For myself, I live in America and I have a master’s degree. I have no problem marrying a man who isn’t a doctor or who may have just a bachelor’s. I also have no problem settling down with somebody who is struggling with finding his career as long as he has a plan and means to support us while we work together towards our mutual goals. My reasoning is: does it really matter so much if the guy has XYZ degree if he has bad character? He may be very good at his work, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to be a good husband. In fact, I would prefer not to marry a man who is in a demanding field, such as medicine, because it takes considerable time and emotional resources to do the job that little is left for the woman/family (in some cases). He could make a million bucks a year, but if he’s emotionally and physically absent or abusive, does that really matter?

Certainly, I don’t want a bum who forgets it is his responsibility to make sure our practical needs our met, nor do I want to be in constant stress about where the next pay check is going to come from. But if I have the education and love for him to make his life easier, why shouldn’t I work myself to help us get to where we need to be? I would much rather be with a man who is of upstanding character and who is struggling to make something of himself in the dunya, than someone whose priorities are not straight and is attached to the world. Why shouldn’t I have faith that Allah will provide for us so long as we do what is right?

I find it silly that certain desi parents place so much emphasis on what others will say, what his family’s education level is, etc. I think some Muslim women need to realize that we can’t place undue pressure on brothers and remember the longer you wait to get married, the greater the likelihood of shaitan trying to tempt you and lead you astray. I don’t think there’s any harm in mingling with brothers in college, outside, etc. in order to understand their character – getting to know them within limits helps you get a better picture of who they are. In fact, I think this whole connection thing through families or simply putting word out in the community and expecting things to work out seems so articifical and contrived.

Marriage should consist of: love, honor, respect & appreciation.
Love- The love for God, the love for your husband/wife, the love for your family.
Honor- Honor God, honor your husband/wife, honor your family.
Respect- Respect your religion, respect your husband/wife, respect your family.
Appreciate- Appreciate your life, appreciate God and your deen, appreciate your husband/wife, appreciate your family.

Whether your husband works as an executive in a company or a plumber, you should appreciate him, love him, respect him and honor him. That is what it means to be a wife.

The Eastern cultures care too much about looks, status and money. It’s a shame…

Lastly, have we all forgotten that throughout history, young men and women got married and then worked together to make a life for themselves? Is is really necessary for a man to be established with a bank account and a career before he asks a young woman to take his hand and help him to build their dreams together? Faith, dreams, love, goals…together. Contrast this to the shameful ads in the muslim magazines by ridiculous parents….where marriage is nothing more than a transaction, a swap of beauty for wealth and status. May Allah help us all.

The rich one is he who has a strong faith (Iman) and struggles to obtain a strong relationship with ALLAH the most HIGH, and poor is he who lives his life according to worldly needs and follows the path of shaytan (iblis). (May ALLAH protect us)

May ALLAH make us of this who will enter Jannah with our beloved prophet Mohammed salla ALLAHO alaihi wasallam.

Wa ALLAHU lmosta3an.

“W’Allahi you are calling to a belief I find absolutely repellant- it’s as if you imply that the poor necessarily have a bad character (most scholars are poor) and that the rich do not, which is ridiculous.”

I sincerely urge you all to carefully read what I said. It seems like your emotions get the best of you so you are no longer able to understand what is being said.

Yes, the scholars may be poor, but are they lazy? No! They are very hardworking. Argh, it’s frustrating that people have such poor reading comprehension skills.

*All* I said was that the fact that someone finishes medical school is a reflection of his character, i.e. hardworking, responsible, etc. Therefore, it would not be inappropriate for a woman (and her family) to look at this as a big plus–not because of the money he will get, but because of the hard work he put in to get there.

Meanwhile, we have many lazy bum brothers who don’t work hard and end up studying bumble-bee dancing as a major…then they whine how women (and their families) look down on them for that. *This* is what I am criticizing.

To conclude the matter, I think it makes sense for people to judge someone on how hardworking they are, not based on their money (since some people are rich without putting any work in it). Therefore, based on this principle, a person who goes through medical school and residency should of course have an edge. Similarly, a person who goes through a top law school and excels at what he does should definitely have an advantage over a lazy bum who couldn’t get a degree due to his laziness.

Yes, if someone is poor due to no fault of his own–or because he has made a sacrifice to excel in something else (such as religious studies)–then we shouldn’t look down on that, but rather we should respect how hard he works. However, if someone is a lazy bum brother whining, then I think such a person should not justify his laziness using Islam. It reminds me of how some extremists in UK justify their laziness by saying that taking welfare from the ‘dirty kufaar’ weakens them. It’s abusing religion to justify one’s own laziness.

I want Muslim youth to excel. We should excel like the Jews excel in studies, be it medicine, engineering, law, history, humanities, religious studies, etc. Be at the top of your class!

I think people should carefully read what I said, instead of jumping to conclusions.

May Allah [swt] unite our hearts on the Siratul Mustaqeem.

First, the neurosurgeon works at Hopkins.

Secondly, just because you are in medical school doesn’t make you special. There are many families that will bend over backwards for a doctor, but that doesn’t mean it’s justified. I am a medical student as well. You can’t say that the status we get is deserved. Bro, I’ve been through the 15+ hour days. I’ve gotten chewed out by attendings. It still doesn’t legitimize the disproportionate leverage that we get in “rishtas”.

Anonymous, you can’t talk about your field and say that it is more “intellectually demanding” than medicine. You have no authority to make that decision until you have worked as a doctor and understood what they go through. Likewise, no one in medicine has the right to say that their field is more “intellectual” than yours.

Overall, J brought up some interesting points. I have noticed many brothers who “concentrate on the deen” and put education as a second priority. Islam and education go hand in hand as one complements the other with a pure intention. Islam tells you to acquire knowledge and likewise knowledge will help you understand some of Allah’s signs better.

I agree with J that you should be the best at what you do, regardless of what field you enter. J is also right in the sense that as long as you work hard and are committed to what you do, you shouldn’t be poor.

Sure it’s unfair what parents are doing, but it’s also understandable. I would want my daughter to marry someone with good earning potential. Sometime doctors compromise their deen to get where they are. Missed prayers, missed Jumahs, etc. Be weary of them as well.

Sisters please understand that quality time is far more valuable than money. Marry someone who will spend time with you and your kids and can support you in a manner that is suitable in Islam (modesty). Do not fall for a physician who works 80hrs then lacks the emotional and physical capacity to serve his family afterwards. Wake up and stop dreaming as if life was bollywood. Seriously.

I completely see how my post can come across as arrogant. I did not mean it to come across that way. I did not mean to imply that I am a big hot shot. Rather, I merely wanted to convey the idea that you put in X amount of work, and you get Y amount of reward. That is all I meant.

I was merely stating a fact. If you work hard and excel at studies, you get many rishtas, even if your face is as ugly as a babboon. Call it revenge of the nerds, if you will.

To Bro/Sis Anonymous:

I am sorry you were offended by what I said, but I think you really should have read what I said more intently. I don’t know what field you are in, but let’s say you are in a research field. Research is a very intellectually demanding career, but the pay is low. Did I say that a doctor should be considered higher than a researcher? No! Rather, I simply said that lazy bums shouldn’t use Islam to justify their laziness. I see so many lazy bum brothers who whine about how they can’t get rishtas since the women are so superficial and want guys with degrees. These bums are NOT like you. They don’t excel in their fields.

Yes, there are people who choose low paying fields because they excel in them. And hats off to those people. They too, in my opinion, should be high on the rishta scale. So if you are a journalism student, or a humanities student, then you should still be appreciated for what you do, so long as you are doing it because you excel in it.

However, we all know that 90% of the people who go into such fields do them because they are easy. They didn’t want to put in the effort to do a more demanding field, like law, medicine, dentistry, etc.

What I mean to say only is that a man’s education and career should play some role in the rishta process, insomuch as it tells about his character. It will show if he is hardworking, responsible, etc.

So please reread what I wrote, because it does not go against what you said!