Will They Say Yes?


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Glimpses of Marital Bliss: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV Part V Part VI

Some of us may fear something that sets us apart from others may be the reason they would not consider us for marriage. This story shows us that what makes us truly unique is the characteristic which can draw someone to love us.

“After converting to Islam in my formative years of college I always had one frequent du`a’ (prayer) I would make; a du`a’ to be blessed with a righteous wife. Whether it was hearing marriage completes half your deen (way of life) or constantly being pressured by media and temptations to engage in a relationship; or possibly a combination of factors. Regardless, I knew one thing and that was that I had a deep desire to find a spouse who would be my companion in this life and, God willing, assist me in making it to heaven in the next life.

I constantly spent my nights making du`a’ to be blessed with a righteous wife. However, during the days I would continuously be told and hear about horror stories revolving around Muslim matrimony. There were two main themes to these horror stories:

  1. A family from one culture would not accept a potential suitor from a different culture.
  2. There are absurd and superficial expectations to be met. The man must be a doctor or engineer, his salary must be a certain amount of money, he must be older than the woman, he must provide a mahr (dowry) worth X amount of dollars etc.

Despite these horror stories I kept hoping and praying that I would be blessed with a righteous wife. Then one day, sorry to sound cliché, I saw my dream woman; this woman in my community, who, due to her condition, uses a wheelchair to get around, entered into a contest to win an accessible van. My heart inclined towards this woman. As I read about her on her contest page my admiration for her kept growing and growing the more I learned about her character and values. However, it seemed there were a few roadblocks on my newfound journey to love; most noticeably:

  • She is Arab and I am white
  • I was still in school with no high-paying job or desired degree
  • She is five years older than me

Even with these roadblocks ahead of me I knew in my mind I had found the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. As I obtained a job and grew closer to my graduation date I thought it was an appropriate time to ask for her hand in marriage. Therefore, I asked for her father’s contact information and to my relief she gave it to me without hesitation. I was thrilled to be granted an opportunity to ask for her hand in marriage but at the same time I felt a little uneasy about going through the allegedly daunting experience of meeting with an Arab father. I was in a glass case of emotions. However, when the day of the meeting arrived it could not have gone smoother alhamdullilah (praise be to God). Her father told me about how he has four sisters and when they got married they were just concerned about the deen. Then he began to talk with me and not once did he ask about my ethnic background, my job, my status, my educational background or young age. Masha’allah (what God wills) all this man wanted was a good Muslim husband for his daughter. Near the end of the talk I said I was appreciative that they did not judge me based on my skin color and the father’s wife looked me in the eyes and said: “This is not Islam.” Allahu Akbar (God is Great).

Alhamdullilah I have now been engaged to my dream woman for a decent amount of time and we plan to get married soon. Although we have vastly different backgrounds and personality traits we both believe it is the Qadr of Allah (the will of God) that we are soul-mates. We jokingly say we are the perfectly imperfect couple, alhamdullilah. I felt the need to share this to show any single person who may have concerns regarding the possibility of intercultural marriage that despite any differences, whether they may be cultural, ethnic, educational or age, with sincerity and good intentions if you hook up with Allah, Allah will hook you up as Maryam previously explained.”


*If you would like share sweet glimpses from your marriage with hopes of spreading awareness of positive relationships in the Muslim community, please email Maryam@SuhaibWebb.com with a short narrative. Your submission may be featured anonymously in this mini-series of Glimpses of Marital Bliss. 

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14 Comments

  1. humera says:

    AsalaamWalikum,
    This was a great read MashAllah. Very happy to hear that you have married someone for their deen and not their culture. There are many obstacles in the way of marriage and unfortunately and especially in Muslim families. I want to get married to this guy who is from India and I am also Indian living in the U.S. MashAllah he’s a great guy and a practicing Muslim, even went on Hajj with his parents few years ago. When I brought this up with my parents, instead of being appreciative, they poked at the fact that he’s not from the U.S. nor did they like his profession which happens to be in IT. Hence, my father is a doctor and my mother’s father was a doctor as well as her sister. Instead of Islamically handling this, they brought up culture and made that more important and totally ignored the ‘practicing Muslim’ part. Not sure what to do, please keep me in your duaas and thanks again for this article; made me feel a lot better.

  2. Sis says:

    This is SUCH motivational story! I am so inspired! May Allah give you mawadah and rahmah in your marriage forever!

  3. muslima says:

    May Allah swt grant you a very happy and love filled life, inshAllah, ameen.

  4. Amira says:

    So inspiring mashAllah!

