Defining Manhood: The Facade of Being “Hard”


Last week my sister called.  She has been studying abroad since summer began, so naturally I was thrilled to hear from her.  After hearing how she was, I asked about her new home.  With her living in a Muslim country, I felt assured that everything would be fine.  For that reason, what she described next was a complete shock.  She began to describe a place where a girl can hardly leave her house without being verbally harassed by men walking by.  She said that the catcalling was no longer the exception; it had become the rule. Then she told me about a Muslim girl she knew.  The girl was riding in a taxi and when she arrived at her stop, she handed the driver his money.  In many of these countries there are no strict meters, and since the fare is somewhat arbitrary, the driver became angry.  Eventually the altercation escalated to such a degree that the driver grabbed the girl by the shoulders and began to shake her.  At this, the girl became angry and insulted the driver.  The driver then punched the young woman in the face.

At this point, I was extremely disturbed.  But it was what my sister said next that was most devastating.  Nearby, there was a group of men who saw what was happening, and rushed to the scene.  Naturally they came to help the girl.

No.  They stood and watched.

It was at this point in the story that I began to wonder.  Suddenly I found myself questioning every definition of masculinity I had ever believed in.  I wondered how a man — not one, but many — can stand and watch a woman be abused, and do absolutely nothing about it.  It made me question what ideals define what it means to be a man in today’s society.  Had the definition of masculinity become so distorted as to be reduced to just unbridled sex drive?  Had the image of the ‘knight in shining armor’ really been replaced by visions of macho, catcalling boys in the street?

Most of all, it got me thinking about what it means to be a Muslim man today.  I wondered if our dominate definitions as Muslims are really what they should be.  Today, a man is expected to be stoic, unemotional, inexpressive, tough, and unbending.  Physical aggression is glorified and emotional expressiveness ridiculed. I then decided to examine the epitome of what it means to be a man.  I decided to look at the Prophet ﷺ.

One of the most common definitions of manhood today is the lack of emotional expressiveness.  It is almost universally believed that to cry is ‘unmanly’ and weak.  And yet the Prophet ﷺ described it very differently.  When the Prophet ﷺ was handed his daughter’s son who was dying, his eyes flooded with tears. His companion Sa`d then told him, “What is this, Prophet of God?” He ﷺ said, “This is a mercy that the Almighty has made in the hearts of His servants. And surely God has mercy to the merciful ones among His servants.” [Bukhari]

But today, a man is not only expected to hide feelings of sadness, he is taught early on that even other emotions are not to be expressed.  During the time of the Prophet ﷺ, there were some men who believed the same.  Once while a villager was present, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandsons on the forehead.  At that, the villager said with surprise, “I have ten children.  I have never kissed any of them!” Prophet Muhammad ﷺ looked at him and said, “He who does not have mercy will not have mercy upon him.” [Bukhari] In fact, with regards to showing affection, the Prophet ﷺ was very clear.  He said: “If a man loves his brother in faith, he should tell him that he loves him.”[Abu Dawud]

The Prophet ﷺ used to also show a great deal of affection towards his wives.  Aisha reported that the Prophet ﷺwould only enjoy his meals when she would sit next to him.  They would drink from one cup and he would watch where Aisha would place her lips on the cup so that he could place his lips on the exact position.  He would eat from a bone after she would eat from it, placing his mouth where she had eaten. [Muslim]

The Prophet ﷺ used to also help around the house, contrary to another widely held myth of masculinity.  Aisha reported, “The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ used to stitch his clothes, milk the goats and help in the chores inside the house.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

But, perhaps one of the most common myths of what a man should be is the idea that a man should be ‘tough.’  Gentleness is widely considered only a feminine trait.  And yet the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness, nor for anything else.” [Muslim] In another hadith, he says, “He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good.” [Muslim]

And yet so much of that gentleness has been lost from our modern definition of masculinity.  It is frightening when a boy can consider it manly to sexually harass a woman on the street, but consider it no question of his manhood to stand and watch while a girl is being hit.  It makes you wonder if maybe our image of what is ‘manly’ in fact resembles a Hollywood gangster more than it does our beloved Prophet.
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57 Comments

  1. mike says:

