“Sisters are Slipping”


The Question:

Asalamu Alaykum Br. Suhaib,

I had a question. I don’t know if this is only happening in my community, but apparently there’s this new trend in wearing hijab inappropriately – now I’m not talking about not wearing abayah or something like that. I’m talking about showing the bangs on a daily basis, if not more than just the bangs. This is obviously in addition to makeup and clothing that, in my opinion, is usually not really meeting the hijab requirements. But that’s a whole other story.

Anyway, there’s two new trends now – showing bangs or up to 1/3 of the hair sometimes, and, secondly, wearing 3/4 sleeves or wearing long sleeves but constantly rolling them up. What saddens me about this is not only is it wrong, but the people who are doing it are people  who: a) did not used to do that before, b) sometimes doing it out of carelessness, sometimes on purpose, and c) leaders for younger girls  in our community, and they are very much aware of the hijab requirements and are not ignorant of the deen.

I am their friend, and lately I’ve been trying to mention this in an indirect manner in various ways, but I always get the “ya, that’s true” reaction , and then no result. I wanted to see what advice you had for me, what can I do? And I mean anything other than speaking to them directly, because I know that that’s obviously one thing I can do, but it’s such a sensitive issue, I know it, so I first wanted to see if there’s any other good ways? Any good articles, videos, etc? What can I do?

Also, another issue w/this is that if you DO mention something about hijab, whether directly or indirectly, I many times get the answer/reaction of “why do people focus on hijab, on the outside so much, there’s much bigger problems going on in our religion” or “look at Saudi Arabia and all the problems it has – they keep focusing on women covering, women covering, but then look at all the fasaad that’s happening over there. That’s what you get when you lose perspective and priorities are such out of place and the focus is only on the superficial things.”

What can I do?

The Answer:

Wa ‘alaykum al-Salam ya sister

May Allah grant us the strength to see what our desires don’t want us to, transcendence above the murky cloudiness of what lies in our hearts and a light to see the truth and love it, even if bitter. You are asking one who is more in need of your advice, then you are of his. It is only by Allah’s mercy that when we sin, not only does He forgive, but He hides our evil.

Your concern is the concern of the prophets, reformers and those who loved Allah. There is no separation from spirituality and practice. One cannot claim to be spiritually sound and not observe, as best as he/she can, the orders of Allah. Both are cut from the same cloth and their likeness is like that of a match and flame, neither can survive independent of the other. The Prophet [sa] said, “In the body there is a piece of flesh, if it is sound, the entire body is sound, and if it is corrupted, the entire body is corrupted. Indeed, it is the heart!” [a sound hadith related by al-Bukhari from al-N’uman bin Bashir].

For that reason, may Allah have mercy upon you, the problem we are facing is one of faith. When the faith is weak, practice is weak. For that reason, we must focus on our relationship with Allah, cultivate it and nurture it. Faith is a dangerous enterprise because very few people, including myself, are willing to be firm upon themselves when auditing their souls. For that reason, I encourage you to engage these sisters, individually if possible, in faith filled moments. Prepare short talks for them about the reality of this life, the Hereafter and what our purposes are in this life. Take them on nature hikes, see the creation of Allah and work to bring them in touch with their purpose. A great idea is to watch nature videos. They are some of the best ways to teach faith to others. Then, pray Qiyam and remind each other about Allah, about this life and the noble legacy of Muslim women. You are, all of you, walking in the steps of ‘Aiesha, basking in the light of Fatimah and struggling with your faith like Um Salamah. In addition, pray for them and be there for them. One cannot be a caller if she is lost in the call and for gets those she is calling. You must sincerely care and love these sisters. If not, your words will be like blessed rain that falls on rocks.

After some time, as the faith begins to increase find the right moment to address this issue and teach our sisters the fiqh of dress. When one says, “Why are you talking about Hijab and not such and such thing” remind them that Hijab is an individual obligation that each and every woman will be asked about. Thus, the first priority is one’s soul and salvation. Allah says, “Save yourselves and your families from the fire.” Thus, we should not be tricked by visions of grandeur, forgetting our own responsibility with Allah. The Prophet [as] said, “Ever soul awakens as a seller for itself; destroying it or saving it.”

