Check Yourself Before Your Wreck Yourself: Sr. Maryam
Published by Suhaib Webb September 11th, 2007 in GeneralAsalamu alaykum,
What do you think of when you see a sister who isn’t wearing hijab? How about a brother who is laughing with a whole lot of girls?
Ever look down on them? Think you are better than them? It’s really easy to be self righteous. It’s even easier to fall prey to this attitude if you sport the ‘righteous’ look.
But let’s ask ourselves this question: has Allah written us amongst His righteous servants? Or is that a title we have only given ourselves?
Check this:
Today I was sitting at the dawah table on my campus and a female student, dressed in typical jeans and a shirt approached it. I was decked out in my hijab, and I really had no idea what she was thinking as she made the move to speak to me. She asked if she could have a Qur’an, and of course, I was happy to give one to her. Then she said, “Can I ask you a question?” “Sure,” I answered. The question sounded kind of deep, so I invited her to sit next to me on the empty chair. She took up the offer.
“Please don’t judge me,” she began. Allah! I had a feeling this was a sister. SubhanAllah, the courage it must have taken for her to come and speak to me, considering that we were dressed so differently from each other.
After reassuring her, how could I judge her? She began—
She told me that she became involved in a relationship for the first time in her life with a brother. Her intention was for long term, but she felt so terrible doing it. She told me when she is with the brother, she feels horrible, even though she is supposed to feel good. She told me that she knows that this is such a big sin, that she wants to stop, but that it is just so, so hard. And she asked me: Can Allah forgive me?
Allah… subhanAllah.
While this girl was speaking, I was looking at her thinking: look at the jihad she is going through for Allah. She hates what she is doing, she asks Allah to forgive her, but it is so hard for her to leave the sin. Her desire to repent became so intense that she came to a girl she has never met before, who could easily judge her, and poured out her heart. And, the part that just hits me now as I write this, she was so desperate, she wanted to know: Can Allah forgive her? Could HE (subhanahu wa ta’ala) really forgive such a sin?
I told her, Allah is Ghafooro Raheem! He will forgive ANYTHING. Even if a person commits zina (which she Alhamdullilah has not done, and may Allah protect her and us all from falling into it) Allah will forgive this person if they repent and leave it. I kept telling her about Allah’s Mercy, about how He is so, so happy to turn and accept the repentance of His Slaves.
We kept talking about how Allah ‘Azza wa Jal must be pleased with her struggle- that she is making jihad everyday (she was like: YEAH!)… we looked at the Hadith Qudsi that talks about the servant who keeps sinning, and keeps going back to his Lord, and, what I loved so much from this conversation—we looked at WHAT dua? The same dua that was posted on the site below: sayyidul istighfar. We read the meaning together, about upholding this covenant, about how we are trying, ya Rabana, but we keep falling into error. She loved it subhanAllah.
I told her to keep strong with her salah. Because of course, Allah is Forgiving, but He is also strong in punishment, and we have to be careful not to do things that make us eligible to be punished. After some time we departed and I’m still in wonderment. I wasn’t supposed to be at the dawah table at that time, we were looking for a brother to sit there, but none were available, so we pushed back what we had planned to do and Allah destined for me to be there. How He knows, while we know not.
While the sister and I were sitting and talking, another female student walked up to the dawah table. She was intensely unclothed, and she came up and asked for a copy of the Qur’an. “I’m Muslim,” she told me. ALLAHU AKBAR. Look at the good in the Muslims. Look at how badly the Muslims desire, seek, need Allah. That the woman who comes to the dawah table could be wearing practically nothing, but she is willing to admit that she is Muslim. Before she left she asked me, “Does Ramadan start on the 13th?” SubhanAllah, how the people are seeking this Month of Mercy.
The lessons from these experiences were beyond words for me…but right now, I want you to go back to your original answer when I first posed the question. What would you be thinking of a Muslim brother or sister who has a girlfriend or boyfriend? Or who is wearing basically nothing?
Yes, they may be outwardly sinning, but perhaps internally they are struggling and fighting every time they commit the sin, and are continually seeking to turn back to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Perhaps in some people’s eyes, these people are ‘sinners.’ But perhaps in the Sight of Allah, they are more beloved to Him because of their struggle, than of us who can easily fall into feeling arrogant about our Islamic activism, our Islamic appearance, or our ‘hard-core’ connection with the Rabil’alameen. We need to be careful. Are we really connected? Am I really connected?
And don’t get me wrong: the struggle of those who are trying to stay straight, to dress properly, to please Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is a weighty, honorable and noble one. May Allah make us amongst those He uses to spread His Deen, those whom He guides and keeps guided, and those who wear the dress that please Him, both externally and internally.