    This has nothing to do men being afraid to cry. In most muslim countries women are treated next to nothing but as property chips. Only the educated middle class treats their women better. The rich and poor generally treat their women the sa…me in these countries. The cage may be cleaner for the rich women but its still a cage. Islam is practiced by middle who pray and hope for jannah. The rich have their idle earth as jannah and have no cares. The poor are struggling very day against rising food costs, petrol and rent. The driver probably hadn’t made enough money that day and got angry. She should agreed on price b/f leaving or saying by meter. Also many kids ie young men get on and don’t pay when they get to destination. He just took out his frustration on your sister because he could. Also make sure she never contacts the police unless she knows somebody personally high up in the chain of command. Otherwise she is asking for trouble. No place is safe anymore. There is no country where we can say the politicians are working for the people. All the world leaders corrupt and incompetent.

    • Veronica says:

      Salam alaikum brother,

      It appears to me that maybe the underlying purpose of the article may have been over looked. I believe our dear sister Yasmin was simply trying to point out that many Muslim men today have a distorted understanding of what true ‘Manhood’is.

      The example that was provided, i.e. the sister being assaulted as several men stood by and watched,is a mere symptom of the current condition of the Ummah at large. Whether rich, poor or somewhere in between the root of the problem is the same. Not having enough knowledge of this beautiful Deen and not following in the footsteps of our beloved Rasulallah. Assuming that only the middle class respect their wives, in my opinion is a dangerous generalization. This thinking leads us to placing people in categories they may not belong in.

      For instance, we know that the Prophet Muhammad was a man of little means. As were many of the Sahaba. Yet, as we see through the examples that were provided in this article that the Prophet Muhammad was gentle, merciful and loving. Yet, Abu-d Darda, a man of great means and wealth, was also known for his piety and kindness.

      And I must say that I was a bit disappointed when you suggested that the taxi driver was just overly frustrated. My understanding could be wrong, but it seems as if this is providing an excuse for his behavior. Whether a price was agreed upon or not; physcially attacking anyone, let alone a woman, is absolutely apprehensible.

      Our beloved Prophet, who was the best of examples, was not known to treat even his enemies with such harshness. Can you imagine the Prophet Muhammad or any of his companions standing by as they watched any individual being unfairly treated or harmed?

      It may be true that those who are put into positions of power, i.e. World leaders are corrupt and oppressive. Yet, as Muslims this should not stop us from being just in our dealings with others. For on the Day of Judgment we will not be questioned for their actions, but ours alone.

      May Allah Bless our Ummah with Knowledge, understanding and manners.

    • Abu Abdullah says:

      Assalamu alaikum,
      Brother Mike…I’d take caution before making general statements like “Most Muslim Countries” as personally, although I’ve never lived there but visiting quite often to those “Muslim Countries” have seen, to be fair, both extremes. At one end you see what sister Yasmin describes..and at the other, you will also see character of true nobility, often unheard of here in the West. To suggest that only the ‘educated’ and ‘middle-class’ treat their women better, again, is a distasteful generalization. Sister Yasmin, although describing an isolated incident, is, in my opinion, painting a disturbing picture that is ‘tainting’ societies such as those in Muslim countries, where we would generally ‘expect’ noble character to be at least…known. Having said that, we need to be fair, I live here in a small city in Canada where women are considered mere ‘vessels’ to carry potential child support cheques…..but again, to be fair and not generalize, this also happens to be a place where I have seen the most tolerant of attitudes towards Muslims, where sadly ‘often’ times we do not always see in ‘some highly Muslim populated cities in the West’ or even in ‘some Muslim countries’. But again, as sister Veronica mentions, the underlying purpose of the article may have simply been overlooked. This article, to me, certainly serves as an ‘eyeopener’ and a lesson to go back and look at how our dear Prophet Muhammad (sal-Allahy 3alayhy wa sallam) defined manhood and implement as best as I can.
      Let’s also, as sister Yasmin has done and Imam Suhaib has taught us, not mention names of places.
      Wassalamu alaikum,
      Abu Abdallah

    • Colin says:

      I agree with Mike. One can criticise the generalisations in the literal sense, but the generalisations are essentially true.

