they have a problem with, not to mention how to solve the problem.

    Those are, in my opinion, reasons why it is a complete error to cast aside talk about homosexuality, whether one considers it to be a disease or not. It is an issue, an issue many people have. And a majority of those people, to my knowledge, have either too little information or incomplete information about it. Either the knowledgeable in Qor’an and hadith will finally devote their resources to serious research about this issue, or they’ll face the grave consequences of their ignorance, and perhaps even arrogance, is my opinion. And I hope that Allah will give strenght to those seeking truth in His name, to properly tackle this issue and be done with the misconceptions surrounding it.

    With all this said, I shall only state that I consider same-sex attractions to be normal, not an illness or sin, or anything similar, while committing sodomy (sexual intercourse) I know to be a sin.

    Salam.

    • Gibran says:

      Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      “With all this said, I shall only state that I consider same-sex attractions to be normal, not an illness or sin, or anything similar, while committing sodomy (sexual intercourse) I know to be a sin.”

      That is the first step. I think this leads to “Daddy if these feelings are normal why does God punish us for acting upon them. Daddy if Nabi sallahyalayyhiwasalam will intercede for every Muslim..and we are all sinners, why not just support gay rights? Isn’t Islam about love, care and compassion.?”

      • HM says:

        Alaikumu-salam…

        Whether something, from a person’s pespective, is viewd as “normal” or not, is not the same as being allowed or disallowed. Many things could be called normal, but it means not that other things, directly or indirectly related to that thing, can also be called normal.

        But, personally, I dislike the word “normal” and would be happy to see it being less used. It is “normal” for a man to have sexual intercourse with a woman, generaly speaking. But, exceptions of this “rule”, to call it that way, are numerous. Aside from it being considered forbidden, as far as I know, for a man and a woman to have sexual intercourse unless they’re married (and in that other case of a woman being in the “possession” of the man, for a lack of a better word at the moment), it could also be stated, from a certain point of view, that a sexual intercourse between two close relatives, for example a brother and a sister (that is, committing incest), is neither normal nor natural.

        So, perhaps someone has some feelings towards a close relative, and those feelings are heterosexual in nature, but that makes them not an excuse nor a reason, or justification to act illegitimate, according to Islam. Furthermore, there have been documented cases in the history (I think Egyptian pharaos), who had their sisters as spouses. That means having sexual intercourse between them had to be considered normal.

        This is the reason why I think is crucial to separate the word “normal” from “(dis)allowed”. Various cultures can consider something normal or not, but Islamic law needs to be above such things. Whether something is normal or not, from a human mind’s perspective, is not a reason why something is forbidden or not, as far as I know.

        As far as the “issue” with a child and a daddy goes, the daddy needs to be educated enough to explain these things, and make a clear distinction between what is thought to be normal and what is forbidden in Islam. Or are people afraid of truth? While I said that I consider homosexuality (in terms of same-sex attractions) normal, I might be wrong; that’s why I say “I consider”, not “I know”. But, my “considering” is based upon some knowledge which I’ve obtained over the years. And what knowledge, what evidence or facts do those people who claim that same-sex attractions are an illness, or a disorder, or anything similar, have? Do they claim it based upon Islamic teachings? If so, and such a thing is very risky, then they should clearly show their evidence, in support of their position, and not simply dismiss the whole issue claiming it to be an “agenda”. Even if it is an agenda by some people, that changes not the fact that evidence-based opinios are of some value, while opinions without evidence have no weight.

        This issue, along with possible attempts to justify erroneous doing (using emotions and thoughts to justify a sin), is far more complicated than it might seem, and an “average” person, without proper education, cannot hope to properly tackle the question and reach conclusions that have some validity. Those who would answer such a complicated question with a single word, such as “disease”, “disorder”, or multiple words even, like “a simple matter of choice”, are, to my knowledge, being ignorant at best, or being arrogant at worst. Such a stance helps nobody.

        Lastly, again regarding a “son/daughter and daddy” problem: every person is responsible for their ACTIONS, and many of them will be questioned about their ACTIONS when the time comes, but at no point one should ever consider his emotions, or thoughts, or beliefs to necessarily bear any justifications for such actions; at no point is to be considered that emotions, thoughts or even beliefs will necessarily be considered an “alibi” when the time comes for people to be saved or thrown into doom.
        The only problem, from a certain perspective, is a question like “Why has Allah forbidden that, when He didn’t forbid this?”. It would be best, I think, if people would just stop asking this question, for their own good, but people have always asked, and will continue to do so. The answer to this question, when it comes to same-sex attractions, is surely at least a difficult one to obtain, I think. But, what I can do is provide a piece of an answer. Well, not that I’ll back it with irrefutable evidence, but, to my knowledge, having sexual intercourse with a member of the same sex is potentially more dangerous in terms of acquiring certain diseases. This is regarding body. How such acts (sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex) affects the soul is another potential problem (excluding the obvious doing of a sin, which itself has the potential to drive a person away from Allah, as far as I know).

        But anyway, just one more thing. What my (personal of course) belief is (not that this belief is backed by any evidence) regarding the reasons Allah created the ability for a human to love one of the same sex, but disallowed sexual intercourse between them, is that He made certain rules, to His liking, not necessarily revealing wisdom in such rules, and commanded humans to act certain ways, so that He may see who will act the way He commanded, despite (person) possibly not liking those rules, and who will not act and will choose the percieved easy way, instead of submitting to the rules. Well, this still doesn’t answer the question of why homosexuality (in terms of same-sex attractions) is enabled by Him as a way of feeling. I’m currently at a loss to be able to concieve a better answer. Perhaps this is one of those things that will never be fully understood, though I’m aware that the word “perhaps” is of no use.