We are here for you and more than willing to stay in contact with you. You be strong, face this challenge with faith and remember, “Islam started as something strange and it will return to strangeness. So give glad tiding to the strangers.”

Allah knows best
Suhaib

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31 Comments

  1. SaqibSaab says:

    Faith is a dangerous enterprise because very few people, including myself, are willing to be firm upon themselves when auditing their souls.

    :) . JazakAllah khair.

  2. Abu Majeed says:

    Salamu alaikum,

    Great minds think alike! A couple years ago I was blessed to have a conversation with the famed da’ee/thinker Tariq Sweydan. He helped me to understand the issue of how the modern practicing Muslim thinks about Da’wa as opposed to how did the Prophet (saws) did. Through his studies over the years (which includes reading over 200 books on seerah) he came to the same conclusion that Shaikh Suhaib has. He gave me an example similar to this.

    One time he visited Jeddah and they invited him to give a lesson toa group of young men and women. Before the lecture a knowledgable concerned brother similar to the one asking Suhaib said, make an emphasis on Hijaab because… Tariq said OK insha Allah I will say something to help them.

    Then Dr. Tariq gave a half hour talk on the miracles of the Qur’an focusing on science and linguistics. After the talk, the brother and a couple of his friends were upset that Dr. Tariq didn’t mention the Hijaab. He informed them that everyone knows that Hijaab is from Islam and whether they know the conditions or not they know modest dress from provocative dress. So it is nothing knew to them. The issue they have is in their hearts. Their Iman is weak. A week later the brother called Dr. Tariq to inform him that two of the 10 young ladies that listened to the talk started wearing the Hijaab officially. We here similar stories about the great da’ee Amr Khalid.

  3. Miriam says:

    MashaALLAH

    Ya Sheikh, your answers always makes me think twise about the way i live my life, and the actions i make.

    BarakaALLAHo fik, may ALLAH reward you and your family, our dear brother Suhaib.

    Miriam.

  4. Akhi says:

    MashAllah great advice, it’s very true when faith is weak, practice is weak.

    As sisters have issues with the hijab, brothers have issue with the beard.

    May Allah (swt) make it easy for us, and keep us staedfast on his deen, ameen.

  5. Nourradiance says:

    Assalamu’alaykum Brothers and Sisters,

    MashaAllah our brother advice is so true, as it is based on patience in calling to Iman and prayer for our fellow Muslims. I’d just like to add a little suggestion to the solution. Wearing hijab is a big challenge for any woman in any society, because we have this great God-given desire to beautify ourselves. Therefore, I’d suggest having regular all-girls parties where women get the chance to dress up to satisfy their feminine cravings. Otherwise some girls’ lives are restricted to hijab, when outside, and pajama-style clothes or simply dressing down when at home. As a result, they feel the pressure to look beautiful for someone else other than themselves once in a while. Of course a strong Iman will surpass any of these cravings, but the majority of us are just sheeps in need of a shepherd. Allahu ‘alim.

  6. Farah says:

    Us salaam alaikum wa rehmathullah.

    Mashallah this was a beautiful answer to a very important question. I had always wondered how to approach my friends and family who fall in this category, this was very helpful. Jazakallah khair, May Allah bless you and your family.

  7. Matin says:

    salams, just a couple of thoughts…From what I have seen in my community is many muslim sisters who in young age have a strong passion for islam and following it correctly without proper knowledge and fully understanding “why”. They begin wearing hijab, attending lectures, community events, etc. After some time eeman fluctuates, tests of life begins and from what I have seen in my community taking sisters for example, the bangs start coming out, the hijab starts loosening up and slowly recedes until its hanging from a small hook from the back of the head. Soon after the same sister who years earlier was strong with her faith and religion, has now slowly taken off her hijab. This is something very common. So basically in my opinion, this is all stems from lack of knowledge, weak faith and a lack of patience. For example, a sister who wears hijab who is having a hard time getting married, she may give up and start seeing the hijab as a crutch and may take it off hoping that life will be easier without it. I know this is a very touchy subject and brothers are having same issues so this is a common problem between both sexes. May Allah (swt) guide us all and keep us with strong eeman our entire lives and allow us to pass all of His tests and trials.

