How Does One Soften Their Heart?


Originally Published August 2011

As the last ten nights of Ramadan are upon us, many of us are still in shock at the speed with which Ramadan has passed. Our goals may not yet be realized, our habits may not yet have changed, and our hearts may not yet have felt the sweetness of this beloved month. Disheartened, many of us may have already given to despair, feeling that our Ramadans have not been as fruitful as we had wished and planned. To make things more uncomfortable, we sometimes pray in mosque where the Imam or those around us begin to cry, weeping loudly when they hear verses of the Qur’an or when the Imam makes the du`a’ (supplication) during witr. Everyone else seems to be touched by this blessed month; everyone else’s hearts seem to soak in sweetness of this faith, the tears soaking their cheeks as they beg for mercy, provision, and forgiveness.

What about me? What about you? How can we, too, be of those whose hearts are softened?

Make Du`a’

I once heard a khatib (lecturer) say, “If you have approached the end of Ramadan, and you do not yet feel it in your heart, keep knocking on the door of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He). Keep knocking, keep knocking, and Allah will answer.”

Ask Allah (swt) in all of the blessed times to make du`a’ to break the hardness of your heart and allow sincerity and gratitude to gush through. Ask Him to soften your heart, to fill it with an awe-inspiring realization of Him, to exchange your bad deeds for good deeds and let your heart tremble in awe of Him as your actions show love for Him.

Sit Alone, Think about Your Sins, and Ask for Forgiveness

Take a few minutes every day to sit and say, “AstaghfirAllah (I seek forgiveness from Allah).” Every time you make this request of Allah (swt), remember something you’ve done that may have displeased Him. Remember that time you yelled at your mom when all she was trying to do was help you? Remember that time you cheated on your exam? Sit and ask Allah (swt) forgiveness for every single thing you’ve done, great, small, intentionally, unintentionally, asking Him to replace the hardness of your heart with softness and replace your sins with forgiveness and good deeds.

Allah (swt) tells us in Surat al-Furqan:

“Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful” (Qur’an, 25:70).

Ibn Kathir, in the tafsir (exegesis) of this ayah (verse), cites a hadith (tradition) in which Abu Dharr (radiAllahu `anhu – May Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (peace be upon him) said, “I know the last person who will be brought forth from Hell, and the last person who will enter Paradise. A man will be brought and it will be said, ‘Take away his major sins and ask him about his minor sins.’ So it will be said to him: ‘On such and such a day, you did such and such, and on such and such a day, you did such and such.’ He will say, ‘Yes,’ and he will not be able to deny anything. Then it will be said to him: ‘For every evil deed you now have one good merit.’ He will say: ‘O Lord, I did things that I do not see here.’” He (Abu Dharr) said: “And the Messenger of Allah ﷺ smiled so broadly that his molars could be seen.” (Muslim)

Ibn Kathir further explains, “…those evil deeds that have passed are turned into good deeds by way of the true and sincere repentance itself. This is because every time that person remembers what he had done, he regrets it, feels remorse, and seeks Allah (swt)’s forgiveness. In this way, the sin becomes an act of obedience.”

Allah (swt) is always ready for us to turn back to Him and can easily turn our bad deeds into good deeds on our scales! But how many of us are begging Him for this? To soften our hearts, be forgiven, and increase in our good deeds, let us sit and make istighfar, begging for Allah (swt)’s forgiveness and for Him to turn our bad into good.

Sit Alone, Ponder Your Blessings, and Thank Allah (swt)

Watch this and contemplate:

How many of us have been blessed with parents or others who love, mentor and care for us? We have been given trillions of blessings that so many have never tasted. How many people are ungrateful and forgetful of all they have been blessed with?

Sit and think of every blessing He has given you- the Qur’an, eyesight, clean water, literacy- the blessings are uncountable, as Allah (swt) tells us in Surah Ibrahim (14:34). Let us show gratitude, for when we are grateful, Allah (swt) increases us, “And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.’ (Qur’an, 14:7).

Let us sit, contemplate blessing after blessing, and continually move our lips in gratitude to Allah (swt), saying, “AlhamdulilLah (praise be to God),” asking Him to write us amongst those who are grateful to Him, asking Him to soften our hearts and allow us to be moved by gratitude for His Favors.

Contemplate the Qur’an

Allah (swt) poses this powerful question:

“Then do they not reflect upon the Qur’an, or are there locks upon [their] hearts? (Qur’an, 47:24)

How can we be of those whose hearts are not locked? We can make massive du`a’ that Allah (swt) opens our hearts, and we can contemplate the Qur’an. Listen to the Qur’an with a recitation which penetrates your ears and overwhelms your heart. While listening, go through the translation and work to understand the Qur’an.