        I, however, am not of those who are bothered by questions like “Why did Allah created homosexuality, yet hasn’t allowed this or that?”, and for that I’m grateful to Him. Though, also, I can understand those who ask themselves such questions. That is why I think that this issue is important and is not to be dismissed so easily, as many people do.

      • HM says:

        One more thing…

        You say:

        “Daddy if Nabi sallahyalayyhiwasalam will intercede for every Muslim..and we are all sinners, why not just support gay rights? Isn’t Islam about love, care and compassion.?”

        It is correct, to my knowledge, that Mohammad, peace be upon him, will intercede for every Muslim, but… who, of around 7 billion people of the world at the moment, can claim that they will die as a believer, a Muslim? Can I, you, or anyone else in the world say that we will die as believers? To my knowledge, no – none can claim to have the knowledge of how someone will end their life – as a believer or as a nonbeliever.

        Also, my second answer is perhaps too lengthy, so I’ll try to convey my thoughts on this issue, with regards to your post, with more brevity…

        You say:

        “That is the first step.”

        Of what exactly? Of path of doom? Or of path of understanding and properly tackling the issue so many of people (including Muslims) have been facing, for far too long, in my opinion? Should a Muslim, or anyone else, be afraid of truth, whatever that truth is? And if we steer clear of trying to obtain truth, then it is only right for us to suffer even greater consequences of such stance, is my opinion. Either every single person on the world will seek truth, or those who would spread lies will gain dominance, is my opinion.

        You say:

        “I think this leads to /snip/”

        Just as you think something, so do I, and every other creature capable of thinking. But that makes not either mine, or yours opinion of the matter the correct one. But, what, in my opinion (and again, in my opinion), needs to be done in order to differentiate our opinions about a particular matter, is knowledge. And knowledge about something can be obtained in various ways. That includes genuine, unbiased research into the subject, for the sake of truth. No, actually not merely for the sake of the truth (though that might suffice as well), but because knowledge of the truth gives the one who has it the ability to properly act – and properly doing something, like helping (that is, being a medium by which Allah would help someone, or something), can be invaluable, is all my opinion.

        What one should strive for, I think, is to have an opinion BACKED BY EVIDENCE, not an opinion which isn’t even his/hers, but is merely something one blindly accepts from others. Matters of faith, of course, are to be, to my knowledge, without exception, accepted as Allah and his Prophets, peace be upon them all, said so. But what about those things, and as time progresses there are more of those things, which haven’t been explicitly, or implicitly explained, yet they can be? Should one forget about it just because it’s a complicated matter, which requires a lot of effort to even make small progress? My answer is that no, one should not allow himself/herself to dismiss an issue. And once more, as somewhere in these comments I’ve stated, a valid opinion is the one backed by evidence; this is my stance, perhaps wrong, but also not mine alone.

        You say:

        ““Daddy if these feelings are normal why does God punish us for acting upon them.”

        Feelings are one thing. One can, to my knowledge, love, hate, detest, be angry, and not commit a sin. Actions are another thing, both separate and related to emotions and thoughts, and even urges; one can, to my knowledge, be angry and commit a sin (numerous examples, including unlawful murder) – will the one committing a murder justify his action as a result of “normal, natural feeling which naturally leads to committing the act of murder”? – of course not.

        Once more, feelings (emotions), thoughts, and urges can, but DON’T HAVE TO, lead to actions, whether sinful or not.

        You say:

        “Isn’t Islam about love, care and compassion.?”

        Allah created not a reasonable entity without obligations. Parents, to my knowledge, have certain obligations too. It is their obligation, as far as I know, to properly educate and discipline their offspring. To be able to fulfill such a task, they need to educate themselves first, just as Allah, in sura AL-ALAQ says:

        “Read in the name of your Lord Who created.”, and
        “Read and your Lord is Most Honorable,
        Who taught (to write) with the pen
        Taught man what he knew not.”

        And when they sufficiently educate themselves, then they can say, to my knowledge, that, yes, Islam is about love, care and compassion, but it is also so much more, and for every single thing a person does, whether allowed or disallowed, could be asked when the time comes. And the parents will be capable of saying that each person, when the time comes, will receive a book of his/hers DEEDS, NOT emotions, urges and thoughts, as far as I know.

        But, there is far too much to be said of this immensely important issue, as I consider it to be, to give answers in few comment posts.

        May Allah helps those who believe in Him, and are in need of His help (and who isn’t in such a need?) to, if nothing else, be patient and restrain themselves from doing what is forbidden, whether the reasons why those things are forbidden are either clear as a day, obscure,completely unknown, or something in between.

  48. Azeem says:

    In Germany they are debating Rights for Zoophiles i.e. legalizing sex with animals. Europe is always a step ahead, as North America becomes more like Europe, they take it a step further..

  49. Farah says:

    Salam Aleykoum brother, thank you for writing this article. Your article along with the comment from “Your brother” really made me think differently about gay Muslims. I’m a convert and since the past 7 yrs of being Muslim I’ve rarely heard this kind of issue. I find Muslims can be really harsh with one another. This made me remember one time I was in a mosque chatting with a really nice woman. We were talking about life and eventually got to the topic of relationships. She asked if I was married, and I said yes. Then I asked her if she had a partner. She said “yes…” I just said “cool.” Then she said “She is a woman” and I just said “k”. It seemed very ordinary, the way she said it. But then she just burst out crying. So I hugged her and she just cried and cried on my shoulder. She seemed to have just been holding in all these tears for so long.Then she wiped her tears and said, “You don’t know what you have just done for me”. We prayed salat and I never saw her again. I think now I understand better the burden that was on her shoulders. She must have felt really alone. Anyways thank you for helping me to understand better. May Allah forgive me and bless u. all Amin.

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