    • Ismaeel Abeed says:

      The answer is quite simple-there is no Islam even in so called Muslim countries.
      Thanks to rap music and Hollywood, everyone wants to be a gangster.
      Forget the fact tha Sayyiduna Umar expelled the Jews for lifting the skirt of one Muslim woman in the market place.
      May Allah make us return to the pure deen of ISLAM wherever we live in the world and may the Nabi SAW and his companions remain our measurement of Futtuwah and good adab. Hasbunallah wa ni’mal wakil

      • Kirana says:

        A respected scholar of Indonesia of the early 20th century, known popularly as Dr. Hamka, observed in his Indonesian Malay language tafseer of the Qur’an, from in his travels to Europe and some Muslim countries, that he saw a place where there was Islam but no Muslims, and then a place with no Islam but many Muslims (I paraphrase a little due to an inexact memory). Bear in mind though that the European society he saw was from a time where there might be a lot more congruence in social and political values than today. Still, the observation may yet remain valid.

        Even today, when you can say there is a resurgence in religiosity in Asia, the *priority* of things we focus on and spend the most time legislating, speaking about, posting on facebook about, preaching about, write to newspapers about, as communities seem to be different from what I gather from the scholar writings I have had opportunity to read, Hadith, or even the Qur’an.

        I used to think that the focus is explained by our shallow focus on outward things, but it is also possible that we like to focus on those Islamic requirements that are only applicable to us, that makes us different, that sets us apart from non-Muslims, regardless of whether the actual relative priority is higher or lower than some other aspects which in the modern context happens to also be things other people identify with or even are the current leaders in. An extreme example I have heard in university, is when a group of students on a supervised jungle walk. One of them, a female, fell into the river and was drowning. The girls could not swim, some of the boys could, but did not jump in. When the facilitator arrived he jumped in to save the girl. Now the most interesting part is the *reason* why none of the boys jumped in. It was not doubt in their swimming skill vs the river strength. It was because since it is haram to touch the opposite sex, they must not be allowed to save her because it would involve touching her. Now most of the time the examples are less extreme, but the underlying prioritisation disconnect remains.

        I don’t know whether this is a correct view or not, but if it is, then it seems our collective effort is really driven by an insecurity about our identity. Otherwise we would be a lot more interested about the actual relative importance of the different things required of us, regardless of whether they advertise our Muslimness or not.

  2. Ibraheem says:

    Once I was riding a cab in Damascus where the driver made a catcall at a woman wearing a full-length manto and hijab. I told him he shouldn’t have and he kicked me out. The silver lining was that it was where I wanted to get out anyway. Chivalry won me a free cab ride.

  3. Fajr Breeze says:

    ma shâa’Allah, that was a powerful blog post. Baraka-Llâhu fika.
    Really, whe should review our definition of manhood..

  4. Young Sheikh Muhajid says:

    Its sad that brothers today don’t display futuwwa like they should.

  5. Amal says:

    This is why I divorced my husband, muslim and thinks its ok to hit his wife.

    • Shamma says:

      that’s so sad :(
      I’m sorry you had to face that, and I am glad you divorced him. Some women find it hard to divorce men even if they treat her like trash, glad you knew better

  6. Ahmed s says:

    Any man who beats a woman should just open a beauty salon and braid hair or something, because he’s a pure sissy. Men these days have seriously lost many of the true characteristics of a real man. At the same time, woman today go out too much, and need to dress better. Salam

    • Hana says:

      and what exactly is wrong with going out?

    • Anon sis says:

      “should just open a beauty salon and braid hair or something, because he’s a pure sissy”
      … did you read the article at all?

      Sissy – a pejorative for a male to indicate he fails to behave according to the traditional male gender role. Implies a lack of the courage and stoicism which are thought important to the male role. An effeminate man.

      also, I love how you likened the issue of gender-based violence to the ‘issue’ of women “going out too much”. why is that a problem again?

      • Sean says:

        “..he fails to behave according to the traditional male gender role..”

        If the ‘traditional male gender role’ he is talking about is the same role Mohammed (pbuh)took – the islamic tradition, then ‘sissy’ is apt for the purpose of describing a man not conforming to that role.

        Hitting a women takes no courage or stoicism, so he does seem to lack them.

        Why is “going out too much” a problem you ask? Well, ‘too much’ of anything is always a problem, no?

    • Aadil says:

      In addition to the points made below, don’t get why men who care about how they look and carry themselves are ‘sissy’.

  7. Chrysalis says:

    Agree wholeheartedly with the article! I hope Muslim men realise the TRUE meaning of masculinity & chivalry – as displayed by our beloved Prophet Muhammad. (saw) – not the hooligans portrayed by Bollywood & Hollywood.

