Grieving a Loss: Will I Ever Get Over It?


Originally posted in September 2011

I woke up to a text message from a friend.

“I’m really sorry for texting you early on a weekend, but I need to ask you. How can you forget someone who caused a tragedy in your life? I’ve done many things to forget him, but until today I can’t seem to do so. And it is really bothering me. If you can please try to send me some ways that I can try to follow, maybe it will work.”

I smiled, but my heart ached for her. I wished it was that simple. Layla’s marriage had recently ended, and she was struggling to adjust to the new loss in her life.

We will all experience losses in our lives. A loved one may pass away. A relationship may end. We may lose a job or be diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Thus is life. God tells us:

“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.” (Qur’an, 2:155)

Grief can be one of the most intense emotions we experience. Researchers have developed many theories about grief to help us make sense of the complex but normal process that is part of our human experience.

Mourning is how we heal through the grief. According to Worden (1991), this process involves a series of four tasks. In order to come to a sense of closure about our loss, in other words- in order to heal, we must:

  1. Accept the reality of the loss,
  2. Work through the pain of grief,
  3. Adjust to the new environment, and
  4. Emotionally relocate the “loss” and move on with life.

But perhaps the most famous theory is the 5 Stages of Grief by Kubler-Ross. She describes five stages people go through when coping with a loss or personal tragedy.

1. Denial: “I can’t believe this is happening!”

Initially, we may react with shock and denial. It is our first defense to help us make sense of the situation and deal with the first wave of pain. We slowly let in as much reality as we can handle.

2. Anger: “Why did our marriage have to end? It’s his fault!”

We begin to feel angry, and may direct our anger at ourselves, others, or life in general. Underneath our anger is intense pain.

3. Bargaining: “What if I had changed my ways? Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten sick.”

Our normal reaction to helplessness is a need to regain control. We may think in “what if” or “if only” statements. If only I had sought treatment earlier. If only we had gone to marriage counseling. We may feel guilt and try to negotiate our way out of the pain.

4. Depression: “What’s the point? I’m so sad; I don’t even want to do anything.”

We become disconnected from life around us. We may feel deep sadness, emptiness, and withdraw from others. We may wonder if life is worth living anymore.

5. Acceptance: “I’m content and hopeful about the future.”

In time, we learn to live with a different reality. We reach out to others and begin living again. We acknowledge our feelings, come to terms with our loss, and find acceptance.

Grief does not happen in a linear fashion, as in the order described above. It is important to think about the five steps as “fluid phases” since our experiences don’t fit neatly into boxed stages. We will often experience a roller coaster of emotions—moving continuously between phases that may last a few minutes, hours, days, or even months. We should be prepared for occasional relapses in the future, even after we think we’ve moved beyond the pain.

For example, after some time, we can again be struck by the reality that the loss has actually happened, or we may find ourselves angry again. Sometimes, a simple memory, a smell, an anniversary, can evoke intense emotions, and we feel sad all over again. Even the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) teared up when he came across the jewelry of his first wife Khadijah radi allahu `anha (may God be pleased with her), and this was many years after her death!  This is normal, and part of the long arduous journey of grief work.

There is also no completion date for grief. There will be some good days and many bad days. If we’ve been wronged, it may be difficult to forgive. We must allow ourselves to grieve at our own individual pace. Whatever grief blueprint we may refer to, they are only maps to help us track our healing.

Remember, grief is a very personal process that will be different for each person. Knowledge about the grief process can help us navigate this journey, but each person’s journey will involve different routes, traveling speeds, and tools.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to honor our emotions instead of resisting them. It’s important to surround ourselves with others who can comfort us and help us move forward. We can engage in various coping methods such as:

  • Talking to family and friends
  • Connecting with God through prayer, reading the Qur’an, dhikr (remembrance of God)
  • Exercising
  • Eating healthy food
  • Engaging in social and community activities
  • Seeking counseling
  • Discovering new hobbies or returning to old ones

Finally, we must also remember that all things (good and bad) come from God.  In His wisdom, He tells us:

“[…] perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you.  And Allah knows, while you know not.” (Qur’an, 2:216)

God always has greater plans for us, even if we may not understand His decree.  Loss is just an essential part of the experience we call life, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy process.  Learning to adjust to a changed life, while focusing on the future, will help us to move on God-willing.