    Matin

  8. UM-ABDELRAHMAN MURPHY says:

    اللهم اهدي بنات و ابناء المسلمين الي ما يحب و يرضي

  9. UM-ABDELRAHMAN MURPHY says:

    MAY ALLAH SUBHANAHU- WA- TAALLA GUIDE THE MUSLIM YOUTH TO WHAT PLEASES HIM SUBHANAHU

  10. MR says:

    Faith: Just get it!

  11. Azeem says:

    Isn’t there leeway on the issue of exposed forearms?

  12. Megan says:

    Bismillah

    Masha’Allah…this was well written, and what I liked the most about it was the tone. Its gentle. Balanced. More than anything, we often forget gentleness with these issues. The idea of talks and activities simply to raise iman is right on!! jazakum Allahu Khairan ya shaykh.

  13. a sister says:

    as salaamu alaykum,

    I’ve struggled with this issue a lot with people who are very close to me, of wanting to say something, or to advise them in some way but not knowing the right approach… it’s a very sensitive issue and it’s easy to just end up hurting the person’s feelings or make them feel like they’re being judged…

    I completely agree with your response… but it is hard! especially for people whom you know ‘know better’… to get to the root of the problem, and to help nourish a person’s iman and their relationship with Allah, as opposed to just making a comment or one-time ‘naseeha’ about someone’s improper dress.

    definitely good food for thought… jazak Allahu khayraa for the response!

    salaam

  14. Angie says:

    barak Allahu fik

  15. Victoria says:

    Assalamu Alaikum,

    If I may shed a little light. It’s funny my husband and I just had this conversation yesterday. I’m so happy that you’ve brought this up in an effort to see how to address it.

    The issues are much deeper than hijab itself. From what I’ve witnessed sisters who are removing hijabs (and I know quite a few) are most often doing it from the suffering from lack of the men (leaders of our community) adhering to their deen. Consequently no one seems to be as eager to address or call this out as they are a sister removing a hijab.

    Abusive marriages, in-laws, husbands staring at other naked women while wanting them to cover, husbands leaving their wives and children for other women (and not supporting them at all so they are depending on others/government support to survive), difficulty remarrying etc…

    Sometimes they start questioning things that they thought they knew before. Like “isn’t Islam supposed to protect the women but why am I suffering more at the hands of Muslims?” Eventually (and it may take years) the suffering takes a toll. Removing the hijab is just one sign of how “we” as a community are not holding up to our end and trying to look out for struggling sisters.

    And yes they know logically that they are responsible and accountable to Allah (swt) but emotionally and psychologically right now they are reacting to the suffering (alone). You mentioned righteous women (Aiesha, Umm Salamah, and Fatima (ra)) and they would just argue that look at the leadership and the support of the community they had also. You are comparing apples and oranges. If we had the same type of community now, then there wouldn’t be this issue. Believe me, these sisters are not completely ignorant of their deen, they are struggling emotionally because of the harshness from Muslims and that is throwing them for a loop. The blog posts title is “Sisters are Slipping” is evident of how the community is singling this as a “sisters’ issue. It’s not that “sisters are slipping, we as a community have failed the sisters.”

    May Allah guide us and protect us all.

  16. Sister says:

    Assalamualaikum
    I dig Victoria’s comment.

    It was enough for me that you brought up this issue with such honesty and sincerity.

  17. Suhaib Webb says:

    Asalamu alaykum,

    Victoria:

    While I certainly empathize with some of the things you’ve said, I differ with you on a number of points. However, before we engage this discussion, I think it is only fair to come to terms with what we mean by community? Whose responsibility this is and who are we talking about when we say leaders. Finally, and not to be over defensive, the title reflects a larger set of questions asked by the questioner who is a woman. We have tried, in the past, and I hope you will search our site, to deal with articles that address men as well. We are merely trying to point out problems, offer a few solutions and leave the rest to you, the readers. I appreciate your feedback, but hope we can move towards a more individual idea of responsibility in dealing with our relationship with God. I feel that is better then just blaming the men, the men, and the men. I fail to see that contention as a realistic answer to the problem.

    SDW

  18. UM-ABDELRAHMAN MURPHY says:

    Asalam Alaikum wa rahmat Allah wa Barakatu

    I agree with the concept that one should take ownership of his relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala and have love and pride for it. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala guide us to the right path.

  19. Victoria says:

    Assalamu Alaikum Shaykh,

    Absolutely. Just to be a clear, I was not saying that the solution is to blame anyone but rather to understand the root of the problem so that we can work on a solution. I totally agree with your response to the sister’s questions and feel it is excellent advice. I responded because these questions always come up as to why this is happening and what we can do. Please do not think it was an attack on you or anyone else–just information as it comes to me when I speak to sisters about this issue.

    We are all at different points in our deen and we all have weak points and we are witnessing a lot of sisters who are at weaker points than others. As you put it their iman is weak so their practice is weak. It’s important to stay close to them and not ostracize them or backbite as I’ve seen so many people do and it saddens me because it only perpetuates the problem and accentuates the reasons that they are giving.

    I pray for them constantly as it is difficult to address these issues. I remind them of what they already know and are constantly being reminded of. Alhamdulillah what I can say is that most of the ones I know are mindful and are struggling and seriously praying to Allah to guide them and help them out of this situation and many of them do not intend for it to be permanent.

    Subhanallah at one point some of these sisters were writing and speaking to others just as beautifully as your (Shaykh) response was to the sister. It was wake up call even to themselves that they and none of us are immune to the tests and struggles and we all have to wonder how we will hold up during such tests. I can only pray that Allah protects us and that we try as we might to hold tight the rope of Allah in any adversity.

    Although I’m not personally having these issues (Alhamdulillah) I’ve learned a great deal from this situation. I am also very fortunate and grateful to have a wondeful husband who helps me when I’m weaker and keeps me in line and reminded of exactly what you mentioned.

    btw Someone just sent this link to me today so I was not aware of your blog before this morning.

    Jazakallah Khair for all of your hard work.

  20. Victoria says:

    Oops I forgot to mention one thing. I’m a little confused and maybe someone can clarify. We keep speaking about how the issue of hijab is an individual responsibility and granted it is true. But what about the solution?

    If it affects all of us then how is the solution to only focus on the individual responsibility? I think I misunderstood something. It’s too easy to say “well it’s my individual issue so let me deal with it invidually”

  21. ZK says:

    Assalamu alaikum,

    Victoria, I’m not a sister and I’m not claiming to have “the solution”, since of course, there is no ONE solution to any problem. However, I’ve observed that a really big problem in the American Muslim community is the lack of female Muslim scholars/institutions. I can speak for my personal experience, and the experiences of many of my close friends when I stress the importance of scholars and positive role models. Alhumdulillah, the brothers are blessed because we have role models in scholars and sincere activists that we can personally spend time, those that provide us an example of holding true to the deen while not losing the good of the American culture.

    Even though the sisters can benefit from these (male) scholars as well, they aren’t always able to interact with them on such a level that changes and inspires their lives. I personally have phone numbers of almost half a dozen scholars on my cell phone that I can call if I need something, alhumdulillah. The sisters, as well as a lot of brothers, don’t have that opportunity. That is why I believe it is imperative that a few sisters step up to the plate and provide the necessary crutches for the sisters in America to walk on.

    I’m not going to say that by having these sisters, that were born and raised in America and have a solid background in the deen, will solve all of our problems, but I will go out on a limb and say that it will drastically improve the condition of the sisters in America.

    That’s just my 2 cents and since we’ve had a lot of sisters on this site blast the brothers for all the problems of the Ummah (ha), I felt I should bring some food for thought to the table.