But for those of us who might have ‘been there’ and left it, and then feel arrogant that we’re no longer involved in the “ways of the sinners,” and perhaps even might feel better than others because we’re so pure and special, then my advice to myself is what Umar radi Allahu anhu used to say: used to say, “Take account of yourselves before you are audited.”
Put in our language it is what I’ve heard Ustadh Suhaib say numerous times:
” Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
May Allah help us and guide us to perpetually, continually, sincerely, and endlessly please Him, and may He make it easy for all of us to eagerly and continually turn back to Him, and leave whatever sins we are committing and replace them with good works for His Sake. Ameen
The author would also appreciate if you all could give some advice on how we can humble ourselves [in our hearts] and renew our sincerity for His Sake.
Sr. Maryam
subhanallah, this is spot on.
throughout my teenage years i had a conscience and fear of Allah that i could never describe. Yet, on the outside nobody wouldve guessed i was a muslim. My hatred towards fellow muslims was because of their hypocracy. Sure, they’d be wearing the headscarf, but their manners represented the opposite. I was longing for the good company - and never found it. But i had Allah, and that was enough for me.
Word of advice - never judge anyone because of the way they look. You dont know what is in their hearts, only Allah knows.
walaikumsalam
Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Assalaamu`alaykum
Whenever I see a brother or sister doing something that may be sinful or Anger Allaah, I just think of myself a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, or however long ago it was that I was doing exactly the same thing or worse. The only difference I see between them and me now is that outwardly I have changed my behaviors to some degree. The inward change, however, remains a mystery, and Allaah Only Knows the final destination of either of the two of us.
I like to consider myself a “practicing” Muslim because I truly try to struggle to act as one and be as one. However, Allaah and His Messenger, salallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, didn’t teach us about the hypocrites only so that we could see them as an external enemy. `Umar ibn Alkhattab himself used to ask the Sahaabee to whom Allaah’s Messenger, salallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, had informed whom the hypocrites were, if his name was amongst them.
So, if `Umar himself, one of those who was promised Jannah, could worry about his state of affairs to this degree, then who are we, of the later generations, to have such confidence that our outer appearance is a reflection of some goodness on the inside?
In shaa Allaah this reminder may help in facing a situation like the one mentioned above. It has helped me in most situations where I have dealt with fellow Muslims who were at a difficult state in their struggle for their deen.
Wallaahu a`lam.
Wa alaikum assalam!
Thank you for sharing your wonderful insight Sr. Maryam.
As for advice on humbling ourselves… reflect upon the story of the man who killed 100 people. At the end of his life, the man made a sincere intention to repent but died before he could complete the action. Allah changed the earth so that the man would be forgiven.
So how sincere are we?
JazakAllahu khairun for this..
Asalaamu aleykum warahmatulaah
Jazaak allaah khayr for sharing this experience, maasha’allah really beneficial. As for the advice I need this reminder myself too so here goes insha’allah. What I try to do before each action (if and when I remember) is;
1. To make an intention before I do the action
2. During the act I try and renew my intention as many times as possible
3. When I finish doing the action I ask myself why I did the action, for who
did I do it and what do I hope to achieve by doing it?
I pray Allah gives us all the tawfiq to do what pleases Him and enables us all to refrain from those actions that displease Him..amin
I think we need to look at 3 things:
1-the great favours of Allah this humbles us down
2-our past and current mistakes, this humbles us down too
3-we need to read examples of people who changed like the sahaba who did worse than many of the things we sometimes look down on people because of and they became the best role models after the Prophets… it is not how you are it is how you end…
Subhan Allah, can I use bits of this for a khutbah?
Excellent reminder!!! It is so much easier to judge others than to find faults in ourselves. We tend to forget that some of us were in that stage at one point in our lives, how hard it was, that some of us are brought up that way, or simply do not know any better. May Allah (swt) make us more accepting and help us fulfill the responsibility of being there for the numerous brothers and sisters who are struggling.
As a sister once said in regards to dawah, paraphrased: “Never consider yourself better than anyone, be them Muslim or non-Muslim. Because Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) can easily cause them to turn to Him and raise them in ranks above you.”
Also, remembering that any good we do is only from Allah ta’ala’s tawfiq, or Enabling Grace. The only reason we find ourselves practicing Islam is because Allah guided us; it was not of our own accord and doing.
Anytime we find ourselves completing a prayer, a fast, a surah, we should say Alhamdulillah; because as I am sure many of us have experienced, there were times when it didn’t come as easily and it still continues to be a struggle. We should be grateful (and not take it for granted by looking down on others) that Allah ta’ala is inshaAllah allowing us to grow closer to Him and allowing us to receive these blessings; grateful to be among the Ummah of Prophet Muhammad (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa salaam).
