Take it Back

A recent study by the RAND research organization illustrates the chances of teens becoming pregnant or causing a pregnancy are much higher for those who watch sexually explicit television. This is not a surprising finding and television is only one mode of media that contributes to encouraging risky behavior amongst teens. Another study released in March 2007 by the University of Missouri-Columbia found the self-esteem levels of all 81 female participants dropped after flipping through a fashion magazine for just 3 minutes. Further, it is estimated that the average American sees up to 3,000 ads per day, ads which habitually portray women as sex objects, enforce gender role stereotypes, and glamorize alcohol and tobacco use, violence and consumerism. Every single ad leaves an imprint on our minds (conscious or subconscious) and the imprint is not always positive. Undoubtedly, media has an influential effect upon us. As evident in the first study, that influence is linked to a teen’s probability of engaging in risky sexual behavior.

While teenage sexual behavior merits a study of its own, motivation for such behavior also warrants a thorough understanding. Aside from hormonal fulfillment, emotional fulfillment is a key motivation. Working with high-risk female teens, I have learned of the ugly side of sex. When asked why teens (especially females) have sex, the response is quite disheartening. By the end of the discussion, the whiteboard was filled with: wanting affection and love, addiction to sex, feeling neglected and lonely, peer pressure, to trade for drugs and money, “everybody’s doing it”, pressure from the boyfriend, “boyfriend would leave if didn’t give in” and the list goes on. It was apparent that sex and other risky behaviors were used as a tool to fill emotional voids, counter traumatic life experiences and cope with low self-esteem. Consequently, it is clear that simply teaching a teen how to use a condom will not prevent them from engaging in risky sexual behavior. Prevention justifiably deserves a much more holistic approach. This is affirmed by the allocation of monies granted to non-profits which target the issue of teenage pregnancy. Funding for programs focusing on body image and leadership, for example, falls under the category of teen pregnancy prevention – they are classified as legitimate strategies to prevent teen pregnancy.

These indirect strategies are powerful; however, the backbone of all strategies is actually the building of a meaningful relationship with the teens. Regardless of how much funding a program may or may not have, the topic to be discussed or even the background of the teens themselves – without a meaningful relationship, progress is near impossible. We can be quick to lose sight of the power of a genuine relationship. Instead, it is not uncommon to find ourselves focusing on serving them solely as zealous critics of right and wrong. Proper guidance is necessary, but so is developing a bond. This abstract bond is nothing short of a decent conversation with the youth in your family circle, in your neighborhood and even your mosque. We have our deen, which addresses every social ill, and our Muslim youth need to see and experience it through someone they can trust, relate to and even enjoy spending the occasional Friday night with.

Inaction is not an Islamic principle. Also, it is classic to assume Muslims do not have problems, especially sexual behavior problems. This is a very dangerous mentality. Our Muslim youth are living in the very same environment and engaging in the very same media as the youth involved in the first study. Muslim or non-Muslim, temptation is indiscriminate. In fact, we are hearing more and more about Muslim youth adopting questionable ideas and practices. It is up to us, the Muslim community, to connect with our youth with not only an open mind, but also an open heart.

Establishing an environment which empowers youth and fosters healthy relationships requires the collective effort of the entire community. Muslim youth should not be the sole recipient of this environment either. We must embrace our community as a whole, Muslim and non-Muslim because temptation, human struggle, suffering and compassion are all universal. Cultivating this environment requires talking genuinely with the youth and seeing each young individual as a whole person. It is extremely difficult to teach a teen to respect themselves if no one has given them that respect, to teach them to be compassionate towards others if they have yet to experience compassion themselves, to teach them to stay away from drugs and alcohol if that is the only coping mechanism they know, to teach them to straighten up and set goals if they see no one to help them get there.

Change in environment requires creating and seeking alternatives. Muslim girls, for example, should not have to give up swimming or sports after a certain age because they can no longer wear a bathing suit or play freely. We should not have to forbid television out of fear of what our kids (and adults!) might see. We need to create avenues for healthy alternatives. It also requires leaders emerging from the community to give with their time. Volunteering at the local masjid’s youth group, youth oriented non-profits, juvenile detention facilities and community centers not only empowers the youth, but it builds an ideology and culture of advocacy for youth because what affects them affects us. It is a cliché, but the youth of today really are the future of tomorrow.

Lastly, we have to be true to ourselves. While it is nice to see behavioral studies reaffirm Islamic principles, it is vital to reinforce that our true source of knowledge is our deen, not science, culture or popular ideology. We have to allow our deen to guide us. We have to take it back and remember that Muslims did not become Muslims through the gaze of a critical eye, but with the softness of a tongue. We also have to remember that we too were once considered youth. We too made mistakes, but what presumably encouraged us the most was not harsh criticism, but instead genuine compassion.

May Allah guide us, all of us, to what is good and away from what is not. Ameen.