Hook Up with Allah, Allah will Hook You Up


3589136966_b9fb81d6ac_oOriginally published in April 2010

Part I | Part II

Before I got married, I was given unsolicited advice on how to change in order to make myself “more appealing” to men. Sisters would voluntarily tell me I should change my dress style, personality and passion for activism in order not to scare them away.

I was frustrated. Since when was our purpose in life marriage? Where in the Qur’an does Allah The Provider—The One Who has written our provision in every aspect of our lives—ask us to change our personalities and tone down our activism in hopes of sacking a spouse? Why would I want to change myself to please someone else and marry someone who doesn’t actually appreciate who I truly am in the first place?

Nevertheless, with marriage being such a huge concern for our community, many face the temptation to change who they are and their core values for the sake of finding a spouse.

Here’s an idea: Instead of working to please a potential suitor, perhaps we should first seek to please Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He), the One Who sows the seed of love in our hearts and can bless us with our dream husband or dream wife or give us better than it if that’s what is best for us.

Thus, for those of us seeking to get married, in addition to looking for marriage at every event, let’s look for marriage in our relationship with Al Wahhab, The Giver of All. Let’s be honest. We are talking about the Al Mujeeb, The Responder to Prayer. Those are amongst the Names of Allah! Allah gives and He answers!

If we are individuals who struggle to lower our gaze and protect our eyes, heart, tongue and body from falling into what is forbidden, don’t we know that Allah `azza wa jall (the Might and Majestic) will indeed massively reward us?

Every time we glance up and see someone we wish we could be with and then turn away, in that moment we can fervently ask Allah (swt) to bless us with a spouse who will be the sweetness of our eyes. Would not Allah `azza wa jall listen to and accept your supplication to Him? The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has encouraged us with regards to our dua (supplication), “Ask and you will be given, ask you will be given,” (at-Tirmithi).

In those moments in the last third of the night, in those two rakahs (units of prayer) which we make out of pure frustration of our situation, weeping, asking Allah (swt) to answer us—do we not think Allah rabul`alameen (Lord of the Worlds) will respond to us? How could Allah, The Responder, possibly not accept the supplication of His adamant worshipper who is painfully struggling to maintain his or her modesty and guard his or her chastity? Allahu Akbar (God is the Greatest), this is Allah! Without doubt Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala is going to answer us!

The Prophet ﷺ relates from Allah, the Lord of All the Worlds, in a hadith qudsi:

“Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth’s sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: ‘Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?’” (Bukhari)

What is hooking up with a brother or sister on Facebook worth if we’re not more adamant about  hooking up with the One Who can hook us up?

As Shaykh Muhammad Faqih once said, “Hook up with Allah, Allah will hook you up!”

Let’s hook up with salah (prayer)! Hook up with the Qur’an! Hook up with community work for Allah’s Sake! And have certainty that when we struggle to please Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, Allah, Ash-Shakoor, is the Most Appreciative of our work and will undoubtedly reward us.

Will that reward be in the form of an amazing spouse and an amazing marriage? Allah knows best. Perhaps it may and perhaps it may not. However, the best part is that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala knows what is BEST for us and regardless of the outcome, we’ll have increased in the closeness of our relationship to Him through this test.

The Prophet ﷺ has told us, “Any Muslim who supplicates to Allah in a du`a’ which contains no sin breaking of kinship, Allah will give him one of three things: either his du`a’ will be immediately answered or, it will be saved for him in the hereafter, or it will turn away an equivalent amount of evil (from him)…” (Ahmad).

Thus, we must know that if we hook up with Allah, we can trust that He will hook us up with whatever is best, whether it be an answer to exactly what we are asking for or something better than that for us. Allah got our backs! Who better to trust our future with than the One Who already knows it?

Easier said than done? Maybe. But what have we got to lose? If at the end of the day, we are only increasing in closeness to Allah (swt), we are finding our Qur’anic recitation increasing, we are finally tasting the sweetness of our salah, we’re making more fervent duaa than ever before—then, God willing, we will have gained more than a spouse if one gets married, and we would have gained much more than facebook “cruising for a spouse” time while we’re attempting to find our better half.

Those of us looking to get married must take the means necessary—meeting new people, getting involved with new organizations and projects, considering online options or singles’ events… We must take the means necessary for the outcome. But let us not forget that the One Who will facilitate the outcome should be on our minds, in our hearts and worshipped through our actions in more passionate, fervent ways than the time and effort we justifiably spend searching for our better halves.

