Both are cultures–not saying that either is right or wrong.

The hardest thing about being a convert?

1. Family
2. Family
3. Family

Sigh….I love my family so much and it is down-right brutal on my iman and my very soul straddling both worlds…I’ll quote Tolstoy, from War and Peace: “But Pierre knew nothing of that; entirely engrossed in what lay before him, he was suffering the anguish men suffer when they persist in undertaking a task impossible for them – not from its inherent difficulties, but from its incompatibility with their own nature. He was tortured by the dread that he would be weak at the decisive moment, and so would lose his respect for himself.”

How do I reject my family’s MO without rejecting them? So I stay silent, much to my own shame…may Allah guide me.

I am a born muslim who is grown up in a muslim family - but in a non-muslim society. In my childhood- my father was mostly away because of his job. My mother was not a fully practicing muslim woman (no hijab)- only fasting in ramadan . I was in a german kindergarden where they gave me a book with pictures about the story of jesus a.s.. I liked this book- i could not read- but i have just seen the images who made me understand. I did not like the crucification at the end. I could not read, i knew nothing about the quran..but i felt that it is not the truth. I told my mom from the book and she has told me that it is not the real end - i was happy. In the kindergarden they taught me how to pray before the dinner and showed me how to do the cross-sign with my hands. They gave me pork as food too. When i was at home before dinner i have done what they have taught me in the kindergarden- my mom got a shock and said that i should not do this again..and that i should not eat pork again. As you can see- even an arab child can be a so-called a convert or a revert.

When i got to school and have learned how to read and write. I did like to take part in the religion class- the stories of the prophets (christian version). But i was not allowed to continue taking this class on religion because i am a muslim. My father had contact to a Doctor from our city who gave him the hint to take his boys to a masjid - for learnig arabic and islam. It was quite far away from our town- but it was a good decision- So i have learned Alif-ba-ta-tha, some suras by heart and on the sira till my brother was annoyed of going to the masjid. My bigger brother had big influence on me and the idea that a goat ate a paper of the quran made led me to have doubt on the quran- and i went back from the light to the darkness till i got 23.

While i was studying in a city, without having my parents or my brother around me, i have forgotten a lot of things- i forgot that i have even a little sister somewhere on this earth. I was in the darkness and depressed…One day my parents came to me and gave me some books on islam in german language. My parents did not pray at that time but knew that there is something what can help me to get out of this situation. I have read the book from Maudoodi called “Weltanschaaung und Leben im Islam” translated by Ahmad von Denffer. I have started to approach to Allah with that..step by step- alhamdulillah. I have made my shahada with 23/24 i guess. And then i started to pray and did not tell it to my parents because they did not pray. One day they found out that i do pray and that i read quran and read ahadith sometimes. They have felt my change- so they also started to think more on Allah and Islam. They pray now and did the hajj- alhamdulillah. And alhamdulillah i had a good childhood and good parents. Some converts do lose contact to their family- that is a very hard issue. But i do love Allah more than everything- and we are all in different test situations. It does not matter if born in muslim family, convert or revert- but dying as a muslim with a heart full of good deeds and the belief in Al- Rahim does matter. we are ONE UMMAH OF MUHAMMED SWS , ALLAHU AKBAR Wa Salam

Bro, Khalis could you please contact me?

SDW

As salaamu alaikum,

I am an accounting and finance major. Their are many aspects about finance that are not Haram. i.e. commodities, stock, real estate etc., investments in businesses etc. He can work as a financial analyst for a business that buys or invests in other businesses that are halal. Many corporations in America are in the business of buying other companies, and or their stock. If it is not a business engaged in Haram then he is okay. Also regarding ‘riba’ I am very reluctant to paint everything thing with one broad stroke. If I loan you 20,000 to start a business and it takes you 15 years to pay me back, I should only get 20,000.00 back? Absolutely not! In 15 years the 20,000 that you give me back will only be worth 12-14,000.00. So I will actually lose.

Asalamualaikum,

I come from a staunch hindu brahmin family from Rajkot Rajasthan. Im 21 years old
The reason why I came to Islam is because of tauhid and the life of the holy prophet Muhammad(saws), I began as a simple muslim who respected all schools of thought in Islam, and would pray 5 times a day but then began the turmoil.

1. I met tableeghis, who said that their way was the right way and others were not totally on tariqa of rasool(saws), they( tableeghis) think wearing long chogaas and leather boots make em closer to Allah and His rasool(saws), once when I was in jamat at night and a man sexually molested me while sleeping in the markaz at night in Nizamuddin, I never went in a jamat again.