Helpful Du`a’ (Supplications) for Grief and Distress

اللَّهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إِلاَّ ما جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلاً، وأنْتَ تَجْعَلُ الحَزْنَ إذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلاً

Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja-`altahu sahla wa anta taj`alu al hazana etha shi’ta sahla.

O Allah! Nothing is easy except what You have made easy. If You wish, You can make the difficult easy.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَ الْحَزَنِ وَ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ العَجْزِ وَ الْكَسَلِ

وَ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْجُبْنِ وَ الْبُخْلِ وَ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ غَلَبَةِ الدَّيْنِ و قَهْرِ الرجال

Allahumma inni a`oodhoo bika minal-hammi-walhazan. Wa a`oodhoo bika minal-a’jzi-wal-kasal. Wa a`oodhoo bika minal jubni wal bukhl. Wa a`oodhoo bika min ghalabatid-dayni-waqahrir rijal.

Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from worry and grief, from helplessness and laziness, from cowardice and stinginess, and from overpowering of debt and from oppression of men.

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أرْجُو فَلا تَكِلْنِي إلى نَفْسي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ، وأصْلِحْ لي شَأنِي كُلَّهُ، لا إِلهَ إِلاَّ أنْتَ

Allahumma rahmataka arjoo falaa takilnee ilaa nafsee tarfata `aynin wa aslih-lee sha`nee kullahu, laa ilaha illa anta.

O Allah! It is Your mercy that I hope for so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You.

اللَّهُمَّ إني عبدك ابن عبدك ابن امتك ناصيتى بيدك ماضٍ فيِّ حكمك عدلٌ فيِّ قضاؤك أسألك بكل اسم هو لك سميت به نفسك أو أنزلته في كتابك أو علمته أحد من خلقك أو استأثرت به في علم الغيب عندك أن تجعل القرآن ربيع قلبي ، ونور صدري ،  وجلاء حُزني ، وذهاب همِّي

Allaahumma inni `abduka wa ibn `abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadaa`uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw `allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw asta’tharta bihi fi `ilmi al-ghaybi `indaka an taj`al al-Qur’aana rabee’a qalbi wa noor sadri wa jilaa’a huzni wa dhihaaba hammi.

‘O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is ever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or which you revealed in Your Book, or which You taught to any of Your creation, or which You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’an the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety.

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45 Comments

  1. AK says:

    “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  2. Noor says:

    That was just amazing! At a time I needed it! May Allah swt grant us patience with every test, big and small, He throws our way!!!

  3. Yasmin says:

    Jazakallah khair for this beautiful and helpful post! Inshallah this post will be of a great benefit to any of your readers who may be experiencing grief.

  4. 333 says:

    can someone post the version for females of the last du’a?

  5. N. says:

    Jazakum Allahu khairan. This is also very important information for those who interact with people who are grieving. Let the person go through the non-linear process and be a companion — don’t have to rush, fix, judge, play amateur psychiatrist, etc. Being around someone who is grieving can sometimes can bring up one’s own emotions that one hasn’t dealt with, so check it out.

  6. Reehab says:

    This is beautiful and very needed. Jazakillahu Khaira :)

  7. Anonymous says:

    Jazakallahkhair for the article.
    This website always brightens my day. :)

    Alhamdulillah, I haven’t lost anyone in my life, but…I need help with something.
    I’ve been depressed and cutting myself for over a year. I’ve tried stopping multiple times, but each time has led to a relapse.
    My parents found out, got overly concerned, and started saying things that made me feel worse, such as how I was never going to go anywhere in life, never going to find love, etc. I understand they were trying to help me break out of it…but it made things so much worse.

    Now, I don’t know who to turn to.
    I’m not close enough to anyone to tell.
    My iman is getting exponentially weaker, and I feel like I’m dooming myself.
    There are days when I just want to end it all because I feel like such a burden in everyones’ lives.

    I’m sorry if my comment is off topic and melodramatic.
    I just…wanted to try getting help before I did something stupid.
    And literally don’t know who else to turn to. :(

    Wasalam.

    • AB says:

      Sallaamz,

      Don’t give up. IA things will turn around. Just be patient. Don’t give up. Think of all the blessing Allah has given you. Don’t worry about other things like marriage right now. Give yourself priority. Figure out what’s depressing you first and see if you can work on how to make it better. Start with strengthening your iman

      • AB says:

        I’m sure there are people who are more knowledgeable in helping but I didn’t want you feel like you were alone. Everyone has their problems and everyone needs help from time to time so don’t feel alone. IA you will the guidance and help you need. Your life is precious so please keep it safe. IA I hope you feel better.