And if marriage does not become a reality for whatever reason is best, then by focusing on increasing in our relationship with Allah (swt), we would have gained much, much more in both this life and the Next, God willing; a higher rank in the highest Paradise, an amazingly close relationship with our Creator and unparalleled new relationship with du`a’ (supplication) to the One Who always hears and responds.

The Lord of the Worlds speaks to us and tells us, “And when My slaves ask you concerning Me, then I am indeed near. I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me. So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright,” (Quran, 2:186).

We are coming to Allah with raja (hope), with a powerful combination of seeking Allah’s pleasure, striving to leave anything which may gain His displeasure and making a consistent effort to ask Him to open the best of ways for us. And with all of that, we’re putting our trust in Him that He will give us whatever is best. Of course Allah is listening and He will undoubtedly answer us.

As was once stated, “A person has never held certainty in Allah only for Allah to disappoint him or her. Never will Allah disappoint those with yaqeen (certainty), tawakkul (reliance) and husn al-dhann (good opinion) of Him.”

Hook up with Allah and Allah, the All Wise, will undoubtedly hook us up in the best of ways.

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120 Comments

  1. Menna says:

    Great article, really exactly what i needed .. and i’ll try from now on to lower my gaze in order to be rewarded with a good spouse .. jazake Allah khayran :D

  2. QuranReciter says:

    Really great blog! Thank you so much for your effort in writting this.

  3. Chrysalis says:

    Good article Sis, masha’Allah.

    I’m not saying you should get close to Allah only for a mate… but it is true that when you stop looking elsewhere, and you turn to Allah for help, asking Him to be your Matchmaker – wondrous things happen! I can testify that personally. Unfortunately we only realize ‘Allah’ as the best source after we have been disappointed in worldly sources… So my advise to others, Rely on Allah BEFORE you rely on anything/one else. And watch the magic happen. [but don't be be-sabr, have patience dear siblings-in-islam]

  4. Nini says:

    SubhanAllah. This article really has given me a different kind of satisfaction inside my heart. As overall, everyone knows to rely on Allah, and I do too, but when it comes to doing istekharas and things not happening in the way you wanted does indeed make me down. And I start to wonder and questions things. I pray all the time mashAllah but I needed something that will make me stronger, and this article really helped. Thank You, sister!

  5. mimie shoaib says:

    SubhanAllah, great article! before marriage, i prayed for a ‘saleh’ husband who can lead me to become a good muslimah .. Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT has granted my wish .. Syukur …

  6. jannah says:

    preach it sistah! *like! however this is only 1/2… the other half is where brothers recognize that the nice quiet, modestly dressed, active, religious sisters are the one’s they should be going after… then win win all around!!

  7. Ayisha says:

    Assalamu Alaykum,

    mashAllah! i loved this article…well written
    May Allah reward you sister..!!

    Wassalam

  8. Salahuddin says:

    I don’t think you know what “hooking up means”. Nonetheless, good read.

    • Sami says:

      The author is using hooking up as a play on words. The author is keeping up with modern lingo to appeal to the audience reading this article. Hooking up in this article is used for good, not for the bad. The point is to work on our relationship with Allah and the rest will fall in place. It’s really a play on words.

  9. MashaAllah, this article really touched my heart and it has cleared my mind to focus on building my relationship further with Allah s.w.t. rather than fretting over getting married. Thank you sooo much for writing this and making me feel that there’s hope! :)

  10. Diana says:

    MashAllah thank you for writing this!
    definitely a great reminder of the importance of focus on Allah, subhana wa ta’ala, rather than this duniya. Thank yoU!

  11. mariam oladoja says:

    its a good information.May Allah set right our affairs.

  12. emanne says:

    MashaAllah wonderful article! May Allah bless us all with wonderful, religious spouses and may He bless us with as-seerat al mustaqeem. Ameen.

  13. sidra says:

    mashallah…very gud post!!

  14. michael rose says:

    Subhanallah…thank you for such a beautiful article…i pray to Allah everyday so that He hooks me up with my other half soon…Allah knows best what’s best for me..Insyaalah..ameen..

  15. Mayriana says:

    Thank you for such a motivating article on finding a soulmate. It’s really beautiful and thanks for sharing the lovely du’a s which I am sooo going to try.