  8. aisha LaDon says:

    Thank you for sharing your private story with us. Thank you for reminding us what true manhood is about. Inshallah we can spread this reminder to our brothers, and to sisters as well, who have forgotten what the worth is, and what they should be willing to except.
    May Allah reward you for spreading the knowledge of Islam

    Warm Regards,
    Aisha L. Abdul Rahman
    Sacramento, CA

  9. Saad Badran says:

    Subhan Allah, Allahu Akbar, Alhamdulillah, what a great example of manhood Allah has blessed this ummah with. May Allah humble the hearts of Muslim Men everywhere, husbands, fathers,leaders, etcc. so that they may follow blissfully in the Prophets (pbuh) footsteps!!!!!

  10. shiney says:

    masha’allah! jzk for writing this much needed article! May Allah (SWT) guide us all, men AND women and give us the Tawfiq and the courage to do the right thing at the right times. Ameen.

  11. kelefeh says:

    ok bros, be a man and call your mother (or father or sister or brother or uncle or aunty) to tell her you love her :)

  12. sabr says:

    Salams, just wanted to make a point…”muslim” country? There is actually only one Islamic government in the world. The majority are secular with Muslim citizens..

    Iran.

    Saudi is secular, so is Malaysia, Indonesia, and Turkey…The so called governments promote un Islamic behaviors by ignoring the laws of Allah.
    I know Iran is not perfect but at least they are trying to uphold what they believe in… When I visited Iran, a few taxi drivers tried some things on the sly but in the neighborhoods the men would GO INSIDE if i walked by if it late at night. It was very empowering and helped me understand the Islamic Man.

  13. Ibn 'Amr says:

    “Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah ; and those with him are forceful against the disbelievers, merciful among themselves. You see them bowing and prostrating [in prayer], seeking bounty from Allah and [His] pleasure. Their mark is on their faces from the trace of prostration. That is their description in the Torah. And their description in the Gospel is as a plant which produces its offshoots and strengthens them so they grow firm and stand upon their stalks, delighting the sowers – so that Allah may enrage by them the disbelievers. Allah has promised those who believe and do righteous deeds among them forgiveness and a great reward.”

  14. Abood says:

    mA brilliant! *Long Sigh*- Sala Allahu 3alayhe wasallam. Please post more of your articles Sister Yasmin. JzAk and may Allah accept ur efforts. Ameen.

  15. dpeat says:

    NIce post, jazak’Allaho khairan.

  16. Fatima says:

    Salaam, I really appreciate this article, as I can really relate to it. A similar incident occurred to me in Senegal, a country that is over 95% Muslim. My British friends and I had a misunderstanding about a taxi fare with a driver, he went crazy on us, grabbed my hand and my purse and was literally about to slap me. A group of men did come, but instead of restraining this man who was threatening three women, they urged us to pay the man ! Chivalry is surely dead !

  17. I absolutely agree with this article’s message. My question is, as Muslim males (hopefully men) living in the west, our masculinity has been taken away from us. We are told to shave, to act a certain way, be “acha bacha” (Urdu for Good boy), etc.

    Explain in simple terms what it means to be a Man. Aside from not harming/hitting your wife, what does it mean to be a man in a practical sense? ie, don’t just say “What the Prophet SAAWS had”. Back up anecdotes with general principles. What qualities should we have?

    And most most most importantly, in a PRACTICAL sense, how do we attain these qualities? What can we do on a daily basis? (again, not just “follow the Prophet SAAWS”, give examples)

    • Kawthar says:

      Salaam

      With respect to manly qualities, I would say mature, independent, responsible, having direction and purpose in his life, knowing what he wants and where he wants to go. A man is one who a woman can depend on… as discussed in the article, he will protect women if they need protection. A man is someone that a woman can feel safe with, not just that he won’t harm or hit his wife, but that he would proactively take care of her when she might need it.

      You referred to boys being brought up as ‘acha bacha’. This is just an observation (I am Indian) and would obviously vary among families, but from what I’ve seen, many boys in Indian/ Pakistani families grow up without being taught much responsibility. Their mothers tend to do everything for them as they are growing up, then a wife is found for them who is expected to take over the job of doing everything for them. This is a generalisation and there are many Indian men out there that are mature, independent, and dependable. And there are many out there that show a lot of respect toward women beyond the expected not harming/hitting your wife that may be a direct result of Indian culture. But I do feel that the cultural family environment where many Indian boys are molly-cuddled, for want of a better word, does contribute to a lack of ‘manly’ qualities.

  18. Haroon N says:

    it was a good article. one thing it did right was express the (very naive) myth that lots of people have in that they believe muslim countries are ‘safe’ for females and it also exposed it as being very false.

    it also did a good job of reminding those whose frequencies are in tune w/ prophetic guidance of the example that we should be following, ‘alayhis Salam. but how do we reach those who aren’t in tune (yet)?

    Quoting an ayat or hadith unfortunately isn’t effective in the slightest when it comes to some people – i would maybe list the men cited in the incident as such. so how do we reach them?

    In this country (America) it is understood very much that hitting a woman isn’t something a real man does however there isn’t any religious backing for this. How did they come to understand this as a universal human truth? Perhaps we should be employing the same type of tactics and hope for a better future for our sisters in these countries.

    • mnm557 says:

      While it is generally understood by many Americans AND many Muslims abroad that hitting a woman isn’t something a real man does, many women are beaten or even killed in the United States. It is on our news everyday, in the ER so often, and is topic often avoided in this society too.

  19. RCHOUDH says:

    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah,

    Jazakillah ul Khair Sister Yasmin for bringing attention to this problem. I am right now living in a Muslim country and I believe the problem lies in a lack of acquiring proper Muslim manners (Adaab) when it comes to interaction with other human beings. So you’ll see little Muslim kids acting rudely to each other and towards adults (and learning how to be racist, sexist, classist, etc) and you see that majority of the time this ill-mannered behavior comes from lack of learning adaab both in the home and at school.
    For boys I think this lack of learning adaab (from the greatest person to model good behavior the Prophet SAWS) leads to them being disrespectful to both other boys and men as well as women and girls. With women and girls such Muslim boys without proper adaab grow up to regard all females as sexual objects (doesn’t matter if she’s religious or not) whose opinions don’t matter and who will always be at fault for whatever harassment they face.
    Also in Muslim countries where alot of men are unmarried (mainly due to poverty)sexual harassment is a major problem. And such harassment has become such a problem that both women little girls are not spared unfortunately. That goes back to how economically unstable these countries are thanks to bad rulers…
    I once wrote an article generally talking about how to raise little boys with love and tenderness:

    http://www.suite101.com/content/little-boys-need-love-too-a218910

    My article is one addressing an issue generally affecting all people both Muslim and non-Muslim. To raise boys who grow up to be good men, we must start by showing them affection (much like the Prophet SAWS did towards his grandson). And for Muslims in particular, to raise righteous God-fearing men we must infuse the upbringing with Islamic morals and manners. I pray for Allah to help the Ummah to fully and completely return to the Right Path Ameen.

  20. Hadi says:

    This article can only be written by a woman. Not against everything you wrote, I agree with some points. But, the part about toughness I disagree. A male exhibiting toughness is not a haram attribute per say. I mean, what’s wrong with a male acting tough and by this I don’t mean beating his wife. He can show mercy like towards his wife and children and at the same time be tough, they’re not mutually exclusive. The traits of Omar ibn Khattab pop into mind. We need to raise our boys as real men not sissies.

    • Dieynaba says:

      Salam!

      Two things:

      1. Men can -and do- talk about being gentle and/or raising boys with love and tenderness. This issue has been addressed before by reknowned male scholars, such as Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. The Prophet peace be upon him) was the first to address it, so I really don’t think tenderness is a ‘female thing’.

      2. What is your definition of tough? To me, tough has a negative conotation to it, yours might be different.

      Also, this is a great article, very interesting, I’d like to thank sis. Yasmin for it!

    • OK_Mahbub says:

      I agree with Hadi. If those men where REAL MEN, they wouldn’t have just stood around afraid to act, when one of their sisters were being beaten up in public by a complete stranger.