As Habib Ali al-Jifri, may Allah protect and preserve our scholars, said: We should be saying Alhamdulillah that we said Alhamdulillah.
nice article jazakallah
i’m so glad that lady came to you and not someone who would have turned her away from the deen still further.
advice on how we can humble ourselves [in our hearts] and renew our sincerity for His Sake.
this post helped me to do exactly that. jazakAllah
I was just thinking about this issue a few days ago. JazakiAllah Khair for the reminder.
wa alaykum as salam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatahu,
JezakumAllahu khayrin, really good naseeha posted by all of you.
Br.AbdelRahman, you don’t need permission, go ahead inshaAllah..
also, the link below has notes from Br.Munir’s Qtaish’s lecture on muhasaba. It’s the second post from the top. I thought it was very relevant to the subject. There are also notes from a lot of other lectures there as well.
islamequalscool.wordpress.com
Seems moderately long, but really worth reading inshaAllah.
Muhasaba is one thing that I have found to be a great tool, Alhamdullilah. Sometimes I’m too tired to sit at the end of the day and reflect about the actions (or lack of) I have done the entire day, what I need to ask for forgiveness for and what I need to thank Allah ‘Azza wa Jal for, but it’s something described in a way [to the effect of] what I heard Ustadh Suhaib say- that it’s a means of the noor being put in the heart. It’s worth the struggle it takes to do it… I mean, how can one grow if one is not willing to put out some effort?
Salaamu-Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Baraktu.
MashAllah beautiful article, very well written.
Great article. Mashallah you’ve concisely put what many Muslims feel everyday. In terms of humility….1) remember that the other person is a creation of God and 2) everyone’s got their faults. If we seriously grasp the concept that we are all creations of Allah, I don’t think we would ever disrespect anyone.
Second, we may be good at one thing but are terribly lacking at another, which may be of more importance. If we really focus on our own short-comings, we shouldn’t really be too caught up in the state of others. For example, I may outwardly look like a great muslimah, but my temperment and my work habits are in disarray. I struggle to emulate other Muslims who, regardless of the way they look, have mashallah successful work ethics and focus.
At the end of the day, we all have our own struggles.
Jazakum Allahu Khairan,
Salaamu alaikum,
this is such a good reminder, especially for my ownself. I sometimes start to feel good about myself when I’m active in community or giving dawah, and then I’m reminded that I haven’t really done anything of my ownself, except what Allah swt has guided me to and allowed me to do. I’m happy to serve Allah and try to remind myself before I do any good deed, that I want to do this to please Allah swt, and the only reward from it I want is from Allah swt. I ask Allah to protect us all that are active in the communities from being arrogant or feeling self righteous. I ask that Allah swt help brothers and sisters that have strayed for a time to come back to the deen, especially in this blessed month of Ramadhan. Ameen.
Jazakum Allahu Khairan.
He (SW) the most high and exalted knows and we know not. Its a very suddening thing to think and live thru the years thinking that you are doing the right things and on the day of judgement you find an empty store, due to say back bitting others. doing things but without Ikhilaas (doing them for Allah(SW)’s sake,say a sister dorns a hijab, but not because she fears Allah(SW) but because her hubby said so, or she is looking for one to marry her.
I would rather, be a sinner and i struggle to die a righteous man, than live in a state i know that i am righteous yet really i will reap nothing.
Bottom line is, we are all here to please Allah(SW) and its should be a daily struggle to achieve that individually as we also help each other get to that finishing line instead of scolding them.
All this can’t be done without constant prayer to the Almighty to guide us accordingly and make it easy for us, Insha Allah.
If someone saw me about 8 years ago, they wouldnt have guessed that I was a person who would pray. So yeh, its easy to judge.
I think one of the things that makes you stay away from feeling arrogant is knowing that WHATEVER good you have or whatever good actions yur doing, its really from Allah.
If he hadn’t allowed and willed for you to do them, you wouldn’t be doing them. PERIOD
Asalamu Alaykum
JazkaAllah khair Sr. Maryam for this beautiful reminder. epsecially now being Ramadan its so easy for us to judge people who might not be praying always or interacting with the opposite gender.
Alhamdulillah i really liked your story it relates to us all perfectly. we need to look at ourselevs n humble ourselevs. i remmebr shaykh mukhtar mougroui said in 1 of his talks that the best way to humble ourseleves is to put ourselevs lower than people so that we can benefit from them. becuase if he higher ourseleves over them then we wont benefit from them becuase we will think were better, or if we put ourseleves on there level there blessings wont fall on us but if we spiritually lower ourselevs to them then we can learn from them and humble ourself.
it is so easy for us to critisize others from there actions but the ironic thing is majority of the time when he critisize others we have or had that same problem with ourselevs.
and exactly wat ummabdullah said that everything good we have or good actions we do is from Allah and without Allahs mercy and blessings we would be as worhtless as the dirt on the ground. if we can really think like this then we will realize that everything is from Allah then we can truly humble ourseleves
Salem Alaikum,
You hit the nail on the head with this, Maryam. and, I’ve been on both sides of the fence. And, it’s true. When you think of yourself as better than others and look down on them, you will one day find yourself in a situation similar, or not, to the situations you were judging. The best course is just to do what you have to do and not worry about what others do or don’t do. That is between them and Allah. He reads hearts not us. If you can help or advise someone then do it. But don’t judge. That’s the best way to push someone further away. Like Allah said in the quran, if the prophet(sws) were harsh with people, they would have turned away from him. It was because he was kind and gentle with him that he won them over.