  16. Mev says:

    Beautiful article… Allah plans best for us…we only need to Trust Him in Allll the situations…Allah ho Akbar

  17. A. says:

    i read it. i cried. i loved it!
    i just shared it with all my sisters who fret, cry, whine about this particular issue that you have mentioned dear Maryam!

    As Salamu Alikum!
    it is a beautiful read. Masha Allah ! this is an unsolicited answer for me and I am loving Allah swt much more!
    jazakillah e kahir an kaseer for this!
    May Allah swt bless you and bless us with the best in this world and hearafter, make our eyes cool from our spouses and progeny and may Allah swt make us all, the imams of Mut’taqeen!

    Allahum Aghfirlana! O, our Allah, please forgive us all! amen!

  18. hijab says:

    Salam un Alaikum Warehmatullah!

    Now this is how Allah paak answers our or to get precise “my” questions. I loved the read and found it really really effective enough to boost my morale for multiplying the love for ALlah azz wajal to infinite folds.
    JazakIllah hu khair for the share sis!

    Allah Paak help all of us and guide us to the rightest of the paths ! Ameen!

  19. Sister says:

    I am in love with someone and am now married, I didn’t get on with him at first, couldn’t get my head around being married. I was always upset something was always going wrong for me in general. I was an emotional wreck untill I started wearing the hijab and And praying salah. I have now found peace in my heart and have learnt to appreciate things i already have. My question to you all is the love I felt for my ex lover has still not gone completely I still pray to Allah swt if not my ex lover in this life pls grant me him in the next life. I will make my marriage work inshahallah just by praying to Allah swt I can see myself living with my husband a very happy life. Is this wrong of me to even ask for another
    man in the next life?? From reading this article it has answered some of my questions but I just want to confirm? Am sorry for going off the topic a little

    • muslimah says:

      assalamu alaikkum,
      To sister: only allah knows who will be
      with us in jannah. Instead of worrying abt that part,
      if it didnt happen in dunya, maybe it wasnot meant
      to be and thats why you are now married to a different person and probably thats what is good for you. Since there’s an ayah in quran which says, Not a leaf falls without allah’s knowledge.
      What you have now,is what allah has prescribed for you, and there’s definitely a blessing for believing in QADAR of allah and ur efforts to make this work, will be paid, in sha allah. There’s a huge probability that over time you’ll fall in love with ur spouse, provided u dont compare and can appreciate the goodness he has and maybe he’s the one u’ll want to be with in dunya and akhirah, at a later date. I suggest you pray to allah so that allah fills your hearts with love for each other.
      Forget ur past and anything that reminds it.
      Concentrate on how to be a good wife and insha allah, everything will turn out fine. May allah bless you with a happy life…

  20. hannah says:

    Absolutely spot on advice! I totally agree and alhamdulillah, I’ve tried desperately to stay firm on this mindset. Its not always easy, but with complete hope and conviction in Allah, Allah will not disappoint.
    I’m not yet married, but alhamdulillah wa shukr, I’ve now recently met someone who I am totally happy with and insha’Allah am looking forward to spending my life with. But as always there’s always a little test of sabr with each step–but thats where all the reward is to be found too! Alhamdulillah.
    Once again, jazakallah khair sis for the lovely and inspiring advice. I’m with you all the way :)

    Wa salaam

  21. Muslimah says:

    Masha’Allah love the article

  22. Nuraini says:

    I think it is a matter of prioritisation. I cannot deny that marriage is extremely commended in Islam, however in terms of priority, I think a human being needs to keep in mind 2 more important objectives: (1) the purpose of human creation is to worship Allah, and (2) the purpose of humans being put on earth is to be the steward of the earth and its creatures. All else that is commanded is therefore in this context.

    I think it would be a failure if, in trying to fulfil a ‘how’, like ‘get married’, both fundamental objectives go unfulfilled. But, if you fulfil both human objectives, but fail in details like didn’t manage to get married, it’s still pretty ok in the big picture. I think in the modern world, we focus too much on the details without checking if it’s still consistent with fundamentals. And even in Muslim groups and movements, we are so much more preoccupied with the (1) but don’t think much at all about what our responsibilities should be for (2). I try to remember that these things are ultimately more important than some things I lapse into obsessing about. A spouse and children is entirely up to Allah’s discretion and benevolence. But my duties are up to me.