    • Ismaeel Abeed says:

      Men are called upon at different times and at different stages to do different things.-This is why the Sira of the Prophet remains open to us together with Al Quran. Just like men should look toward Allah, The Prophet SAW and The Sahaba RA for knowing how to lead their lives so must the women look to the wives and the daughters and the First women in Islam to provide them with guidance. Far too many women are looking towards Oprah Winfrey and too many men looking at Eminem for living their lives.
      “The last of this community is only put right by the first of this community”-Imam Malik RA

  21. RCHOUDH says:

    @Dieynaba

    I understand that in Islam tenderness in men is considered to be a good trait, especially when we read about the way the Prophet (SAWS) and his companions were tender towards their wives and children. However the issue, as Sister Yasmin pointed out, is why present-day Muslim men don’t display such love and tenderness towards women and children. It goes back to many Muslims today being ignorant of and/or not practicing basic Islamic adaab (manners) and being deceived into thinking that “men are supposed to not display emotion”, “women are only good for child-bearing” and so forth. Unfortunately most Muslims don’t pay attention to present-day scholars, which causes them to remain ignorant of what Islam says regarding tenderness and affection in men.

    @Hadi
    If you mean being tough towards combating Kufr then I agree with you that that is required. Unfortunately being “tough” today also means combating everyone, including other Muslims. Because present-day Muslims share no strong bond with each other based on Islam but on other factors, like nationalism, tribalism, classism, racism, sexism, etc. alot of times the divisions cause them to fight and disrespect each other.

    So you’re right that being “tough” is not haraam per se. It’s in the way being tough is practiced today that is haraam, where Muslims combat each other (including their own wives and children) instead of combating the Kufr ideas and elements infiltrating their societies (BTW when I’m talking about combating Kufr I’m not talking about beating up innocent individuals who happen to not be Muslim we should never hate the people carrying Kufr beliefs just the beliefs themselves).

    • Dieynaba says:

      Salam,

      I did understand what the author discusses here- at least I think I did =)- and I agree with you, people don’t pay attention to any source of guidance these days.

      However, I was kind of intrigued by Hadi’s statements ‘This article can only be written by a woman'; ‘We need to raise our boys as real men not sissies’. So I was just wondering what did he mean by that.

      Actually, this question I can address to all my Muslim brothers: what is your definition of a real man? What is tough to you? I’d really like to know=)

      I hope I didn’t come across as rude or offensive, I wish he would clarify though.

      Wassalam

    • Ismaeel Abeed says:

      I like what you are saying , may Allah help us to make it so

  22. RCHOUDH says:

    Wa salaam,

    Good question I would also like to know!

  23. Ahmed says:

    Great piece as always Sr. Yasmin. I do hope my fellow males read this and take it to heart. I grew up with 4 cousin-sisters, so I have to admit, I am very protective and soft when it comes to the ladies in my life – so concerning that incident – I find that very shameful and distressing. I don’t get some guys these days who just think being macho and suave is all there is or whatever else they they do to impress girls.

    I think men or boys do have to have a certain strength on the outside, but at the same time, that shouldn’t put them out of touch with their more softer side that is only natural given that we are all human beings. I often read that women respect a man who can be emotional, be moved by certain things that maybe the general male population would feel embarrassed about.

    Lastly, I love that account of how the Prophet was affectionate – my own late father was very much so and I think he passed it on to me – I love embracing, kissing my loved ones, both those older and of course the little ones!

  24. Bushra says:

    jazakiAllah khairan for posting, I’m becoming your fan sister :)

  25. OK_Mahbub says:

    I ma a Bangladeshi and have been living in Bangladesh for the past 8 years, and it is sad to say that even tough the men here won’t stand around doing nothing if a women is harassed but out of sight of the public the general of men trend against women are horrendous.

    Everyday there will be a report of some women somewhere in the country who have been killed by her husband because she was unable to pay the full price of the dowry (a Hindu culture) to the husband.
    Reason: Muslim men (mostly middle class) have abandoned their Islamic values (due to leftist propaganda) and to satiate their lust for instant gratification have hamstrung the women.

    Nearly every day school girls are hanging themselves from the ceiling because they have been ostracized by the civil society, and couldn’t take the social pressure of being the VICTIM of eve-teasing.
    Reason: Muslim men (especially the lower income group) are addicted to the promiscuous and provocative entertainment shown in the cinema and cable t.v.(mostly local Dhallywood and Bollywood movies) and being brainwashed with their sicked interpretation of love and how to win it, employ these skills in the real world.

    There was once a time when women had their faces poured with acid because the women refused the advances of their male counterpart; but thankfully now this has been reduced due to the death-penalty imposed by the naive government for such crime. Now these sicked and secularized men just kill the women who disappoints them; afterall the punishment for both acid-throwing and murder are the same.

