“Carry Me in Your Arms Like the Night You Married Me…” Reigniting the Passion in a Dead Marriage


Carry me in your arms….

Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: ‘The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.’

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

When I got home that night as my wife Ameena served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. Ameena didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Ismail why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, ‘you are not a man!’

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. Ameena was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Mary Anne. I didn’t love Ameena anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Mary Anne so dearly.

Finally Ameena cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Mary Anne. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did’nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son Ahmed had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Mary Anne about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. Ameena and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son Ahmed clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don’t tell Ahmed about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to Ameena.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Mary Anne about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son Ahmed came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. Ameena gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Ahmed had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Mary Anne opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Mary Anne, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Mary Anne, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.

Mary Anne seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until one of us leaves this world!

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.

Allah says in the Qur’an:’Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected.’ (Qur’an 4:34)

Allah says in the Qur’an:’And the believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of each other, they enjoin good and forbid evil, and establish prayers, and pay the alms, and obey God and His Messenger, these, upon them God will have mercy, indeed, God is almighty, All-wise.’ (Qur’an 9:71)

Prophet[p.b. u.h] said, ‘The best of you is he who is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.’

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50 Comments

  1. Subhanallah, this is soo good and heart-touching, jazak’Allahkhair for sharing it!

  2. Lamia says:

    Beautiful mash’Allah!
    Jazak Allah ou kheiran!!!

  3. kb says:

    i was close to tears reading this, reflecting on my parents divorce and imagining that boy was me…

  4. Ibrar says:

    Yawn…

  5. Abu ubaida says:

    mashallah, very touching story. guys be carefull of your duties and do not rush into divorce

  6. Sr. Aysha Khanom says:

    MashAllah… so beautiful..brought tears to my eyes..

    May Allah shower them both with His blessings! Ameen

  7. Adam Soltani says:

    That was an amazing story with a beautiful message. May Allah (swt) make us all realize the blessings we have in that special someone we love in our life.

  8. Amazingly written masha Allah! Heart-warming indeed.

  9. Um, Yeah says:

    What do we miss here? That it’s the woman with the non-Muslim name who is a shrew and a temptress — not that the man in the story is a weakling who gives into his whims and caprices. Not that he played with the hearts and minds of two women — the heart and mind of the non-Muslim woman don’t matter here. Not that he made his own choices to be unfaithful and play around with another woman.

    The Muslim wife must and will accept this for the sake of her family, because she is ultimately selfless and self-sacrificing. The non-Muslim woman is just a selfish who wants to take the Muslim man away from Muslim women — not in love, not confused, not hurt. These are the Muslim and non-Muslim women. This is what Muslim men tell themselves when they choose women who don’t believe over women who do. It’s always the women. This is the story we tell ourselves. These are the stories we tell our sisters.

  10. umm miskiin. says:

    Jzkheri for sharing.

    Almost brought tears to my eyes.

    indeed valuable lessons to learn from.
    As I kept reading I couldn’t help but to ask myself how important it is for us not to cut shortcuts when it comes to practicing our deen.

    how offen did our beloved prophet saw talked about the important of “touch” in marriage?

    how offen are we asked to lower our gaze and keep a distance ? “look at how close this brother was to his coworker not only was he comfortable sharing his marital affairs which he is expected to keep a secret but close enough that she ‘touched his forehead”.

    who do we turn too for advice? Imagine if the brother went to his imam or turn to his family or muslim brother and sisters . What answers would he have received ? look at who he turned too and the reaction ….like he said “she laughed and shouted its absurd””””.

    manshallah look at the strength of his wife. she suppresses her anger and instead of looking at what has happened .she moves on and tries her best to safe her marriage. talk of SABR!

    once again jzkheir brother for sharing this its a good reminder for all of us married or single.

    May Allah swt protect your family and keep your marriage stronger. Ameen

  11. SaqibSaab says:

    SubhanAllah, very nice post, as this kind of stuff is so oft-neglected. May Allah make it easy for struggling brothers and sisters in marriage and for us n00bs going into marriage soon!

  12. M. Landers says:

    As-salamu ‘alaikom,

    Personally I find that story rather heartbreaking all around, and not in a sweet/touching sort of way.

  13. Subhanallah very very touching! Brought tears to my eyes…May Allah strengthen their bond in marriage and bless them with happiness.

  14. Ibn Masood says:

    Wow… I need to get married lol.