  22. Victoria says:

    Yes we do have very few female scholars/role models here and this is a real issue. Sometimes it is very difficult to explain certain issues because we say one thing and sometimes it takes several passes for a brother to understand what we are saying. It’s like the Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus issue.

    The brothers are assuming that sisters are “blaming” them and sisters feel the same way when whenever something happens these topics of what “sisters are doing” blow up everywhere (in lectures, khutbahs, articles, forums etc…) I see and hear more of these issues than I do of the problems that are arising with divorced sisters trying to remarry or domestic violence or infidelity. We hear criticism about sisters delaying marriage for education, but less criticism of the reasons sisters are doing it in the first place.

    We all know that there is a serious double standard in our society when it comes to men and women. Unfortunately this double standard is affecting the Ummah and if we don’t have scholars/role models to address these issues with sisters, you will see them fall off a little.

    We are constantly reminded to obey our husbands and of the degree that Allah has given men over women but when we say ok brothers are slipping in the role that has been given to them….then all the brothers get offended and say don’t blame us?

    Of course this is not blaming everyone sisters or brothers, but if brothers are not willing to take at least a little responsibility then its obvious that we are going to continue to have these issues and more. If you feel that these posts blast the brothers, imagine how the sisters feel when they are constantly being blasted for all of the things they are not doing or doing incorrectly and then not personally having someone to get advice from.

    I’m not a feminist but I do sympathize because I too, feel the double and the standard and moreso since I became Muslim than I did before accepting Islam. Islam doesn’t teach this but unfortunately this is how Muslims are behaving.

    Just like in the Women’s Liberation movement, women reacted to the attitude of superiority that men had against women. Now we see sisters doing the same thing because of this double standard and whether men accept it or not women will not react unless there is a cause. Now the solution is for more women to step up, and continue to have children, to be better wives and mothers and now to become scholars for the community.

  23. ZK says:

    Assalamu alaykum Sr. Victoria,

    First of all, I’d like to apologize if my last comment came out as condescending or demeaning to the sisters; this was not my intent at all.

    I completely agree with you that sometimes we as a community lose perspective on what we need to be prioritizing. There are definitely graver issues in the communities, such as sisters remarrying and domestic violence, than sisters struggling with Hijab. Some lectures, articles, forums, and such do blow it out of proportion but, on the defense of this article, this article was merely suggestions that Imam Suhaib gave to the sister who asked a question.

    “We are constantly reminded to obey our husbands and of the degree that Allah has given men over women but when we say ok brothers are slipping in the role that has been given to them….then all the brothers get offended and say don’t blame us?”

    I think since you just started visiting this blog, you’re unaware of the numerous articles and comments on this blog which admonished and sometimes bashed the brothers about this topic. Use the search box on the website and search for these two in particular:

    1. A Few Good Men: American Muslim women bemoan
    2. “The brothers are intimidated by you”

    If you read those posts and read the comments, you will see why some brothers get a little sensitive about this topic. Some sisters have painted a broad brush on the brothers that they are all irresponsible (we’re all like Homer Simpson…) I was just trying to make a point that there are some amazing brothers out there who are holding on to their deen and take their responsibility very seriously.

    Enough of this blaming game. I’d like to clear up a few things from my last comment. I don’t know if you were being sarcastic when you said this: “Now the solution is for more women to step up, and continue to have children, to be better wives and mothers and now to become scholars for the community.” I did not mean to say that sisters need to “become scholars for the community”, I was simply saying that by having female scholars, we would able to address the problem that you pointed out earlier in your comment: “imagine how the sisters feel when they are constantly being blasted for all of the things they are not doing or doing incorrectly and then not personally having someone to get advice from.”

    Again, my last comment was not aimed at demeaning the sisters or anything, but I was simply offering my opinion on what could help the situation with the sisters.

    Please forgive me if I said anything offensive.

    ZK

  24. Victoria says:

    Of course brother. I didn’t take your comments as condescending at all nor the others. I do realize that there are many amazing brothers and sisters and I’m not personally blaming or attacking anyone.

    I think my first comment was taken as if I was blaming men (and of course my responses were defensive after that) but I was merely relating what has been communicated to me in hopes that we could work on a solution and address it from their standpoint. I never stated that these were my views personally or anything about this blog or anyone’s elses blog for that matter.

    I learned a lot from the way I first reacted to seeing the first of my friends without hijab and I just don’t want anyone else to react the way that I did. Although my frustration is warranted, my reaction needed some work. Unfortunately I’ve had way too many opportunities to correct it and try to be patient and work on them with their issues (even if I don’t agree with their rationale). I hope that is clear and ask for everyone’s forgiveness for any misunderstanding.

    By the way Beautiful Khutbah today Shaykh.

  25. Victoria says:

    Just to give my personal opinion, I can’t think of any acceptable non-life threatening excuses for purposely disobeying Allah (swt). But even if I disagree I’m willing to listen and see what I can do to help and insh’allah help them return to Allah without me seemingly preaching to them.

  26. SH says:

    assalam `alaykum

    Jazakum Allahu khayran, its very interesting to read all this.
    I totally agree with the article and the comments to some extent. I too dont understand why sisters do the simple things such as showing off some hair, or even tying back their hijab and showing off their neck, ears, and some cleavage too.

    When it comes to the points Sr Victoria brought up, I hope the authors on this blog don’t mind that I post this up, but a similar article was written that addressed the points made by the comments on this blog. A very good read as well:

    Convertible Hijabi? Or Struggling Sister?

    Jazakum Allahu khayran

  27. Hijab says:

    So true …Not wearing Hijab is lack of Iman and for some its lack of knowledge.
    I went through wearing Hijab to taking it for granted. I started wearing it improperly and at one point, I took it off. Alhamdullah am back to my Hijab and I learned my lessons. I feel ashamed mostly when I think of my life without hijab( completely ashamed).Its the one thing I regret in my life.

    All I can say to my dear sisters out there is that Hijab is for us. It’s not for anyone except for “yourself” Allah swt asked us to wear it and the reason is because we need it, it’s our shield.

    I look back and regret the 2 years a walked around without one.( There is no excuse for my actions and I feel ashamed about it).But I also learned a big lesson. I have experienced the difference between wearing one and not wearing one. All I can say to my dear sisters with or without Hijab. Let’s all pray to Allah swt to keep us strong in our deen and let’s try our best not to disobey the commands of Allah and keep that Hijab on.

    I sometimes used to ask, “how come they always talk about Hijab? ”. Or “why is it that all they notice is my not wearing Hijab?”. The truth is sisters out there. Hijab is very important in our lives, life without Hijab is a tough road, and to have someone out there who cares enough to remind us to wear one is a blessing from none other than Allah swt. So let’s say Alhamdullilah.

    In addition, Hijab happens to be one of the acts that are mostly visible about women. For example, it is very hard to know if a woman is neglecting her salah or her fasting since for us women we all have excuses. Where Allah swt made it permissible for us to skip some of the acts of worship. Hijab being the one thing that is mostly visible then it is obvious that everyone out there who understands that it is wrong not to wear one will obviously talk about it and remind us the importance.

    Am not trying to insult any of my sisters without Hijab.Am just trying to say it is a fact and we all know as sisters that Hijabs definitely not only protects us from men lust but it also stops us from doing things that might be harmful to us. One sister told me the other day. “I wanted to go to such and such a show but see I can’t coz am Hijabi”. Another convert sister mentioned one day that she tried for a long time to quit smoking and was not successful until after she converted to Islam and she adds by saying. “Can you picture me in Hijab smoking?”. (She actually said this in gathering where she was a guest speaker ;( I prefer not to mention her name).But Its very obvious to us, that there are so many things we end up avoiding because of our Hijab.Hijab is not just the covering but its a package that not only includes our identity but also it shield us from so many things out there that might cause some harm to US.

    Any sister who might read this comment who does not wear Hijab please don’t take it as offense am just saying in my opinion I did realize the difference is Huge when it comes to wearing Hijab and when not wearing one. Few sisters might agree and few might not. No offense. I personally have some friends and family who don’t wear one and I love them as much. I do pray though for Allah swt to make them realize how important it is for them to wear one inshallah.