Fatima
Sr. maryam, thank you for such a wonderfully written article. I often feel like I am being judged for not wearing hijab or not finding enough time to frequent the masjid and various events involving my muslim community. Sometimes my fear of being judged keeps me further away from where I want to be. Thank you for this article because it reminds me that many of our fellow muslims are humble enough to not judge others, but focused on the bigger picture, which is making Allah (swt) happy.
If I performed a sin – O Prophet of Allah – would it be recorded?
The Prophet answered: Yes.
The man said: what if I repented?
The Prophet said: It will be erased.
The man added: What if I returned to the sin once again?
The Prophet answered: It will be recorded once again.
The man said: What if I repented?
The Prophet said: It will be erased.
The man said: What if I returned again?
The Prophet said: It will be recorded.
The man asked: What if I repented?
The Prophet said: It will be erased.
The man said: What if I returned again?
The Prophet said: It will be recorded.
The man asked: What if I repented?
The Prophet said: It will be erased.
The man asked: Until when will it be erased?
The Prophet (SAWS) answered, “Allah does not stop bestowing His forgiveness until you get bored of asking for it.”
A wonderful article.
my comment relates to the comment made above by chubbs at-tawba. What advice is given to those who may be close to somebody who lives by that very belief?
i.e. Sunday - Thursday live life as preferred, continue with salah as laid down, but live as one wishes, upset people at will on the basis Friday will come forgiveness will be sought, forgiveness will be granted and so another week will begin?
The frustration of watching this happen week in, week out, is tearing me apart.
The Prophet Muhammad SAWS told the story of two men, one of whom would commit sin and the other would strive to do his best in the world. When the man who exerted himself in worship continued to see the other in sin, he would say: “Refrain from (sinning).” The sinner replied: “Leave me alone with my Lord. Have you been sent as a watchman over me?” The man who tried to do his best then said: “I swear by Allah, Allah will not forgive you, nor will He admit you to Paradise.” When they both died and came before Allah, He told the man who had striven hard in worship: “Did you have knowledge about Me or had you power over that which I had in My hand?” Allah then said to the man who sinned: “Go and enter Paradise by My mercy.”
Sunan of Abu-Dawood, Hadith 2298
(one of the way i keep myself check ,hope it helps someone )
Sigh… it makes me sad of not able to find myself yet…. I’ve been looking for good company but haven’t got one but after reading some of your comments I now realize so what if I got no company of any human being I have a better company which is the company of Allah. He is with me all the time, anytime and everytime I need him He’s there. SubhanAllah Allah is the greatest.
Our deeds do not belong to us, do not come from us, they do not benefit us by our own power, and in the end ONLY ALLAH is reward us for them. On the Last Day, that person you just gave sadaqah, or that person who saw you praying (etc, etc) will be too busy thinking of themselves to help you….and YOU will be too busy, as the level of sweat starts to rise in the heat of the sun, and the panic sets in when you realize all the time you spent in life wasted in neglect and heedlessness.
All that matters is Allah. Everything comes from Him and is for Him. Everything else is illusion and delusion…
That’s what helps me keep my niyyah straight.
SubhanAllah,
This is such a great reminder, JazakAllahkhair. May Allah(swt) reward you for your efforts. May He make us among His humble, sincere, pious, righteous servants. May He guide us all to the Straight Path. Ameen.
Tonight I stay awake, waiting to talk to Allah before Fajr- in hope that He might forgive me for repeating the same sins after asking for mercy. Though I have firm faith in Allah’s mercy, I started to doubt my own capacity to change and refrain from that sin. I know what I have to do, but just keep falling back into the same actions- unconsciously, and its driven me mad! But after reading ur messages and stories, it has refreshed my faith, and increased my hope that Allah forgives- as long as I keep repenting and knocking on His doors, He will forgive. After all He is Ar-Rehman Ar-Rahim - and Alhamdulilah He gave us the awareness of our sins so we could repent. May He give us the ability to slow down in our actions in order to clarify our intentions before we act. Ameen.
Very uplifting to read all ur messages, Alhamdulilah. May Allah bless you. Ameen .