        Your sister in Islam

    • Khadija says:

      Anonymous. I’ve had many such moments in life… though I never cut myself… because by doing that, I’d be making myself ugly.. n I am too beauty conscious to do that.:P

      That apart, if someone wronged me then, I would be silly punishing myself.. Rather why not punish them, by making yourself the most spiritually and physically beautiful person, you can be. When you are kind, sincere, forgiving, have good general knowledge, a sense of humor..People will like you. And trust me no amount of physical beauty can replace a beautiful soul. And people know that, and they know while even the most physically beautiful people grow old and develop wrinkles, the age of the soul is in your hands. When everyone likes you, whoever has wronged you will feel a sense of regret (if they have any shred of decency that is). As everyone knows its truly hard to find a gem of a person.

      But WORK on yourself work real hard. Increase your knowledge in every subject. So you can talk to anyone about anything. Keep a friendly disposition.

      As Hazrat Ali RA, beautifully put it:
      “Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.”

      Try to help people, when you see someone sad or in need, that will make you feel much better, and happier rather than becoming the person in need. There is a beautiful hadith I will share here:

      Abu Huraira Radhiallahu ‘anhu narrated that the Prophet Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa Salam. Said, ‘if Allah loves a person, He calls Jibrael (Gabriel) saying,’Allah loves so and so; O Jibrael (Gabriel) love him.’ And make an announcement amongst the inhabitants of the heaven:

      “ Allah loves so and so therefore you should love him also, and so all the inhabitans of the heaven would love him, and then he is granted the pleasures of the people on the earth.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.

      So become that person who Allah swt loves and the people love. Turn wholly and solely to Allah swt. Say salah with all your heart, read the Quran, do Zikr. And keep doing it till you get that feeling of peace. That is the true blessing. If life hands you lemon, dont turn sour. Remember if bad times come then, so do good times. Nothing is forever, except the face of thy Lord Most Glorious so turn to Him. some people have even more difficult lives, I know two 28 year old who were just discovered with cancer, one has a little child. And one had just got married. there are so many more people, everyone has problems. look at such people and learn to live. And be grateful to allah swt for whatever He has given you. Each blessing counts. you hearing your sight, your feet, your hands, what if Allah swt had deprived u of those, like He deprives some of those???

      With this I leave you with a verse from Surah Al-Imran:

      “If a wound hath touched you, be sure a similar wound hath touched the others. Such days (of varying fortunes) We give to men and men by turns: that Allah may know those that believe…”

      p.s. : Please don’t entertain thoughts that the devil puts in you. He is an enemy to you. turn to Allah swt.As the author of this post mentioned, nothing is easy except what Allah makes easy. Know that Allah loves you, that is why He showed you the way to this site. so you may be helped by all the other wonderful articles on this site. They helped me too.. May Allah swt be with you always. Salam.

      • HD says:

        “Rather why not punish them, by making yourself
        the most spiritually and physically beautiful person, you can be…”

        Wow thats really deep!

    • scots says:

      asallam alaykom bro/sis…

      Not sure where you are from, and am sorry to know that you don’t know who to turn to. No one should be isolated like that and am sure It’s not easy for you. However, it maybe a good idea that you go speak to your GP. Everything you tell him/her will be completely confidential and not be disclosed to your family. Sometimes family/people just don’t have the right words to say, they can’t empathise because they havn’t experienced what your experiecing just now, but your GP will have came across many folk that have experienced similar distress as yourself and will be there to offer support. Don’t feel you have to do this yourself. You deserve all the good in life so inshallah please visit GP,there are people willing to help and support you.

    • peacerose says:

      Assaalaamu alaikum,
      You are not alone and the cutting is not your fault. But you must go and get two forms of help immediately. Firstly go to your local mosque and find out someone who can do Ruqyah for you. Ruqyah is a medicine of the Prophet SAW and will help you tackle the root cause of your issue. Ask for the best person one who is experienced. If you cant find anyone get back to me and I will find someone for you. At the same time you must go to your doctor and get some emergency counselling. This will help you come to terms why you feel negative about yourself. Lastly something that you can do immediately, is to put a cd of Surah Bakra on all the time wherever you are and what ever you are doing, so if you are on your own you must always be listening to it. Download it on an MP3 player and listen to it all the time as this is shifaa. If you can read it that is better, and when reading it then blow over a bottle of water and drink it …there is a tremendous amount of healing in this.
      Dont give up you are not alone and I will make dua for you ….ws.