2. Then I met salafis, who consider all else to be wrong except themselves, they were so strict with tauhid that they would weaken those hadiths from sahi muslim and bukhari whichsoever conflicted with their tauhid even to a fraction. I felt the spirit of fanaticism to establish tauhid led them to weaken hadiths from muslim and bukhari and they stripped the prophet(saws) of smallest of rights which Allah(swt)granted him with. I was forbidden to pray with other muslims and they changed my way of performing namaz.

3. I came across bareilwis who said, they came in the disciplic lineage of the prophet(saws) and theirs was the purest version of islam coming down through the silsilas.

4. One group said chose any one madhab , never intermingle or change it.

5. I got so tired with all these takfeer, back biting, criticism, polemics and different ways to pray, who to pray with that I decided to pray and study Islam at home, because every one called each others group a creation of Jews, as all muslims are habituated to blame everything on Jews.

6. Finally I came to Shi’ism and have accepted their correct doctrine.

Tell me about it….

: Bad women .are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women (Quran 24:26)

O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other. Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well-acquainted. (The Noble Quran, 49:13)”

Inshallah hope you get an answer from a scholar.

From my findings the implication to that statement is not exactly as it sounds I believe in Islam whether one is convert or born Muslim. What speaks out or what we should look at in terms of suitability is how strong a Muslim is this person in terms of how strictly do they follow the deen.
If you look at it this way. It might help.
A convert who practices the deen very well V born Muslim not practicing the deen as they should be. Then any wali in their right mind will marry their daughter to the one practicing the deen very well since that one is the most suitable. After role the Quran states it clearly “the most honoured (man or woman) in the sight of Allah swt is the most righteous.
I did come across what you asked about and I think the author mentions in relation to Hanafi but I think its something that one has to read further beyond those two lines. reading further it all comes down to the best is the one with Good islamic character(deen) and yes there other things to choose from which are family, wealth and looks.But a good character is something that any one whether a convert or not might posses or might not posses
I suggest you read a lot more about equality in islam and also what to look for in choosing a marriage partner. Inshallah

Welcome back to Islam (we where all born muslims) and Inshallah I pray to Allah swt to keep us all strong in this beautiful path of Islam.

I was lucky in that, my family is very open-minded. So it was awkward for a few months when they initially found out, but they’ve come to respect my decision, and generally we still have a good relationship, if not BETTER than before I embraced Islam. What also helps is that while they are Christian, they’re not extremely practical, and their attachment to Christianity is much more cultural than religious.

And none of my close [non-Muslim] friends are in opposition to Islam, nor do they smoke, drink, party etc. or anything that would force me to disassociate myself from them. So as far as family and friends are concerned, I can say that Allah(swt) has been extremely generous and merciful in that regard [in every waking moment in reality].

All that being said…the most difficult part of being a convert for me is the amount of racism I perceieve (either directly or by observation) amongst the Muslims. And what’s upsetting is that a lot of these things are ’swept under the rug’ and people pretend like it doesn’t exist. We’ll quote ayat and hadith all day about the equality that Islam enforces among the people, but the reality of the state of the Ummah is quite different.

I am the only young African-American male in my community(and it’s a LARGE one), which is a somewhat wealthy collection of Pakistanis, Afghanis, Arabs, etc. It’s disappointing when people assume because you look a certain way, or come from a certain bacground, that you’ll probably want this type of spouse…or that you’ll really get along with this brother because you share the same home country, etc. When in fact, you may have little to nothing in common at all. At worst, it could be called racism, but at the least it’s stereo-typing. All this cultural tribalism honestly makes me not even want to bother trying to marry a born-Muslim after the horror-stories I’ve been hearing, and that’s really sad and unfortunate.

**on a related note, I read something in the fiqh of nikah about kafa’ah. Like, a born-Muslim is a degree of status higher than a convert in suitablity. Can someone clarify this to me please?

I was so surprised to discover all the in-fighting, arguing, and disagreement among the Muslims. I had this [albeit naive] Utopian view of the religion, where everyone got along and was understanding of one another’s differences. It’s disheartening to constantly be bombarded with Sunni/Shia, Salafi/Sufi, this madhab/that madhab, sunna/bid’ah, to the point where the Deen only becomes about all these differences, most of them OUTWARD. What attracted me to Islam in the first place was the deeply spiritual aspect, and the UNITY of the religion. It hasn’t been shattered, but definitely has been shaken…

But…Alhamdullilah. I love this Deen, no matter what happens. Because this is all from Allah(swt), and everything from Him(swt) is Khair.

There’s a million other things I could discuss, but I must do a favor for anyone who’s made it to the end of this post, and cease for now. JazakAllahu Khairan

wa salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh