Anywho…here is a poem I wrote after talking to multiple people who have gotten divorces because they didnt take the time to get know the person…rather they jumped into the marriage filled with the wrong expectations.

It all started, one day in september
and now Im thinking…will he remember?
Will he remember the day that we met?
or on this day, that we separate, will he forget.

I walked into the living room and with a loud voice I said
Assalamu Alaykum! Its time to be fed!
The brother jumped back–not sure what to think
is this the same sister who when I spoke turned pink?
The times have changed, and so have I
“No more mr. nice guy…or gal”, I sigh…

He walked behind me, angrily, all the way to the kitchen
Where are the eggs, he demanded…did I look like a hen?
He wanted me to feed him and take his suggestions as well?
Who did he think I was…ahh this marriage has been swell.

Id rather be at work, than at home all the time
I beg relentlessly, hoping a job will be mine
Women stay at home, he snaps–that is his stance
He never wants to discuss–never gives me a chance!

Between tears I mumble– what did I do
I should have asked you questions before I married you!
You didnt know me, and I surely didnt know you
But what possessed me that day–to say “I do”???

I forgot istikhara—musta slipped my mind
and ignored all the information that my friends did find
“He isnt who you think he is–I promise you’ll regret”
Now in this living room today, my friends are winning the bet!

He thought I was calm–obedient–and serene
But now he knows, Im the craziest thing he’s ever seen!
I wanted someone hip–lenient and kind
but today I sit with a man who is losing his mind!

“Im trusting in Allah” I assured myself not so long ago
But I forgot to tie my camel…although everyone told me so
Now I sit with consequences of my decision made in haste
these few months–have been nothing but waste!

If I could turn back time, I would never do this again
I was woman marrying a male who isnt of the men!

Today I walk out the doors, all covered dust
When he gets married again, clean she must!
I wont come back, not for another day
all this and its only been nine months…September to May.

Marriage is a job and some muslims do not want to work hard at perfecting it. We must pray and put in the effort as well to achieve a successful marriage.

i read all your comments and it’s all pretty much true. it boils down to not implementing islam and not having a marriage based on the guidelines of islam. our deen if perfect and if we would just follow it, we would be in a much better state.

from experience, i can say that the woman’s career is a big deal. if she sacrifices family for career, then it’s pretty much a downward spiral. i made the mistake of expecting my husband to cook when i come home late. again, goes back to not clarifying expectations before marraige.
another issue is children, one wanting children the other not being ready. and then how to raise them.
husband not adhering to islamic laws- not lowering his gaze, intermingling with females (”oh, but they are my cousins” – as if they are mahram), watching movies with half naked women (bollywood, anyone?)

really, if we just lay down everything before taking the plunge it would save us from a lot of distress. deen and akhlaq, most important.

Woman are now working and are educated, so if she doesn’t like something she will not stick at the marriage if say her husband was cheating on her….she can support herself.

Some marry just to please their parents choice of partner. They give it time and call it off as one of them really wanted to marry someone else but wasn’t allowed maybe “wrong caste or ethnic group”.

Most are marrying their own choices, but even this is ending in split. The person they knew before marriage wasn’t what they want after marriage and try changing them and ends in conflict.

Extended family can also be a result especially if you are still living with the in-laws. The couple don’t have privacy and the girl is expected to cook, clean for all and it’s something she doesn’t want to do.

People have become too materialistic. They now marry a spouse chosen on their career. They start of falling for the charms but later it wears off as personality is differenent.

Most people are cultured rather than religious. Some are now having multiple divorces. It is far easier and accpted now a days to go through a divorce than it was 10 years ago and has now become the norm.

The community has to be more supportive and respect families privacy. The community are well known to gossip and shame others when they haven’t looked beyond their own front doors.
When looking at potential spouses the community/ family think two single people- get married. They don’t look at compatibility at different levels

The main reason probably, as many ulema have suggested, is that we go into marriage without having knowledge of, and being prepared to fulfill our responsibilities. This has nothing to do with age as somebody above suggested, rather getting married young is highly emphasized. Whether young or old, we still need to be aware of our Islamic responsiblities as Muslim husband/wife/father/mother. See this article, Is Marriage Sinful? http://www.islamicamagazine.com/issue-16/is-marriage-sinful.html

Though I have also heard a scholar make a comment about bollywood similar to what i said above!!