    I could be wrong but one thing that makes sisters who know how important Hijab is and yet still don’t wear it or try to add or subtract from full Hijab. Eg covering the hair and leaving out a part of the ears and neck just to show off those Hearings, or covering the head properly but wear a long sleeve tight top with tight jeans. It’s mostly because these sisters might be thinking that in Hijab they are less beautiful. I felt the same way and honestly its one of the reason I started to wear less and less until I took it off. One sister a good friend of mine told me she feels like Hijab makes her look ugly; she would love to wear one but just scared that she might not be that attractive. Yet she looks at me and tells me “I love how you dressed”. Yet I was wearing Hijab.

    Therefore, I think some sisters need to realize they look beautiful in Hijab as well. The teaching is cover up you can mix and match the colors if you want as long as it is not too tight and as long as you are not leaving some part open. On the other hand, something is better than nothing. Try your best. If you cannot wear it every day but can wear it to the masgid, then go to the masgid more often or to Muslim gatherings where it feels comfortable to wear one and wear it and inshallah before you know as long as you also keep praying harder to Allah swt and put your Nia to being a Hijabi then inshallah you will get to that point. Where you would have your hijab by your bedside when you go to sleep. Ready incase of emergency where you might be forced to run out of the house.

    As for the professional sisters. My father once told me after I told him its hard for me to get a job with Hijab on. “With or without Hijab nothing will stop you from getting something that Allah swt meant for you”. And wallahi my first job interview I was wearing a hijab one sister a friend of mine applied for the same company before and they never accepted her. She told me you will not be hired with your hijab. But I did with my full Hijab. The sad part is well working there, I took it off afterward and my coworkers used to ask me “what happened to your covering I thought you said it’s for your religion”. I guess sisters what am trying to say is let us not make Hijab the excuse. Yes it not easy out there but let us be realistic. It dint happen because it was not meant to happen.(as the sheikh mentions our Eman should be stronger) I once watched a TV interview about the book THE FACE BEHIND THE VEIL BY DONNA GEHRKE. One of the sisters in the book named Areej mentions how tough it was to find a job with hijab but eventually not only did she find one but she found the best and got more than she wanted. Is it possible that Allah swt was saving her for the one she ended up getting which she explains was better than even any other she applied for before ?

    Some sisters also do not wear it or wear it halfway because they think this is the only way to find a husband or keep the current husband around (and yes its sad cause there are also brother who prefer sisters without one). Sisters the last thing you need is a husband who wants you or is okay with you breaking the commands of Allah swt. Showing off your body to someone for them to notice you or appreciate you is the one thing we should all pray against. May Allah swt protect us . Ask yourself “so its my looks ” what if my looks change ? What if I gained extra pounds or loose my hair or get older”. Most of the times when a man chooses you for your looks he might actually leave you for another one incase he finds a better looking one. Go out today and ask any male family or friend that you know and see if it true or not.

    Wallahi I cannot measure the respect that comes with Hijab .Yes sisters I do have friends and family Muslim and none Muslim who actually started to treat me with much more respect compared to when I was not wearing it. So lets not forget that privilege either.

    I also used to make excuses of “I can’t find proper hijab in stores” but guess what I find them everywhere: Jcpenny .Macys, forever 21 you name it. The stores are filled with long skirts without slit or long sleeved shirts/jackets/sweaters all the way to my knees wallahi.very baggy pants and long dresses and I realized when my nia was so into finding hijab; every where I turned I could see one.

    I pray to Allah swt for all my sisters to keep wearing Hijab or start wearing one inshallah. And am saying this because I have experienced the difference. I do love them sincerely with Hijab or without Hijab.And yes I agree its not that easy out there but I just hope for those who do not realize how good it feels to wear one would one day get to that point inshallah before it is too late and inshallah when you get to that point trust me the discrimination out there would never get to you. Never

    Note: parents its your responsibility to teach your daughters at earlier stage to wear one. Also, Hijab has no age qualification. Some parents I noticed do not reinforce it saying “she is barely 16 am waiting until she turns 18”.Hijab is compulsory once the girls body starts to undergo puberty changes.

