Um Hana, that is EXACTLY what i was talking about when I was writing this poem! Obviously every guy who opens the door for you and lets you walk through is NOT checking you out. That was not my intention at all when writing this. My intention is ever so eloquently explained by Um Hana. Jazakillahu Khaira =).

Ramadan Kareem to all!

about the power hungry men, i cant understand them, i would feel much safer for my wife if she walked in front of me then let her walk behind me out of my sight

Ramadan Mubarak ALL!!

The “ladies first” of this poem as I see it is like on a first date, where the man is showing he is a gentleman - letting her go first, opening the door for her, letting her sit down first at the restaurant, opening the car door, getting flowers, paying her dinner - in a series of behaviors intended to maximize her good opinion of him; to show he is a gentleman in order for her to feel flattered and desired.

The date culminates in the “reward” he’s earned by this chivalry - getting a good night kiss - or possibly more - if it was a good date.

The experience of the date would most likely be recounted (by both parties) to friends (”Is he/she a good kisser?”, “How far did you go?” “Are you going to call?” “Do you think he’ll call?”)

As the poem suggests, “ladies first” is part of the courtship of singles (”In a world where it’s a virtue to stay single”), there is no clear purpose of marriage nor even expectation of exclusivity. Indeed, if a date started talking about marriage and being exclusive on the first date it would be usually considered very bizarre and desperate.

Quite the opposite is expected; there is no problem if both men and women are going to be doing the exact same thing with other people the next night and the following weekend. That they were able to get so many dates might even make them more desirable to the opposite gender!

If they both want another date, want to see each other exclusively, etc. and in some random fashion of falling in love all goes well for a few years maybe eventually there might be a request of the father to marry his daughter.

I see “ladies first” in this poem as this kind of chivalry within a system that does not prioritize marriage — contrasted with the courtship of a muslim man whose manliness is in holding himself back from getting more or even seeing more, who goes directly to the girl’s father, whose clear intention (and the girl’s) is only marriage from the get-go.

I also know of some men who make/force women to walk behind them, because they are on some ridiculous power trip. So like even if there wife knows the way somewhere that they don’t, rather than them following her she has to try and direct them from being behind them.

Anyhow I did enjoy reading, thank you

Peace

“All wrongs seem to come at you in the right forms.”

“After you”, and “ladies first” convey an attitude of protection and respect to ladies. However, this poem hints that the right attitude is coming in the “wrong form”; a form that actually puts ladies on a kind of display that is not protective.

Contrast this with ladies walking behind men, which at first appears denigrating; the “wrong form”. But the poem delicately shows how truly protective and respectful this can be.

I loved the mention of Musa without mentioning his name:

such as the story of a man in madyan
who helped some women get water from a well
such as the story of a man in madyan
who into his desires, he did not sell

I really enjoy when clues are given about people or references without the name and so we are able to see that personality through their actions or qualities.

I do have one critique though - I feel that the poem’s primary thrust is wonderful, praising haya and controlling the gaze.

However, I feel like it is unduly putting a liiiiittle attack on concepts of Western chivalry like “Ladies first” and “after you” which in the western context, are really not seen as moves so that men can check out women or oogle. They are just western chivalry. There is nothing originally harmful or ill-intended about that so to connect them with desires and corruption - I don’t know, I could see it turning non-Muslim readers off because many of them would be surprised that “ladies first” was linked to an immoral gaze in the Muslim mind - ….. I don’t think that really the idea behind it.

I think there is a lot of critiquing that should and could be done about the loosness and general moral decay between genders in Western societies, but I just feel like the “ladies first” concept isn’t really one of them (at least by intent).

Nevertheless, I think the poem encourages us to lower our gaze and reminds us of the nobility of protecting our gaze for Allah’s sake. It served as a great reminder for all of us.

jazakillah khair
AS