  5. alkanawy says:

    “This is not Islam” the father said. I really salute his sincerity. Alhamdulillah that you are blessed with the partner of your choice

  6. Naz says:

    First off…truly inspirational story indeed. It gives us all hope, Brother may ALLAH s.w.t bless your marriage and both your lives wwith unlimited barkat, khair, happiness, love, and ultimate protection from all evil and hatm. Ameen. Sum ameen.

    Walaikum salam Sister Humera,

    Although me and the others arent qualified to give advice on this topic. I would like to share some things, because you do seem in distress and its hard to put yourself out there and ask for genuine n sincere advice n not get it.

    Bismillah, First of all, my humble advice is, I understand what you are going through. Believe me I do. But you have to first and foremost understand, that they are YOUR Parents. You have to respect them and their decision, and beyond culture and career, have you REALLY sat down and discussed why they are against this?

    If you havent then I think you should. Secondly, I’d like to add, you are EXTREMELY, SUPER, DUPER BLESSED to have parents that look out for you like that. Most parents would get their daughter married to the first guy that comes along, irregardless of anything.

    But your parents are concerned about your safety, well-being, and comfort. The reason they made the comment about how hes NOT a citizen is because many women make the mistake of marrying a man from outside the U.S. only to be trapped in a bad marriage or duped into marriage so the man can obtain a Visa. DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THAT, and the man you like may not be like that. But, it is a VERY REAL AND SERIOUS cause of concern.

    So much so that the government is a lot tighter on marriages between citizens and non-citizens. Right now you’re in love and you see this man for the good in him and his piety, your parents have ALOT more life experience and knowledge than you my dear, and I say this in the nicest way, but they are looking out for you.

    They see red-flags and issues you may not see, even if this guy isnt looking to marry for a Visa, can he provide you with the same material comfort you are used to, after you get married? It may sound superficial now, but it can be hot-button issue later on.

    Love sometimes blinds us to realities, but our parents love us unconditionally and only want the best for us and you need to take a step back and realize it. No one on earth is perfect I know, and whoever you marry wont be perfect, but we all hope and pray, whoever you marry is the right man for YOU.

    Sorry if I came off as rude, Im advising you as I would advise my sisters or my friends. My last practical bit of advice is leave it in ALLAH s.w.t hands. We think we really know a person, but the only one who truly knows what is the minds and hearts of people is ALLAH s.w.t

    Love can blind you, but marriage is forever, its a huuuuuuge decision, so please do Istikharah before you make that decision. Many women married the man they loved and realized he wasnt who he seemed to be. Dear and beloved sister, I dont want you to be in the same position. GOD FORBID!

    I hope the man you like is as good as he seems, IA! But pray Istikharah for your peace of mind and your parents. Istikharah and lots of dua, will guide you to what is best for you.

    Heres a link on Istikharah. Hope it helps. good luck n ur in my duas =) and sorry if I said anything to hurt or offend u!

    http://theislamicworkplace.com/2006/12/25/before-any-major-decision-pray-salat-ul-istikhara/

  7. Afnan says:

    This has been a wonderful read, mashallah. Really inspirational and motivational for all the brothers and sisters who are looking for a partner of life.

    Taking everything into consideration with all due respect, what do we do when situations or circumstances are out of your control? And also what is needed to be done when one is extremely timid, reserved, and doesn’t have outside interactions with any muslim opposite gender?

    I am in a very tight situation where my parents are living in separate countries due to immigration issues and that is supposedly a hindrance in me getting married. Then I live a robotic life with the same daily routine every single day. Work to home, Home to work. The men I meet at work are not muslim, so reaching out to anyone at work is out of the question.

    I am not an extrovert, so for the life of me, I cannot put myself out there online on social networking sites and try to force an interaction with a stranger.

    And then to top it all, the cultural barrier, where it has to be a muslim from my ethnic background, from being from the same country to even being from the same state within that country.

    With all these restrictions, how is one supposed to seek the opposite gender in order to get married???

  8. Anchor Keidi says:

    Masha Allaah! Such a beautiful read. Particularly heartwarming to hear of such good Muslims who look at the deen.
    May your years ahead be better than those past in sha Allah.

  9. MsDieynaba says:

    Heart-warming, mashaAllah!

  10. Kirana says:

    Thank you for sharing. It is encouraging for me to hear of good guys who choose a woman for her character and values and that it doesn’t matter if she has a trait that would normally “disqualify” her from consideration by most suitors.

  11. Kendriana says:

    Masha’Allah brother this is just so so sweet and adorable,I pray that Allah swt blesses your marriage in both worlds and gives you a healthy, beautiful, believing family!

    So happy for you two!

  12. Nura says:

    Maa Sha Allah!!!, jazaakallahu khayrr for sharing.

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