  23. Yasmin says:

    Jazakallah khair for this great and much needed post!

  24. Sarah says:

    Assalamualaikum sister! Your writing is soo good mashAllah ! I love reading your articles. May Allah bless you with His Mercy and May he give you the highest level of Jannah in sha Allah. You dont know how much you help SubhanAllah!

  25. saodahajil says:

    i loved this article. Please let me share with friends.. TQ.

  26. C. Khidr says:

    Salams sister,

    This is really beautiful advice. It reminds me of a passage in the writings of Shaikh al-Darqawi, who says that if you desire something, then turn away from it entirely in your heart and turn to God; if God wills, you will receive it.

    Rumi himself says in his Fihi ma fihi that when you leave something for God, and turn to God with all your heart, then God gives you what you wished for. But by turning to God in total sincerity, you end up finding such satisfaction in God that you no longer desire what you sought in the first place. Why return to vinegar, says Ibn Arabi, once you have tasted honey?

    My own shaikh’s advice regarding marriage was for me to work on your my soul; he said that it would draw a corresponding mate, since like magnets, we draw souls of a corresponding energy.

  27. Anonymous says:

    I agree the purpose of our lives is to worship Allah (swt).

    However, as a 29 year old SINGLE woman, I find it disgusting how some parents bring their children up (especially women) to believe that their sole purpose is to marry. I find it equally disgusting that other people in the community make you feel inferior or less worthy because you are not married. Often using excuses against the woman, that there must be something wrong with her which is why she’s not married.

    Whilst it’s fantastic to continuously hear and read these messages of praying, trusting in Allah (swt) etc, in practical terms, it doesn’t actually solve the problem. Islam is a proactive religion. Why then, do we not have a shift in mentality and address the real issues in hand instead of brushing it underneath the carpet?

    1. Parenting skills of Muslims need to be addressed.
    2. Parents need to stop allowing their sons to get away with things. There should be the same rules for both sexes.
    3. What are our religious leaders and scholars doing practically apart from giving the advice of keeping trust in Allah (swt)? What happened to tying the camel??

    To be honest, I think your article is very basic and whilst it’s awesome for those who need a quick ‘cheer-me-up’, I personally don’t think it fits in with the reality sister that there is a real issue. In fact, it’s quite reminiscent if we go back to the days of jahliyya when people were killing their daughters. Same effect but through different actions. Making women lose their self-respect, self-esteem and confidence. And I haven’t even started on what happens after marriage!

    Equally disturbing is how it’s mostly women who have responded to this article and have not even flinched.

  28. shafeeqa says:

    Nice article.. tawakkul…

  29. jannah says:

    1 year later and I’m now married… The best advice I ever read was ‘Seek your spouse in the middle of the night.’

  30. Green says:

    Am married and going through a hard time. Marriage is definitely not the be all and end all of life. Being close to Allah has helped me and not losing hope helps me. Sometimes I look at my life before marriage and it seems simpler, happier, but with marriage comes many benefits as well as tests. Anyone interested can look at the lecture on YouTube by Nouman Ali Khan called ” the coolness of my eyes ” , where he mentions a good dua for spouses…sorry don’t know how to paste it here.
    The roman English of the dua is :- Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa dhuriyattina qurrata aynin wajalna lil mutaqeena imama.( sorry for any mistakes )

  31. Anis says:

    Assalamualaikum,

    Thank you Dear sister Maryam for writing this piece. I wish you had written this article so many years ago when I was struggling with the same exact issue. Alhamdulillah I’m glad to say that I found this out, the hard way! Of course, I would’ve loved to have had this much earlier, it would’ve made my life so much simpler! But then, Allah knows best and I would not have arrived to the point where I am today without going through all that I had…

    To all the sisters and brothers who are still not married and wishing and hoping to be..do take heed of this article. There is no better “arranged marriage” than the marriage arranged by Allah for you. Because He knows what’s best for you and what you really need. I can testify to this from my own personal experience. It was a hard struggle for me previously because I pegged on my hopes on humans, who do not have the power at all. But once I submit and put all my hopes and trust in Allah, Maasha Allah! He really opened my eyes and my heart! I have never been happier than I am now, in all of my 38 years of life, with a most wonderful husband that is more than what I asked for from Him…so be patient, the journey is, no doubt hard and painful, but the reward is, nevertheless…the sweetest!