When you go through the words, sit and really think about the meaning and the ways in which it applies to your life. Think about the meaning of the Qur’an and allow yourself to be captivated, head-over-heels in love with the powerful words of the Creator of the Universe- the One Who created you- the One Who revealed these words for your personal guidance. Allah chose you to be Muslim; He personally planned for you to be of those who want to come back to Him and read the Qur’an. So go back to the Qur’an, be grateful for His favor upon you and sincerely seek to understand His Words.

Give Charity

The Prophet ﷺ has told us that, “Sadaqah extinguishes sins like water extinguishes fire” (Tirmithi). The sins we commit continually build up and rust our hearts. Without polishing, this rust will take over, covering the beautiful jewel beneath it. This jewel, when polished, gleams internally and externally, becoming a means of benefit for the person whose body it houses, and spreading light to all those around, bi’ithnillah (with the permission of Allah). With charity, we can help polish our hearts. Let us give in charity, asking Allah (swt) to soften our hearts, to remove the buildup of rust, and to purify our hearts and souls, bringing us back to Him `azza wa jal (the Almighty and Majestic).

Increase our Good Deeds

Allah (swt) tells us, “Indeed the mercy of Allah is near to those who do good” (Qur’an, 7: 56). God has also told us, “Indeed, good deeds remove the evil deeds. That is a reminder for those who remember” (Qur’an, 11:114).

Allah (swt) has made our religion so adaptable that we can worship Him through anything good we do, when done sincerely and correctly. Let us constantly renew our intentions; when we take out the trash, let it be an act of worship to keep our homes tidy and to please those whom we live with. When we smile at a passerby, let it be to spread the joy of the character of the Prophet ﷺ. All the while, let us seek the mercy of Allah (swt), begging of Him to soften our hearts, while we do good for His pleasure.

Live in Paradise, Sprint Away from Hell

When you read Qur’an or standing in prayer, and you come across words indicating Paradise, such as Jannah (Paradise); Imagine it. Imagine being in Paradise, standing by a river which flows beneath you, near waterfalls, near enormous palaces. Imagine yourself in awe, in immense joy, in euphoria- when suddenly, you feel a tap on your shoulder. In that moment when you turn around, imagine who it may be. Your mother? Your father? Your spouse? Your child? Your grandparent? Your best friend? The Beloved, the Chosen, the Teacher, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ? How would you feel in that moment? How would you feel, seeing the person who meant the most to you in your life, seeing the person who may have already passed years before and whom you yearn for constantly, how would you feel coming to the realization that you are going to be here, with the people you love, forever. You will never die and you will never fear all the things which brought so much worry and difficulty to you in the dunya (world). At that moment, you’ll understand what Allah says when He describes the believers in Paradise saying,

“And they will say, ‘Praise to Allah, who has removed from us [all] sorrow. Indeed, our Lord is Forgiving and Appreciative”

“He who has settled us in the home of duration out of His bounty. There touches us not in it any fatigue, and there touches us not in it weariness [of mind].’” (Qur`an, 35:34-35)

And then, when you hear a word describing Hellfire, such as Naar (Hellfire); Imagine it. Imagine the intensity of the Hellfire; imagine the pains of being burned to the point where you have no skin and it is recreated for you, only to continue the agony; where you want to die, but will never die, where you yearn to have just a cold drink of relief, but are given a drink which boils your insides and experiencing boiling water poured upon your head. Is this the end that you want? Is this what you want for those whom you love?

Would you prefer garments of fire (22:19) or garments of silk (22:23)? When you go into sujood (prostration), beg Allah for what you want for yourself and those whom you love. Beg Him from the depths of your heart and allow your tears to pour to Him.

Have an Objective

In every salah (prayer), have an objective. Whether obligatory or extra, make the objective to come out of that prayer purer than you did when you were born. Ask Allah for `afiya - for your sins to be forgiven and wiped away, so that it is as if you never even committed them. Focus like someone who aims to be forgiven, recite Surat al-Fatiha like someone who will be forgiven, make sujood like someone who yearns with their heart and soul for their sins to be wiped away and replaced with righteous deeds. In the next prayer, make your objective Paradise. Concentrate like someone of Paradise; beg of Allah in sujood to be of the people of Paradise. In every rak`ah (unit of prayer), have a unique purpose and beg of Allah to make those desires realities.

There is still time to come back to Allah (swt) and really feel the weight of this blessed month! Allah (swt) loves when we go back to Him with sincerity and humility, carrying the burden of our sins to Him, with hopes of having them obliterated and being completely forgiven.

Let us go back to Him, asking for His forgiveness and pleasure, for Him to open our hearts and soften our limbs to His command, asking Him to replace the burden of our shortcomings with the blessing of His Mercy. Once we’ve done so, let us go back to Him, feeling light, overflowing with hope and pumped with energy to seek His pleasure through working passionately for His sake, feeling immensely optimistic that He will forgive us, reward us and answer us inshaAllah (God Willing).

Keep knocking on the door. Allah (swt), the One Who Answers, will undoubtedly answer.

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68 Comments

  1. Ahmed D. says:

    Brilliant and inspiring. Jazak’Allahi khairan.

  2. Subhana’allah .. its amazing how Allah leads u to the right article at the right time!!
    Jazakallahu Khair!
    May Allah soften our hearts and bless us so we can feel the sweetness of this month and being close to him!Ameen

  3. aruge says:

    Dear Sister,

    MasAllah a very well written article and much needed.

    Alhumduliah i have had the opportunity to read it .

    More importantly much needed.

    May Allah Rank you in high stations in Jannah.

  4. excellent and much needed article, jazakallahu khayr

  5. Good reminder.

    In addition to all these, the blessed Seerah of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)and that of his companions [رضى الله عنه] softens my heart tremendously. Every time I read how much the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)cared for us, cried for us, and every time I read the sacrifice of the noble companions for Islam, their dedication for worship, and their sincerity, I cannot but get hugely moved.

  6. Beautiful reminder. May Allah reward you.

  7. sister says:

    May Allah swt bless you for this wonderful advice and reminder.

  8. noora says:

    Dearest Sister Maryam;
    jazak allahu khairan for your article it has touched my heart with it’s eloquency. i feel like it was written especially for me, i have been feeling desperate lately but alhamdulilah i feel hopeful now as always with Allah Subhanuh there’s hope… :)

    Keep writin’em

  9. Yasmin says:

    Jazakallah Khair for this very important and much needed post!

  10. Runia says:

    Thank you for taking the time to share your knowladge. May allah reward you and accept your dua.

  11. Sabiha says:

    jazakillah khayr! this came to me a time when i needed it the most! masha’Allah, the noor of this article, definitely enlightened my heart! may Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala reward you immensely in this blessed month and multiple your deeds x infinite! ameen!

  12. Nor hamidah Hamzah says:

    syukran jazilan for your good article, may Allah bless you and all muslims

  13. Haslina says:

    Timely~

  14. Navera says:

    MA! This is a seriously incredible piece

  15. Susie says:

    May Allah (swt)count this as sadaqa jaria sister! I know I shall be urging all my friends to read it and inshaAllah you attain ever increasing reward.

    May Allah grant you, your family, and this entire Ummah a blessed Ramadan in these last remaining days.

  16. HK says:

    Aoa. Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (39:53)

  17. Yuzaidi says:

    Should be titled “Keep Knocking”. Jazakallah khairan.

  18. Fahmidah says:

    السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَ بَرَكَاتُهُ Absolutely well researched and truly spiritually inspiring,Ameen! May Allah azzawajal always Hear our knocking ‎​إن شاء الله

  19. hamida bithi says:

    Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
    Jazakallah Khair for a post that has brought tears in my eyes, thinking of the infinite blessings of Allah Sub’hanahu Wa Ta’ala & His Countless mercy upon us. I am in loss of words to say my thanks & gratitude to Allah.

    May Allah’s peace & blessings be upon our beloved Rasul. May Allah forgive us sinners, soften our hearts, guide us to siratul mustaqim, bless us, have mercy on our filthy souls, protect us from shaitan & from the evils of our own souls, save us from the trials of life & death, from the coming of dajjal, torment of grave & the fire of hell. AMEEN.

  20. zarghoona khan says:

    jazakAllah for such an inspiring reminder

  21. Bilkisu Isah says:

    اللهأكبر and ماشاءالله for this….its really beautifully writen and put together,may Allah reward you abundantly for this and may this da’awa be one of your reasons for aljannatul firdaus…

    iReally love this.ماشاءالله!!

  22. Khadijah says:

    JazakAllahkhair for this! I really needed it :)

  23. Sultana Alam says:

    JazakAllah Khair. May Allah bless you and your loved ones eternally.

  24. Irfan says:

    Well timed and very good article.

    Jazzakallahu Khairan.

  25. Rozi says:

    Subhanallah, Allah answered my dua by sending me this article…. I was hoping for something like this just yesterday. Alhamdulillah, thanks to Allah and thank you for the one who shared this beautiful piece. I shed tears reading this. May Allah bless all of you with all the goodness in life and in the Hereafter… amin.

  26. Thafseela says:

    Truly inspirational….
    Sometimes we forget about the hearafter and struggle for the worldliness..This article acts like a saddle in such cases….May Allah bless you

  27. Risikat says:

    May almighty Allah (SWT) reward you for this piece of advice U shared with us & may HE accept our ibadah.

  28. Shahrazad says:

    Mash’alLah! A magnificent piece of writing. Truly, our Sustainer(swt) stood at your shoulder while you wrote! Jazak alLah khayr.

  29. olaghobachi says:

    Jazakum Allahu Khairn..i’m really touched :”)
    May allah help us

  30. Salma says:

    Jazzakallah khair for sharing such an iman boosting article. May Allah soften the hearts of the believing sisters and brothers. Ameen

  31. Khadijah Shabazz says:

    May Allah accept your Duas, and your prayers . As well encourage the believers.

    Ramadan Mubarak …SubhanAllah!

  32. Noorki says:

    Mashaallah, u hv realy touched my heart, may the Almighty Allah bless the hands of those who posted ths and reward them with jannatul firdows. Jazakumullahu kheyr.

  33. Nasra says:

    Assalamaleykum subhanalah ths s one of tha most butiful thngs av ever read in my life.may Allah swt bless tha 1 who wrote it n tha entire muslim ummah.ameen.may Allah increase us in taqwa n forgiv us our sins n unite us in jannah.love u 4 da sake of Allah.

  34. donia says:

    Mashallaah, this is a beautiful article and has already softened my heart.

  35. naurin says:

    assalamu alikkum va rahmathullahi va barakath..i got 4 wat i had been searching a long!! Alhamdulillah…n it ws sent 2 me by d@ Almighty through u…these words r still making me 2drip tears through my eyes…dearest sis, jazakallah khair 4 spending ur precious time 4 such an awesome article which contains iman that makes others 2 realize their mistakes n repent…itz really a worthy article…i feel really proud of u n ur words which were actually the words of that Rahman…this was actually the reminder of Allah(swt)send through such a lovely girl… Insha Allah surely ur gona deserve jannathul firdous!! n ur really worthy of it…n i do really agree all the other comments…(1)who all have gone through it surely would have drept atleast a small tear…isnt it??(2)the noor of it would surely have pierced through the hardest hearts n have softened it…isnt it??
    May Allah(swt)always lead us including all the believers through sirathal musthaqeem…n finally culminate in the unimaginable world of jannathul firdous…ameen…n jazakallah khair 2 all who read all about this topic…if u all dont mind pls ans 2 my 2 qns that i hv askd…n pls pray 4 all the people, muslims, believers, n evn non-believers 2 chnge their mind…kindliest rqst 2 all of u…

  36. Amin says:

    Alhamdulillah and to the one who share this, may Allah bless him in this world and the next

  37. Aishah says:

    Jazakillahu khair sister. I really loved the write up. Thanks.

  38. Mustapha f m says:

    Am touched and ready to submit my life,body and soul 2 almighty allah.he is great

  39. Vali says:

    Alhamdulillah! Thanks for such a nice share! Ramadan Kareem!

  40. Batool says:

    Really wonderful article. It really did soften my heart and made me cry. Thanks & Jazakillah khair!

  41. Ammarah says:

    masha’Allah, what a beautiful reminder.

  42. SS says:

    السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَ بَرَكَات
    I thank Allah for such a beautiful article and I ask Allah blesses the author of this article with the highest ranks in Jannah. May Allah soften our hearts. Ameen.

  43. Mumin says:

    Jazakallahu Khairan for this wonderful inspiring content. May Allah reward you abudantly.

  44. Mumin says:

    Brother, Do you have audio of this content?

  45. Aaliya says:

    amazingly written…given at exactly the right time jazakallah X

  46. anjum says:

    jzakullah:dear sister Maryum plz write such an article which help us to maintain the changes in ourselves which are provoken in the holy month or Ramadan: i dont know about others but i am a person of weak will power or u can say i dont have much control on my NAfS:i bring chanes in my life during Ramadan;but after Ramadan i become lazy in following that routienes;plz help me:::

  47. Mohammad says:

    masha’Allah! subhan’Allah! Awesome article masha’Allah!

  48. Shadia Alzoubi says:

    Subhana’allah .. its amazing how Allah leads u to the right article at the right time!!
    Jazakallahu Khair!

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