  15. Yusuf says:

    Subhanallah. Jazka allah khair for this post. Very touching.

  16. Asim says:

    Wow…that was awesome! It made me feel kinda sad cuz I wasnt married…lol

  17. Sweet ending, but I personally would have found it a happier ending if he had gone poly and married Mary Anne without divorcing his wife ;)

    Siraaj

  18. shakib ahsan says:

    Um Yeah I see your point. I guess the story is missing a female narrative, that is not only self-reproaching but shows empathy towards the antagonist. Probably we should have a Maya Angelou version of this story by you :) next time. salam

  19. Sr. Just for Allah says:

    how can i write a blog?

  20. Sr. Just for Allah says:

    And Salaam to everyone

  21. mareena reffai says:

    nice story – but what happens to mary anne? just left like that? how dare a muslim man have an affair with a non mahram woman? and changes his mind as he pleases? no regrets on that? no wonder the muslims are held on such low esteem by others.

  22. reflecting says:

    Assalamu Alaikum,
    To my dear brothers and sisters who are criticizing the brother in the story, please understand that the point of the story is not to absolve the narrator. In fact, it is quite clear that the person fell into haraam, committed sins, and hurt several people. But please reflect on the lessons that can be learned from this narrative, especially for those of us that are married. Some of these are the importance of quality time and intimacy in marriage, the order to lower our gaze and not look at the opposite gender with desire, the effect of divorce on children, and much more.

    Please do not be caught up by the sins that the person freely admits they made. For all we know the story may not even be true, but it has powerful lessons. The issue is not who to blame for what and for those who ask about the feelings of “Mary Anne”, in my humble opinion a woman (or man) that knowingly enters into a relationship with a married person and pushes/encourages them towards divorce or worse does not deserve much sympathy, because such an action is almost as reprehensible as the married person’s actions. But the real issue is how we can learn from the story, work on our own relationships, avoid these types of sins, and if we fall into them how we can turn back to Allah and stop ourselves from going further into haraam.

    And Allah (swt) knows best.

  23. Yasmine says:

    Well at first I was sort of upset at Mr. I want a divorce. how could he be dating some other woman and leave the wife he built a life and family with… some guys are just shallow and jerks. well atleast it ended up happy… mashallah..

  24. d says:

    salaams, this made me cry, i don’t know if this is permisible or advised in islam, but i am a convert, and traditionally in some westerhn cultures the man must carry the bride at least over the threshold. wasalaam

  25. Atif says:

    Why do people assume “Mary Anne” is non-muslim? :)

  26. Mareena Reffai says:

    The plight of Mary Anne bothered me. so I took the liberty of amending the story!
    “Carry Me in Your Arms Like the Night You Married Me…” Reigniting the Passion in a Dead Marriage
    Carry me in your arms….
    Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: ‘The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.’
    AUTHOR UNKNOWN
    When I got home that night as my wife Ameena served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
    Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. Ameena didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Ismail why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, ‘you are not a man!’
    That night, we didn’t talk to each other. Ameena was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Mary Anne. I didn’t love Ameena anymore. I just pitied her!
    With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Mary Anne, my secretary, though I have not told her yet. .
    Finally Ameena cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
    The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Mary Anne. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did’nt care so I turned over and was asleep again.
    In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son Ahmed had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
    This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
    Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Mary Anne about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. Ameena and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son Ahmed clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don’t tell Ahmed about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
    On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to Ameena.
    On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t think of Mary Anne so much any more. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
    She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
    Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son Ahmed came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. Ameena gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
    But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Ahmed had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
    I drove to office… got out of the car much more contented than what I usually do. I felt as if a big burden has been lifted from my mind, knowing I, at last was doing the right things the right way, I felt very calm… I walked upstairs. Mary Anne opened the door and I felt so relieved that I had not shown her my sentiments. I also realized that I did not even know whether she would have accepted me- I have assumed that she would – and shuddered to think that I almost ruined my life and also that of my whole family.
    She looked at me quizzically. “Are you alright? She said. “Never had been better” I said. I let out a sigh of relief at the thought of the great blunder I almost made.
    My thought ran back to Ameena. How long ago that had happened me at the office! My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.
    Mary Anne didn’t seem to notice and carried on as usual. I made a mental note to get another assistant into the office so that we would never be alone in there anymore. How much we know Islam but how very easily neglect Allah’s orders! If I didn’t get attracted to Mary Anne may be… I may have not been pushed to the thought of divorce. May be I would have tried harder … May be … May be.. so many may be’s….
    I walked downstairs and drove home. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until one of us leaves this world!
    The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.
    Allah says in the Qur’an:’Men are the supporters of women, because Allah has stowed on the one more than the other, and for what they have to provide (for them) from their sources. So the righteous women are obedient and protect in the absence of their husbands that which God ordains to be protected.’ (Qur’an 4:34)
    Allah says in the Qur’an:’And the believing men and the believing women, they are the friends of each other, they enjoin good and forbid evil, and establish prayers, and pay the alms, and obey God and His Messenger, these, upon them God will have mercy, indeed, God is almighty, All-wise.’ (Qur’an 9:71)
    Prophet[p.b. u.h] said, ‘The best of you is he who is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.’

  27. Ashraf says:

    very moving, it brought tears to my eyes..

    May Allah grant you both a lifetime full of love and happiness Ameen.

  28. Sadia says:

    Made me realise what i have with my husband.The beauty of marriage with someone who loves u with no boundaries algamdullilah.He may not be able to carry me but i know that he carries me in his heart.May Allah SWT grant u all a marriage of happiness and long life together inshallah.

  29. Alima says:

    This is one amazingly touching story, subhan’Allah!

    May Allah ‘azza wa jall protect us. Ameen

  30. Alima says:

    Oh and the story has been posted to benefit us, lets not pick on the small bits. It’s a great story of someone who falls into sin and repents and regrets. Subhan’Allah it’s shows the patience and wisdom of the women though she was going through so much pain. Subhan’Allah. Only Allah knows how much it hurts a woman who fears Him and goes through this test.

    What an amazing lesson of patience, sabr and wisdom.

    Brothers need to be more careful and learn about the women and learn that at times she is fragile. Allah has made you guys protectors over us for a reason. So fulfil it insha’Allah and i’m sure a majority do alHamdulillah, and it’s nice to see a lot of courses available from institutes tackling these issues.

    Wallahu ta’ala alem.

  31. Sithembiso says:

    it gives us a wake up call on showing us on being appriciative for what little thing we have, and to those are in a relationship and are seeking an easy back stage exit well think twice before you do cause its beter when exit from the stage entrance because if u still have what u had in ur love life give it a second though on it and perhas it could just work out after all

  32. Asma says:

    MashAllah. this made me cry.
    May Allah bless all couples with intimacy and love iA.

  33. Um Hana says:

    while a nice story on some levels, I think overall it plays the “other woman” as the heavy and describes a stereotype of a man who only falls in love with a woman other than his wife because he is disappointed with the first.

    It also sets up rivalries between women — that they have to fight each other to keep their men. Instead of the protective male head of house and family and FAMILIES, women are being turned into the heads of household who have to keep their men in line and protect their OWN family unit from any evil female intruders who might want in on their turf.

    Women do best when they cooperate with each other to gain legitimate status as wives for themselves and their kids – and other women in society – rather than being divided and conquered into “good girls” (only wives) and hussies (everybody else). Maybe if women collectively insisted that the “other” women are treated with the honor they deserve, that good men are shared not hoarded, then our communities wouldn’t be busying themselves building homeless shelters for muslim women who are single, divorced, and widowed.

    Or that married women look the other way when their husbands have girlfriends, do porn, etc. — so long as he doesn’t actually try to have a legit relationship with the other women then she’ll just be quiet.

    It denies and demeans the very experience that our religion affirms, that men are able to have multiple loves and maintain them in ways that are halal, respectful, and good for society.

  34. E says:

    MasyaAllah…something good to ponder…
    A truly touching story..May Allah grant them with happiness…Inshaallah.

  35. Fedwa says:

    Salaam,

    I am a divorcee and I feel very very bothered when people pity me and think that I am just dying to get married to someone elses husband. Why do people pity us so much and make an assumption that we are all dying to get married and we would accept a polygamous marriage at the destruction of other people’s lives?

    Message to Muslim community: I don’t want pity and I am comfortable being alone and seeing other women very happily married to good brothers. What happened to contentment with what you have? Why can’t women be content and not assume that unless they are married – they are an object of pity?

    Where does Islam say that women are measured by being happily married. I have alot of friends that are happily married, and ma’shallah they have very good husbands. I make dua that Allah increases that marriage in blessing and love and protects them.

    Our protector and maintainer is Allah. Men are just means. To some, God gives husbands, kids and to others He does not. We should strive to be content. As a divorcee, I personally despise Mary Anne. I cannot and do not relate or feel compassion for her at all.

    I am sorry – hands off married men and women. The other man or woman are downright selfish and only think of themselves, not the other man or woman, not their spouse, and not their children. It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes that same village to protect that famiy that is raising the child.

    Why can’t we just learn to be content with what we have instead of falling apart and running after what we don’t have?

    From my position – the story would have ended like this.
    Ameena signs divorce papers and tells Ismail – take your house, your car, your pity and take a hike! God is ever present and my protector. You are just a means. If you are not man enough to fulfil your duties and responsibilities – I will turn to God for assistance and trust that He will provide from means that I do not have perception of. Now go be james bond, rambo and romeo and quote God to justify your actions.

    I am not contending with God on matters of polygamy. Polygamy should be approached with Islamic adab, and not sin as is customarily the case in Muslim societies. I have found that cases of polygamy that succeeded – did so because the men were honest with their first wives and waited for them to emotionally accept the situation and helped them to relate to their co-wives before proceeding. Such men also married after building a strong, solid and successful first marriage that lasted years like our Prophet Muhammad, upon him peace and blessings. They met these women not through sin, but Islamic guidelines, and engaged them within Islamic guidelines as well. There was a strong bond of trust in the first marriage which allowed the second marriage to succeed without destroying the first.

    Cases of failure, are cases of Ismail – narcissistic man thinks he is protector of woman, and jumps right into sin to meet and rescue women #2,3 & 4, while failing to fulfil his responsibilities to #1, then fights that he is trying to protect these lonely, pitiful divorced and widowed women who have no protector other than his ego.

    Please, please don’t assume every divorced woman is just sitting home looking with envy at someone’s elses husband and dying to marry them. This really angers me alot. Some of us – just make dua that Allah blesses those marriages and helps us to remain chaste and be content.

    Please read below this great counseling article:
    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Cyber_Counselor/CyberCounselingE/CyberCounselingE&cid=1120469515087

    “Realize that it is not your responsibility to rescue lonely woman, regardless of their circumstances. Leave the care of all other woman to Allah. Focus your energies on caring for your own wife! ”

    I would prefer to be alone and content, then to be married and destroy another marriage or bring into it harm and turmoil.

    Please don’t rescue me. Enough with the pity. Just take good care of your wife and kids, and may Allah reward you well.

    wasalaam,
    Fedwa

    • connie benhmida says:

      U go girl !! WOW….u have a way with words..i agree with most of what u have to say. We dont know Mary Ann enough to see if she was victimized by this man as well. The American sounding name(hence, probably wanting us to believe she is American and evil.) is the villian…as usual. That gets old. The “other woman” should had an Arab name as well!!!!!

  36. Amatullah says:

    As salamu alaikum,

    Jazak Allah for sharing this. It brought tears to my eyes, and surely, an eye-opener for those who reflect in sha Allah. Fi aman Allah.

  37. Mehreen says:

    This is beautiful mashaAllah!

  38. iman says:

    now that was touching….brought tears to my eyes….(carry me….jk)

  39. Amira Kalala says:

    beautiful story
    put me to tears

  40. Fedwa says:

    salaam,

    I reflected and reflected and here are my thoughts.

    When counselors deal with divorcees – you cannot imagine how many sisters are emotionally and mentally abused by stories such as above. They try so hard to prove their love and light his fire, and whatever hoops our community demands of them — ending up hurting themselves emotionally and mentally and feeling like a failure, dumped and rejected.

    Our faith is a faith of mercy. God did not ask Women who feel their husbands are going to abandon them to jump hoops to keep them. Read the Quran and the passage on women who fear abandonment by their husbands…

    Let me pose a few questions…

    Number 1, did the wife turn to herself or turn to God in this trial? She turned to herself.

    Number 2, did the husband turn to God in his trial of a dead marriage or to himself? He turned to himself and met Mary Ann.

    Number 3, did Mary Anne, let us assume She is Muslim turn to herself or to Allah, like Moses did, with her need for a husband? She turned to herself.