    • Assalamualaikum,

      I think I know exactly how you feel..

      All I want you to know.. is that you are NOT alone, dont ever tell yourself that, Rememeber you have Allah, and believe me.. its only Him our soul needs!

      Whenever you are down, cry and ask Allah for help. Expecting help from ANYONE else in this world is not worth it! Its ONLY Allah who knows each and every tiny bit what you are going through and its ONLY Him who can help you out of it! So seek help in patience and in prayer! .. The shaytan is trying to make use of ur helplessness .. fight him and tell him that you are NOT alone.. you have your Almighty who’s help is going to come VERY soon! .. Be patient! Make loads of dua when there’s something that hurts you! Ask Allah to pull u out of this dungeon and help you find peace! This is the time when ur dua will definitely be accepted! So ask Allah to make things easy for you! Insha’allah everything will be fine!! Dont worry, You are never alone, Allah is always there with you, all you have to do is take a step towards him, ask for forgiveness, and he’ll come running to you!

      We all are gona pray for you, Insha’allah! May Allah make things easy for you. Ameen! Do let us know how things go about!

      Read/listen to Quran it will help your heart find peace!

      P.S.Here’s a nasheed too that really lifts my spirits up when I feel alone.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5rLtzREvT8&feature=related

    • seef says:

      When dealing with issues regarding personal conflicts or oppressive personalities, I find it helpful to remember the notion of equality in Islam, and then apply it to the friend and the parent/child relationships, because that is a strong source of inner conflict, when we feel the weight of pushy people in our lives. Allah created us all, and we all equally have the right to know HIm, to worship Him, and to get our rights and fulfil our obligations in this worldly life. For example, I have as much right as anyone else to be happy, to feel fulfilled, to enjoy things, to work hard, to earn, and to practice my religion, to engage in personal sacrifices to learn more about the gift of giving, and to seek out ‘my people’, those who feed my spirit. No one on earth has more of a right to those things than I do, that’s because I have a direct relationship with my Creator.
      The whole concept of self, identity and behavior can sometimes get messed up by the noise from other people. It is important to honor and respect your parents and to be nice to your friends, but it more important to remember that Alllah has given you your life and your spirit, and that you are far too valuable for anyone to make you feel like you are less than them. You are a soldier from God- unleash your inner warrior and do battle with those who try to make themselves feel better at your expense! Once you have found your strong moral core, only then can you teach yourself humility, to hold your massive ego in check. Otherwise, you’re probably being oppressed by other(s), and Allah hates oppression.
      Allah states in the Quran that He has made every generation before us struggle, and that we are meant to struggle. But do not confuse struggling with suffering, because Allah says He has made the earth very expansive so that we can travel to escape living under oppression.
      Just make an everyday promise to be yourself, only better than yesterday. There is nothing wrong with the way Allah made you, but you have to work constantly to do what He created you to do.

  8. Stefani says:

    Jazakallahu khayr! My best friend, my mother, died last year and my husband has been pressuring me to “get over it”. Mom mother lived with us in her last couple of years and I haven’t been able to move all of her personal things out of the bedroom. It’s hard for me because I miss her soooooooo much. Everytime I think I am ready to pack everything up, I have to get a lecture from him about how Islamicly our grieving is only 3 days. This makes me angry and resentful. My mother was so good to him and she was more caring to him than his own mother. How do I deal with this?

    • anonymous says:

      Assalam Alekum Stefani,

      I am sorry to hear your husband is so heartless. Please read this helpful article titled “Losing a Loved One”, and have him read this too. May Allah (swt) grant you peace, and your husband patience.

      Wasalam.

    • seef says:

      The death of your mother is not something you are supposed to ‘get over’, like not being class president, or missing a flight. The love from your mother is something that is supposed to remain with you your entire life. Rasulallah mentioned, in no uncertain terms, the loss that one suffers when one is no longer able to serve one’s mother. It is important to distinguish between grief and love. Your grief over your mother’s loss takes time to deal with, but the love for your mother does not end with her passing, and that is why you will never get over it. It is as real as it was when she was with you. And your mother’s things are now your things, and your husband has to respect your property and you both have to respect each others’ space. Allah, in His infinite mercy, did not give you the ability to feel such a strong connection with your mother for no reason. Continue to honor her memory and to pray for her. And tell your husband to familiarize himself with the concept of everyday mercy.

