Now, in saying that, let us not forget that we are not getting married to ones qualifications, because at anytime Allah can strip one of his/her accomplishments in this worldly life. The question now becomes, what happens when that brother/sister loses their job? Do we now settle for “less” (the qualities one married for) since Allah has paced an exam in front of us or do we work together and look past the things we onced admired about someone and be steadfast in deen to the best of our abilities. May Allah make us all good muslims one to another and may he protect us from the filth of nationalism and love of self amiin.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is “STOP WITH THE EXTENSIVE CRITERIA AND EXHUASTING LIST OF DEMANDS” and marry for the sake of Allah and your deen. This is life not a job interview. Although one may not meet a certain criteria set by a sister/brother does not mean the he/she not a great person or a good muslim.

The question of nationalism. This is in my opinion a filthy disease and as muslims we should be ashamed, because Allah does not address us in the Qur’an according to our country of orgin or to one specific ethnic group. Satan the cursed and outcasted was the first nationalist and we should fear Allah for we are treading on a path of shaytan when we hold prejudice towards muslims and people of other ethnicities. I seek refuge in Allah from this and may he protect us all from the whisperings and deliberate wedging of the shaytan amiin.

Status is not determined by us Allah raises and he debases. I believe every muslim should first look in the mirror at himself and ask ourselves one question, am I fulflling my rights to Allah to gain his peasure? Please Allah and others will be pleases with you regardless of your career path and or ethnicity. How many brother had to put their ambitions of wanting to study deen in-order to become closer to Allah aside for med-school/law school due to demand for 6 figure salary by ones parents not the sister, but her parents? How many Ibn Taymiyya’s etc. are we loosing due to the demands being placed on brothers for marriage? How many great works of Islam are being produced today and how many muslim intellectuals do we have to compete with the conflicting ideas being thrown at us from western culture and its pondents?

I’m sure Imam Suhaib and others whom tread the path of seeking sacred knowledge for the sake of Allah can’t imagine giving up their path in-order to get married metaphoracilly speaking. Lets purify our intentions and our hearts. I’m 25 un-married with a degree, but I really want to study Islam. So my question is when does it stop?

Why am I scared of marriage

First thing, I am not a doctor or lawyer. My job requires me to move often (I teach English in Arabic countries). What if she gets sick of moving and leaves me?

Second thing, I am shorter than average. It is possible that she will marry me but still not be satisfied with my height. That could lead her to fake affection and a depressing life for me too.

Third thing, my mother might need to come and live with me. My mother is the nicest human being on the planet, but will my wife feel that she is a burden? Love is a wonderful thing, but Heaven is under the feet of the mother.

Last thing, how does she raise children? Does she allow spanking or some form of harsh punishment? If parents don’t agree on these issues, than there is room for the children to step in and exploit these differences to their own advantage.

Personally, these are my problems but I believe that many Muslim men have the same exact problems and even more problems than this. This is why a foreign wife is more desirable and easier to deal with.

Ahmed

thanks for sharing your story. i believe this all teaches us both men and women that it is very important to put first things first and to stay connected with Allah (swt) cause he is the only one who can solve our problems and guide us to the straight path and to find a good spouse. I have learned a lot from your story as it is said in my language “a person is another person’s medecine”.

I wish there were meeting places, but the principle problem behind this issue are parents or at least I can say so in my case. We face these issues today not because of growing trends of secularism in the United States and abroad, but because the past generation failed to educate the present.

I don’t want to dwell on the past because I believe it’s well within the capacity of current youth to eliminate this problem, but only with abolishing the ignorant cultural traditions that plague our families and individual lives. Remember that marriage is the uniting of two families.

I hope I didn’t repeat the same commentary on this page. I apologize if I did.

A good female suitor is not one that demands demands demands and demands. Not one that wants a huge wedding, a 3 week honeymoon, upon returning demands her husband to allow her to work, if her husband complies then she reminds him that Islamically it is her money so no splitting the expenses, but as for household chores they must be split because both are working full-time, etc, etc

The above of course is what she wants…many girls with such views also have such ridiculous expectations of their future spouse that they dont actually get married until much later when they stop dreaming

Am i myself a ‘good’ suitor?