  32. Muhammad M says:

    An awesome advice for men!

  33. Mehreen says:

    SubhanAllah!! Awesome article!! It just hit the bull’s eye!

  34. Shaik says:

    I love this article. Some parts brought me to tears. Thank you sister, for sharing your words and of those from the Quran.

  35. nazia says:

    this is a very beautiful article. Mashallah!!! :)

  36. Citra says:

    Jazakallah khair for sharing this article. It really consoles me T_T If we hook up with Allah, no hearts will get broken…

  37. Saleha says:

    Salam-u-alaikum,

    I was wondering if anyone knew of a method that I could ask Allah for illumination on a matter hidden from me but not like as in an istikhara where it is more of a decision-making effort. This has to do with me asking for some information I have no way of knowing with certainty other than through God’s will and grace. Can anyone point me out to such a dua? Also this is not concerning the future but rather the past and present.

    Regards,

    Saleha.

  38. Muna Musa says:

    Excellent read masha’Allah — Jazaki Allahu Khyrun for this <3
    Greetings from Ethiopia! ;)

  39. Nasifa says:

    Jazak Allahu Khairun for this article masha’Allah its a very good one. i really needed this. I am going through a really hard time and I request all to pray for me so that I can get peace.

  40. Jasmina says:

    I was in a relationship for almost 4 years now, and we have broken up a few times in between and gotten back together. we broke up about 6 months ago, and I have honestly been struggling so much. I know we are not right for each other becuase there is so many signs that point out to this, we are so different in some things and argue alot. we obviously love each other alot. i think i love him more then he loves me. but i am stuggling so much to let go and move on. i just hope this pain will ease off and that Allah will connect me with someone else who will help me forget about him and this pain.

  41. Hawaa says:

    Thank you for such a motivating article on finding a soulmate. It’s really beautiful and thanks for sharing the lovely du’a s which I am sooo going to try.

  42. zaheer says:

    JazakAllah u khairan. This article should reach to every muslim who is desparately looking to get married. And those who suffered depression after refusals.

  43. Ssd says:

    How can the writer use the word ‘marriage’ for Allah, and hook up?

  44. H Q says:

    Believe it or not, being single is liberating. It is much better than being in a haram relationship. Ask yourself, how many times do you actually feel truly happy indulging in a sinful relationship? I guess if one is really honest and sincere to be with a girl, he will make it halal. I was in a 5-year relationship which ended badly. I learnt my lesson, and I do not wish for any other Muslims to be in my situation. A friend of mine just got divorced recently only after a year of marriage. They were in relationship for almost 8 years prior to marriage. Everyone was saying they they were a couple made in heaven etc but looking at what happened to them recently has really taught me a great lesson. Boyfriend-girlfriend relationships take you nowhere. I agree that you should constantly supplicate to Allah, and ask Him to bless us with a righteous spouse. But above all, what everyone should really do is to better oneself before thinking about getting married. It takes more than a romantic relationship to build a family.

  45. X says:

    Great article however the problem with getting married now a days is that no one is willing to sacrifice. If there is anything ISLAM teaches us is that we need to be moderate in everything we do. This is also what our prophet (PBUH) told us. Moderation. Now I am not saying everyone is like that but we have sisters that take religion too far and also end up mixing the western teachings along with it. To each their own but a husband wants a wife that can be the teacher of their children. I don’t know about you all but I learned all about Islam from my mother. We want a wife that does no neglect our needs and is willing to do whatever it takes to please the husband. Now I do not mean that in a negative way and for some reason this is always taken out of context especially this day and age we live in. The divorce rate is rising as we speak and the reason for that is no one is willing to make sacrifices. How can you neglect your family to strengthen your relationship with ALLAH. Tending to your family is a great form of worship. And for the husbands…well all the husbands want a victoria secret (pardon me) model with a hijab? are you serious? look at yourself in the mirror and see if you truly deserve someone like that. As a husband your job is to be there for all kinds of support (financial, emotional, physical, etc). Guys need to get that selfishness out as well. At the end, it is all about sacrifice which unfortunately is fading away because the media and our surroundings teach us the opposite. We take what pleases us from the Quran and always use quotes from the great scholars to defend ourselves when all we really need to do is become more lenient. How is a quote from the Quran or a scholar going to help in an argument…chances are it will make things worst so brothers and sisters please learn to let go and look for someone that is willing to make sacrifices.

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