    We all slip. We all fail. We all commit sin. Allah asks us to repent. Did any of them repent to God for their sins and shortcomings? No. God does not change a situation unless …. The change comes from God. It does not come from us. The change DOES NOT come when we turn to OURSELVES. So it is a plain fairy tale to assume and delude yourself that you can CHANGE a sinful husband by becoming a clinging possessive woman who cannot let him go.

    We were not created to live happily ever after fairy tale lives. Prophet Muhammad, upon him peace and blessings loved Aisha(RA) very very much. But when there was a conflict with the mission he has to attend to, he gave her and the rest of his wives the choice to divorce with a GIFT. This is true love. Possessiveness is not true love or love period.

    God sends us trials and tribulations. Read the story of Prophet Yusuf, the best of stories about the truimph of the soul. Yusuf, upon him peace turns to God for help. The wife of the Aziz later is reformed to seek repentance to God and ask for forgiveness. She is transformed by God from a possessive clinging woman running after Yusuf, to a woman who experiences real love.

    These are stories that should bring tears to our eyes. Stories that open us to bear witness to the attributes and presence of God in our lives and how God CHANGES people around when we turn to him for help.

    Finally, please read below a TRUE AND REAL story of a sister, who like many sisters absorb the social condtioning that She has to fix her husband who does not want her – She must try to do whatever it takes to save her marriage, otherwise She is worthless. So many sisters fall apart in a divorce because there is a social stigma that She somehow failed to please her husband and you cannot imagine how hard they try to and how hard they fail and how hard they cry and the emotional scars left behind.

    It has two parts. Read it and reflect. What message are we sending to sisters who are dumped with the story above? Isn’t it enough that they have to deal with a husband who is not committed in a marriage and wants to dump them – to emotionally make them feel like God has burdened them with changing this person around? God asked us to change ourselves, not other people.

    Too many fireworks (part 1)
    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Cyber_Counselor/CyberCounselingE/CyberCounselingE&cid=1120469515749

    (part 2)
    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Cyber_Counselor/CyberCounselingE/CyberCounselingE&cid=1120469515859
    “we know how difficult it must be for you to feel that your husband who says he once loved you and was committed to the marriage is now rejecting you, essentially based on what he blames as your behavior. However, we want to reassure you that you are a special and unique person who needs to be treated with care, compassion, love, kindness, and most of all forgiveness! As you review your own situation, ask yourself if the man you are trying to hard to win back will be able to treat you with care, compassion, love, kindness, and most importantly, forgive you! Will he? Make lots of du`aa’ (supplication) to Allah, and please remember that in the end, no matter what happens, it will be according to the will of Allah, and you know that Allah knows best! ”

    May Allah forgive me and guide me if I am saying anything wrong.

    wasalaam,
    Fedwa

  41. s says:

    Assalamualaikum,

    Fedwa i totally agree with what you say. Every trial and tribulation we face – we should automatically turn to Allah for help.

    But surely you must agree that divorce should be a last resort? When someone has invested years of commitment and love into a marriage they will automatically do what is natural i.e. try and salvage the situation.
    I don’t think she was being possessive either. She wasn’t just thinking about herself, she was thinking about her son too. Many women suffer long and lifeless marriages just so that they can keep the family fabric intact. Not just because they are possessive.

    If a child in a family goes off the rails – will the family just turn their backs on them? No they won’t. They would be patient in the hope that one day their child will turn back. But they won’t give up on them at the first hurdle.

    Finally, marriage is the halal way for a couple to love each other. It would be natural for this sister to try and see one last time if there is any love left. Don’t forget that Shaytan will do anything to break up marriages. It may have been this sisters strong faith in Allah that gave her patience to see what happens. Rather than say ok if you want a divorce you’ll get one.

    Walaikumsalam

  42. Fedwa says:

    Asalaamu alaikum,

    S,

    I maybe wrong in my thinking but here are my thoughts. Feel free to disagree and refute them.

    I agree with you divorce should be a last resort. But the strategies we use to salvage the marriage should be demanding BOTH parties and their support group, as well as the people of influence around them face up to the responsibilities toward the marriage and each other. These are strategies based on self-respect, commitment and honest communication – allowing the issues that lead to the break down of the marriage to come forth and to be dealt with, hence building trust.

    The story places the responsibility of saving the marriage on the woman alone. It feeds into stereotypes that women as one Imam locally told me during my divorce proceedings, are the key to a good marriage. If the woman is always happy and trying to please her husband, the marriage is successful. If the marriage fails – it is because She failed to please her husband.

    Let me ask you this question? Can you honestly say – that you know of a real case where a woman on the boundaries of divorce used these strategies and saved her marriage?

    Because I can honestly say, that I know of women who used this strategy and more – and it did not work. Worse yet, they ended up divorced and PREGNANT! Maybe this can help us understand the wisdom why God says in the Quran – Do not share their beds. Because such halal love interaction should be within bounds of commitment and trust. When one party or both are not committed to the marriage – it is risky to tell women to use such means to save their marriage.

    The Quran advises us to bring both parties and their families or support group and work out the problems. That is the methodology of last resort we should use. Honest communication that checks to see if there is commitment.

    When a similar case that happened within people I know – the marraige was saved. Because people around the brother stood up to him and spoke some sense into him – and demanded he own up to his responsibilities. They further went to his family and demanded they accept responsibility to speak to him on this issue. It took a year, but the circle of influence and his family pressured him to shape up and stop hurting his wife. It takes a village to raise a child, and the same village to support the family that is raising the child. Saving a marriage should not rest on the shoulders of women alone. The strategies of the Quran worked well in this case.

    Please read…
    I can’t bear his absence
    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Cyber_Counselor/CyberCounselingE/CyberCounselingE&cid=1120469514615
    “All of this comes out of a possessive love, that may or may not have contributed towards the break-up in the marriage. Before you start feeling guilty, please don’t. As you have realized for yourself, it was immaturity on both sides. It was not just you alone. In order to help this love to be mature, it would be helpful if you could actually stop thinking of him as ‘my spouse’. He is no longer your spouse and may now have an independent life. We fear the loss that we hold on the most and in that holding on, we prevent the inner growth and the development of the other. So we end up losing it anyway…once you can let go of him, belonging to you and dependent on the reality of the situation from his point of view…”

    Finally, please read…
    What is Love?
    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Cyber_Counselor/CyberCounselingE/CyberCounselingE&cid=1162287536662
    “This where much emotional damage can be done to either party, especially when individuals become prey to the feelings of ‘romantic love’ which lead to pre-marital relationships. If the relationship moves towards marriage, the doors of reality flies open and there might be not so pleasant surprises. One of those surprises is boredom with each other, because the relationship was not based on anything more than emotions.”

    wasalaam,
    Fedwa

  43. abdulla says:

    MASHA ALLAH…VERY TOUCHING

    PLEASE CIRCULATE AMONGS FRIENDS!

  44. Bridget Soliman says:

    I love this story. It touches my heart so much as this story came so close to being mine. Sometimes it takes another person interrupting a relationship to make you realize how good of a thing you have. And so similar that the name in this story is an American name as well as the other woman was. One thing different was that this other woman was my friend. How could she? I found out just in time I think and was able to save my marriage of 15 years and it is now even sweeter than it ever was. I feel sorry for her that she couldn’t find happiness in her own marriage that she had to look my way. I wonder about her and I know she has since divorced her husband. I forgive her but will never forget. As for the story. I say Humdallah Ameena. That is your man. And women are very decieving. Once you turn your head, they are on it. Power to Ameena!

  45. Um Hana says:

    Sawdah (ra) was wife #1. How differently she reacted to her conditions.

    She was honored by Allah to be the woman to fill the lonely void after the prophet’s (saws) loss of Khadijah (ra), and she had the prophet (saws) all to herself! What greater man to fight for as a woman – he was all hers!

    But see how humble she was, how she resolved the issue between her and her husband (giving up her night for Ayesha), and how much respect and love there was between her and wife #2 Ayesha (ra).

    Subhanallah.

  46. umm yusuf says:

    subhan’Allah…very moving..(am trying to wipe away my tears discretely)

    definitely little things can get overlooked especially after children come along

    insha’Allah may Allah help us maintain that special ingredient in our marriages.

  47. Tricia says:

    “And women are very decieving. Once you turn your head, they are on it. ”

    Bridget, it seems to me the problem is not Ameena (or you) turning your head, it was Ismail turning his head….a little too far in the direction of another woman. Let us not reduce our men to children who must be kept in line, and our women to mothers who must chase after their men and protect the family, which is the man’s job as well. It amazes me how as women we can call our entire gender “deceiving,” no wonder men lack respect; we don’t demand it.

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