    And for the brother out there instead of “you are my wife you have to wear hijab’ try “my dearest I really care about you but I would be even happier if you wear hijab outside the house. It is for your safety please. I cannot help to feel bad when you are out there without one. Please do it for the sake for Allah swt not for me”. See how that works out. Inshallah.

    Most of all let not be critical of our sisters who are not wearing one or wearing halfway. There are so many sisters out there who would love to wear one but do not have the courage to do so yet. Inshallah We should always keep then in our dua..

    May Allah SWT have mercy on all of us. Ameen

  28. Imaan says:

    Salam

    I have a question that I wanted to ask Br. Suhaib and the other readers of this blog. I wanted to register and start a new topic on this. However, I am unable to do so, as the website does not permit it. Without, hesitation I wanted to know what Br. Suhaib would suggest one should do when they are dealing with a 14 year old teenage girl, who is currently rebelling against her parents and older siblings. I am very concerned about my sister and I am at the end of my tether and am currently running out of solutions of making her see the error of her ways. I am not sure if posting in this thread is appropriate, but I was hoping to ask the Br. via email if possible.

    I await your responses as to what the correct protocols are as I am new to this website!

    Jazak allah

  29. Abu Layla says:

    I think the ‘internal hijab of basic haya’ and modesty needs to be emphasized a lot more than the physical hijab. (No, I’m not saying don’t encourage sisters from wearing the hijab!).

    This goes for both genders. Many a time there are ‘hijabi’ or bearded brothers without this ‘inner hijab’ of haya’ and modesty between each other. Sadly, this is more of a problem amongst those who want to practice the deen. The name is deen and the deed is shahwa.

  30. UmmAbdullah says:

    Assalamu Alaikum:

    One think that this brings to mind is that people discount the abuse hijab wearing women get in the States. I’ve been yelled at–even while pregnant and walking with my 3 year old. I’ve had people yell at me out their car window–telling me to go back to where I came from. Granted this is the South–where people tend to be a bit more Islamophobic–but it has happened. It’s bad enough to be threatened oneself-it raises it 1000x times when one has young innocent children with them.

    Muslim women carry the burden of being publicly Muslim–while Muslim men, more often than not, wear Western clothes and “fit in.”

    So, it’s normal to want to try and fit in just a bit… to appear “less extreme.” And yes, when it’s 100 degrees outside, it is tempting to push up one’s long sleeves or go for capri pants over full-length–especially if one’s standing next to their husband who is in a t-shirt and shorts, complaining about the heat.

    I would like to say, be gentle on those sisters–because, to the World, they are visibly Muslim. I was on the subway in DC, and there was a young sister on the subway wearing short-sleeves and a hijab. At first, I thought…”What? Why is she doing that?? She should have long sleeves on.” Then I realized that nobody on the train saw the short sleeves. They saw the hijab. The scarf that said to the world that she was a Muslim. That’s all the world, especially in the States, sees if a woman has bangs showing… or pushes up her sleeves a bit as well. Those are invisible to non-Muslims. She’s still dressed 10000x more modest than any American. She’s still, quite publicly a Muslim woman in a very very hostile environment. So rather than criticizing her, applaud her for her conviction of faith. he gets enough crap from the outside world. I’ve seen girls who did grow up wearing hijab, proudly… stop… after some “well-meaning” brother or sister told them that their hijab wasn’t perfect enough. They figured, why should I bother?

    My advice… applaud any effort of any person to be visibly Muslim. Let Allah(swt) work on her from the inside if Allah(swt) thinks her sleeves should be longer.

    Peace.

  31. iman says:

    Wearing the proper hijab normally is the result of being fully convinced of the fact that Islam is the correct path and of being totally devoted to Allah and his deen.
    Once you start loving you deen, you will make all efforts not to betray it. you will take Allah’s commands seriously because you want to achieve his bounties and mercy.

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