    The source of all these oppression against women is the secularization of the society and the the gradual de-Islamization of the education system. Bangladesh is ‘so secular’ that they have holidays for Christmas and Easter even tough Christians constitute around 1% of the population, while the bastion of secularism i.e. France, doesn’t have any holiday for Eid even tough 10% of its population is Muslim. Other Muslims from other countries can relate to the ironicity of the situation because 99% of Muslim countries are slavish followers of the alien ideology of secularism imposed by our colonial masters and sustained over the years by their puppet rulers.

    This is something I wrote on the matter: http://www.kabobfest.com/2011/02/the-last-arab-leftist.html

  26. RCHOUDH says:

    @OK Mahbub

    Assalamu alaikum brother I too am Bangladeshi and as a woman I agree with everything you say. Jazakallah for making the problem (secularism) and the solution (Islam) clear!

  27. Yahya says:

    Assalam o alaikum, I would like to say, we should give solution for our problems.Spread awareness with your full potentials to remove the evils of society with the thinking that Islam is the most ultra way of life.

  28. Supernova says:

    Assalam mualaikum : i want to share Some hadith and opinions
    “The world is really a prison for the believers and it is the paradise for the disbelievers”.

    “Love of the world is the root of all evil.”

    “Whoever desires the harvest of the life to come, We increase his harvest. And whoever desires only the harvest of this world, We give him something thereof, but He will have no share in the life to come.” (Quran 42:20)

    Allah swt (Praise and Glory for He is The Mightiest and

    The Most Forgiving ) has said through from Hadith qudsi :

    “The path to Jannah is filled with hardship and Tears While

    The path to Hellfire is filled with Lust and desire for

    this world”

    Being a man does not mean only strong in physical but he must have a strong and a gentle heart.additionally he must know on how distinguishing between right or wrong and able to control himself plus even if he is in the state of anger .

    In this article , the Muslim did only watch ,but it might be they thinking if they interrupts during the middle of fight , it
    may stop them but it can be that they not understand about
    the situation or rather they think if they helped the girl it will not totally solve the problem but it might cause another.

    The Prophet Muhammad saw (May Allah pleased with him and may his sins will be forgiven) says:” A great man cannot been judge by his strong body but by his control of himself from anger.”

    If you see the live of Muhammad SAW and other prophets on

    dealings against

    the unbelievers ,they uses his voice first rather than

    through force.

    No men or women is perfect but we strife to perfectness.

    if you see the world , almost every body say the world is

    affected by the Christians,Catholics and Other Religion

    ,however they must also seen the rest

    including their societies ,families ,children and

    himself/herself.

    And as for:
    Some husband might hit his wife due to several reason,but it should be suggested that he must control him self.

    in some cases a wife have committed an action but it was forbidden by the husband and she do it plus ignored the dangerous possibilities that might happen to her while her husband knows and she doesn’t.In several condition ,it may affect their status ,their children , affection and emotion.And how both of the husband and the wife must carry the burden and shame.

    And of course that will make the husband angry and try to avoid that .

    One of the cause of divorce is misunderstanding

    One of the things that Allah hate is divorce

    Sorry those statement above is a little bit complicated and unorganized.

    but as a last piece of advice : In this world we must be careful and observe as we speak ,act, and behave towards others even during doing good deeds .no matter what we do , it always been follow by a sin.

    There are many teachings in Islam ,science and technology even the world to Universe .search them for those who want to deepens their understanding and knowledge in Islam and others through books ,internet as well as students.

    May Allah be with us all and guide us with his Mercy always.

  29. Ismaeel Abeed says:

    Hmm just a point of correction on your post- “the Believer should ACT against things that are not liked by Allah SWT,if he is unable to do that he should speak out against it, and if he cannot do that , he should dislike it from the bottom of his heart”

  30. Ahmed says:

    It’s sad but not unexpected that a few brothers would continue on with their facade of being hard even after reading this article. One even tried to blame abuse on the women saying that they “go out too much”. Muslim men try to blame a lot of their problems on women. This article, even though it’s great, barely scratches the surface and is ineffective against heedless Muslim men. Most of us have no idea about proper Islamic etiquette, speech, and behavior towards women (apart from the superficial or obvious).

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