    • Imaan says:

      Dearest Sister, I understand that losing any parent, especially one with whom we have a strong connection with is both painful and shocking to our system. SubhanAllah we see outrparents as such heroes and we attach ourselves to their wisdom and comfort, therefore when we they are gone it is part of our fitrah to feel a great sense of loss. However it also provides us with the opportunity to remember our purpose in this life and how short our time is in the dunya. Then we recognise the relationship with our parents is a mercy from Allah and that it’s the only constant one we will have so we should strive to strengthen it inshAllah.

      It is from the haq of your husband to remind you the grieving period in Islam is only a few days; as your husband it is his duty to encourage you in the good and remind you of what the deen asks of you; this does not neccessarily mean that he is unappreciative orlf your mother (may Allah have mercy on her) nor does it mean he doesn’t love her. Rather use his ability to come to terms with the death of your mother as an example for you, try praying salah together and make dua for her together because indeed the dua f a child for there deceased parents will be answered and it may be a means for you to come closer together. Wa Allahu alam. I hope you find this of benefit inshAllah.
      Please note that any error or offence you find my reply is from my human weakness so please forgive me inshAllah.

  9. AB says:

    I’m sure there are people who are more knowledgeable in helping but I didn’t want you feel like you were alone. Everyone has their problems and everyone needs help from time to time so don’t feel alone. IA you will the guidance and help you need. Your life is precious so please keep it safe. IA I hope you feel better.

    Your sister in Islam.

  10. Khadija says:

    Beautiful post very well written.. JazakAllah for writing it..

  11. Ameenah says:

    Jazakumul’Allahu kairan, I really appreciate your words.

  12. muslimahhk says:

    @ anoy

    pls dont hurt yourself cos Allah (swt) loves you and He wants to see you in paradise that’s why He gave you Islam. so ceerish it, learn it implement it and teach it to others. pls dont reject His Love by killing yourself, but rather just say Sorry to Him for all the wrong that you done to yourself and He will forgive you, and then just press RESTART button in your life. your Lord will be sooooooooo happy with you and He will Gloy be to Him will forgive you and will Love you a lot more. so just try to please Him and whenever you fall just get up and have the courage to say sorry and RESTART.

    • peacerose says:

      Sometimes people are not in control of what harm they do to themsleves and it is therefore not appropriate to assume that they can just press a restart button. It will take time for the person to heal.. with the correct support and healing.

  13. muslimahhk says:

    salaam @ stfani

    awwww sweety, I feel sorry for you. May Allah grant your mother highest place in Al-Jannah. May Allah (swt) greant you and husband patience upon the loose of your mother.

    it is not that it doesn’t grieve him but it just how men are from Mecca and women from Madina, i am sure your husband feels sad too but he is right about it that both of you have to get on with life. coz other life is made up of many things !!!!!

    just make dua for your mom and give charity n do hajj ect for your mom :)

  14. Broken says:

    Jzk..came across this just when i needed it..one of the sad reality of life is losing those you love :(

    In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

  15. AssalamoAlaikum,

    I lost my son in February and this hits home. May I use this for my website? Of course i would put link and link with the subject matter.

    Thank you for writing this.

    Sabina

    • AK says:

      I’m sorry about your loss Sabina. Yes, please do share, but please make sure you abide by sw.com’s re-posting policy.

  16. x-teacher says:

    dearest anonymous,
    assalaamu alaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
    about 10 yrs ago, in my 7th grade islamic studies class, there was a student who cut herself. her friend came to me and told me to speak to her because she was going through some hard times. i first spoke to my supervisor about the situation, and was told to stay away, and not address it, because this might make her feel more vulnerable to know that other people know of her situation. following my orders, i did as i was told. by the end of the day, the student had come to me herself. we sat down, and talked. she didn’t need to tell me her situation, she didn’t need to go into any detail she felt uncomfortable about. instead we sat there for about an hour talking about how loving and forgiving Allah SWT is. Allah SWT loves you 70times more than the love of a mother, subhanallah. HE SWT is there with you all the time, HE sees what you’ve been through, and knows your pain. He SWT forgives any sin, and all sins, except shirk. it is HIS power alone to grant life and to take it, and if we contemplate taking our own life, then we are contemplating shirk, in that we take the power to take life into our own hands. the life of this world is very short compared to the life of the hereafter, and it’d be a shame to waste the eternity of the hereafter, for a single mistake in this short life.
    each and every day, Allah SWT grants you new beginning, a blank paper, it is up to you what you have written on that paper, whether good or bad. and if mistakes are made, he can wipe it clean and give you a fresh new start as many times as you need.
    and if, God forbid, someone else has wronged you, then know full well that they will be held responsible for their actions with Allah SWT. you don’t have to carry the stress of that with you. if it bothers you, forgive them, and let Allah SWT deal with them.
    the next morning, the student’s mother came into the office. i was called into the supervisor’s office. i was afraid that i was going to get in trouble for having disobeyed her orders. instead, the supervisor, and the mother were very happy, because, the mother said, that after many many months, her daughters smiled again, and was a happy child again. subhanallah.
    my dearest i hope and pray that the smile returns to your face also, today and forever after. take strength in knowing that Allah SWT loves you, HE is with you, HE will forgive any sin except shirk and has the power to remove what troubles you. and when all this is over, you will face HIM and HIM alone on the day of judgement, i pray that it will be a happy meeting, and HE SWT will be pleased with you and you will be pleased with Allah SWT. ameen.

  17. sis says:

    Excellent article on grief and loss. Thank you for sharing.

    I had one question, in the case that you mentioned (Layla) dealing with a divorce or break-up wouldn’t talking to ex-husband/fiance be helpful to bring closure? To use plenty of “I statements” to get all the feelings out and vent, then move on.

    JazakiAllah khair :)

    • seef says:

      Closure from a bad breakup comes from within, not from rehashing the whole sordid affair with the ‘guilty’ party. It is not necessary to face your tormentor in order to forgive her, and then move on.

  18. Warda says:

    (Nothing is forever, qoute from sis Khadija post above).

    Just remember that we must live everyday better than yesterday and improve ourselves. Allah (swt) has given us that opportunity everyday we wake up is a chance to make things better, and a chance to get closer to Allah (swt), explore the deen and you will fall in love with it…it will lighten your heart, through the darkness. May the day come that these bad times and bad feelings became distance memories.

    Lets remember our brothers and sisters all around the world, also suffering and make du’a for them aswell as ourselves. We all deserve to be happy, so lets give ourselves that chance.

  19. Eman says:

    MashaAllaah, jazakillaahu khair Amal

  20. mohammed says:

    Assalamualikum,

    Jazakkallahu khair for all those working behind this.
    I am going thru the situation discussed in the article.
    After reading this I am really happy that Allah is helping me a lot to recover from my situation.Alhamdulillah for every thing.
    This situation make me to learn patience , forgivness and everything for the sake of Allah.
    Working hard to make Allah happy for me, Please include me in your duas.And i will keep in touch with this site in future insha allah.

  21. Ni says:

    JazakAllah Khair for this article. I experienced a loss late last year, and as I was reading this article, I could totally relate to the 5 stages of grief. Alhmudullillah, I am now in stage 5, and am very optimistic for the future, Inshallah.

    I agree with the statement that it may even take several months to move forward…one advise I can give to people is to never loose hope.

  22. A. says:

    i cried reading it. I dont know why!
    but jazakillah e khair !!

  23. Non-Muslim who believes you says:

    Recently I was hurt by a friend whom I got to know on the net. He is a Muslim guy from Pakistan and I re

  24. Sarah says:

    MasyaAllah this article is really beautiful. I’m just 15 and I have depression for 9 months already. It all started when my boyfriend of 3 years left me for someone else. I feel so alone and depressed bcs he was the only source of love I had since my parents are almost rarely at home and they never ask me about my day or anything. I started cuttiing real bad to the extent I have fainted a couple of times because of it. The break up really killed me as it was a long term relationship. I still cry over him and I find it extremely hard to move on. Please help.

  25. anjum says:

    Ask I am going through a very bad phase of life,I loved a guy truely but he was from other religion i kw itz azab to marry non muslim but itz hard for me to sustain this & at the same time im facing a horrendous time of my career iam so depressed & asking allah to comfort me but i dont kw wer my deeds so bad I am getting this all,I feel like ending life for this all.dont kw wat to do how to do ? plz pray for me..

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